Cocaine and Viagra
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: From moment to moment, only God really knows
Posts: 35
Cocaine and Viagra
I am CONSTANTLY amazed (and often sickened) by my own naivete!
Getting things out of the van (my AH drives) during football practive, my 10 year old son played with the Sharper Image air cleaner that plugs into the cigarette lighter - rarely used, it sits in one of those holding compartments. He popped open the cover to the filter and then came to see me. He nervously whispered, "Mom, Dad has 4 blue pills in the Sharper Image thing." We went to see. I didn't know what to do, so I said, "OK sweetie, let's leave Dad's things alone and put them back where you found them." "But Mom, why would they be in THERE? There PILLS!," he said. I said, "I don't know, Honey - but I'm not sure if it's really any of our business (and I'm not) so let's put them back."
When we got home I looked the pills up on the internet - Viagra?! And then I did a search - and whatdoya know, it goes hand in hand with cocaine (my AH ...who STILL swears he's clean and sober even after our session with the counselor last week... DOC). I read that folks drop dead from that combination all the time - and he has high BP.
So what does this mean? Cheating on me, too?
What else have I learned this week? Grinding teeth, the shakes, profuse sweating, constant runny nose, sleep aids everywhere, high BP and I can't even think of what else are signs of...TA DA...cocaine use.
My counselor says I've been making great strides in terms of my own recovery...at times like this, I wonder. But then, I am reaching out...bless each of you for your support.
Getting things out of the van (my AH drives) during football practive, my 10 year old son played with the Sharper Image air cleaner that plugs into the cigarette lighter - rarely used, it sits in one of those holding compartments. He popped open the cover to the filter and then came to see me. He nervously whispered, "Mom, Dad has 4 blue pills in the Sharper Image thing." We went to see. I didn't know what to do, so I said, "OK sweetie, let's leave Dad's things alone and put them back where you found them." "But Mom, why would they be in THERE? There PILLS!," he said. I said, "I don't know, Honey - but I'm not sure if it's really any of our business (and I'm not) so let's put them back."
When we got home I looked the pills up on the internet - Viagra?! And then I did a search - and whatdoya know, it goes hand in hand with cocaine (my AH ...who STILL swears he's clean and sober even after our session with the counselor last week... DOC). I read that folks drop dead from that combination all the time - and he has high BP.
So what does this mean? Cheating on me, too?
What else have I learned this week? Grinding teeth, the shakes, profuse sweating, constant runny nose, sleep aids everywhere, high BP and I can't even think of what else are signs of...TA DA...cocaine use.
My counselor says I've been making great strides in terms of my own recovery...at times like this, I wonder. But then, I am reaching out...bless each of you for your support.
Don't get undies in a bunch
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: South Shore MA
Posts: 7,120
Trying to think of this in a possitive light....
Could it be an old stash?
Also depending on where he bought them... they could be fake viagra (china imports) that don't work or could be dangerous because they are made wrong.
Flush and forget it would be my thought. Well not forget it but store the info as a radar guide.
Could it be an old stash?
Also depending on where he bought them... they could be fake viagra (china imports) that don't work or could be dangerous because they are made wrong.
Flush and forget it would be my thought. Well not forget it but store the info as a radar guide.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: From moment to moment, only God really knows
Posts: 35
Thank you for responding.
He just started driving that van at the beginning of July - I drove it prior to that time and the air thing was mine.
On one side of the pill was written pfizer - that's how I found the pill online.
My counselor told me to get hold of them and just turn them over to her (along with the baggie corner with white residue in it, the cut off straws, checks torn from the back of my checkbooks (he's into payday loans), the sleep aids, an empty pill bottle with the label torn off of it, etc. etc. She's made it clear that his recovery is in deep trouble.
You're right - I need to be positive ...and not "fill in the blanks." Let go and let God, right?
He just started driving that van at the beginning of July - I drove it prior to that time and the air thing was mine.
On one side of the pill was written pfizer - that's how I found the pill online.
My counselor told me to get hold of them and just turn them over to her (along with the baggie corner with white residue in it, the cut off straws, checks torn from the back of my checkbooks (he's into payday loans), the sleep aids, an empty pill bottle with the label torn off of it, etc. etc. She's made it clear that his recovery is in deep trouble.
You're right - I need to be positive ...and not "fill in the blanks." Let go and let God, right?
Don't get undies in a bunch
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: South Shore MA
Posts: 7,120
The fake pills look just like the real ones. Even are sold in a pfizer labeled bottle.
She sounds like a good counselor. With her collecting things, she can place them in front of him when he says... Who me...Nooooo.
Accountability seems to be what she is after.
Yes Let go and let God
and I think God is using your counselor as one of His tools to reach him.
She sounds like a good counselor. With her collecting things, she can place them in front of him when he says... Who me...Nooooo.
Accountability seems to be what she is after.
Yes Let go and let God
and I think God is using your counselor as one of His tools to reach him.
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
I'm sorry...You know you can't control it but the shock and sadness when these things hit you over the head is very painful, I know. I think as much as we work our program, those surprises can send us into a temporary tailspin. But recovery helps us to get back up quickly. Keep focusing on your recovery and being good to yourself and the kids. He will do what he will do, but if you keep gathering tools, you will be in a better place even if he chooses not to be. Hugs and prayers.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Texarkana, Texas
Posts: 585
Danger danger, Will Robinson!!!
Of course he's using. And yeah, I hate to tell you this but coke and illicit sex almost go hand in hand. Viagra would be a BIG indication. On the gay party circuit (i am not implying that your husband is gay/bi, only citing an example), viagra/meth and viagra/coke combos are very popular. Unfortunately those combos cause unintended death fairly often for the very reason you sited: high blood pressure causing heart attack or stroke.
Do what you need to do to protect yourself and my suggestion is to you is: get tested.
Of course he's using. And yeah, I hate to tell you this but coke and illicit sex almost go hand in hand. Viagra would be a BIG indication. On the gay party circuit (i am not implying that your husband is gay/bi, only citing an example), viagra/meth and viagra/coke combos are very popular. Unfortunately those combos cause unintended death fairly often for the very reason you sited: high blood pressure causing heart attack or stroke.
Do what you need to do to protect yourself and my suggestion is to you is: get tested.
Power is not having to respond
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Wabbit Hole
Posts: 1,923
Good grief. I learn something new every day. Coke and Viagra.
I don't know anything about this combination, but I know Viagra has caused a lot of bad things to happen to some men like blindness. (I know that sounds funny, but it's true.)
Have you confronted him with this? I guess even if you did, and he was using, he'd just make something up.
I don't know anything about this combination, but I know Viagra has caused a lot of bad things to happen to some men like blindness. (I know that sounds funny, but it's true.)
Have you confronted him with this? I guess even if you did, and he was using, he'd just make something up.
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
Let's put it this way, if you did not know he was using Viagra, there is a BIG red flag here. Cause, if he is not using it with you, who is he using it with?
My concern is where else does he stash his drugs? Are there any other hidiing spots your child can innocently find? This is not good.
And yes, if I were you, I'd get tested.
My concern is where else does he stash his drugs? Are there any other hidiing spots your child can innocently find? This is not good.
And yes, if I were you, I'd get tested.
Power is not having to respond
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Wabbit Hole
Posts: 1,923
I have to add another 2 cents.
I got tested for Hep C and Aids when I left my husband.
Two weeks before I packed up and left, he was on a vacation with his mother.
I looked into his computer, sorting through all the trash for a week, and what I found made me wanna puke. Tons of porn, the truly most disgusting kind, and where he'd been paying for adult sites to meet others. He had videos of women he met online.
He swears he never did anything except online, but I wasn't willing to believe him. He certianly intended to. And, with that info, which was the straw that broke the camel's back, I left, got tested, and thankfully, I am ok.
I got tested for Hep C and Aids when I left my husband.
Two weeks before I packed up and left, he was on a vacation with his mother.
I looked into his computer, sorting through all the trash for a week, and what I found made me wanna puke. Tons of porn, the truly most disgusting kind, and where he'd been paying for adult sites to meet others. He had videos of women he met online.
He swears he never did anything except online, but I wasn't willing to believe him. He certianly intended to. And, with that info, which was the straw that broke the camel's back, I left, got tested, and thankfully, I am ok.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Edmonton AB
Posts: 285
Wow, your heart must have been pounding when you found the pills. I too found pills behind my AH's ashtray in the car. I know how it feels to be let down. To be niave.
Sweat's, chills... It all makes sense now doesn't it.
Hang in there.
Mavis.
Sweat's, chills... It all makes sense now doesn't it.
Hang in there.
Mavis.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: From moment to moment, only God really knows
Posts: 35
My heart is pounding, to say the least
Bless you all for your responses, insight and support.
Whew...let me take a deep breath and back up for a minute.
Okay, he's always had "issues" in that department - per the pfizer/Viagra website, I guess it would be deemed a certain degree of erectile dysfunction (love how we can just "put it all out there" here at SR).
Learning so much in the last number of months, I now know it was because of drug use (that I was never fully aware of until 6 months ago) - in our first session with the counselor in January he said that he'd used drugs for 30 of his 46 years and that no, his wife (me) was not aware of that...no kiddin'.
Now, as I said, he suffers from high BP (drug induced, I guess - who knows for sure). Over the last few years, as his (likely clueless) doctor has worked to adjust his meds, addressing any "issues" in that department has been a focus. My husband regularly shared that info with me. Others have shared that THAT is a reason why many men don't take/like taking their BP meds. Anyhow, it seemed as if the right meds for my husband had been found - no more "issues," for the most part.
I have to say that, in the last 6 months - with one clean drug test in March I might add - he's had NO "issues." Things have been good in that department - except for the fact that he now complains that we don't have enough sex...emotional for women and physical for men, we have two kids and VERY busy lives, does snuggling ALWAYS have to end up in sex, etc. is all I have to say.
Okay, fast forward, it is painfully obvious that he's actively using again - the drug test isn't back yet, by the way...important to note because he swears he's clean and sober. I have to say, sex has remained good and so I've wondered if he's really using again or not.
So, my INITIAL thought when the Viagra was discovered (after looking it up on the internet) was BINGO! VIAGRA is how he's been able to "perform"...he's acively using AND using THIS stuff to keep me from knowing where he is in terms of his recovery because "issues" are a sign!
As an aside, even prior to our marriage I knew he was into porn - magazines (the kind that feature letters from readers, letters and pics) and eventually DVDs. I'm white and he's black - his DVDs focus on that. Porn has been deemed an addiction (duh) now that we're dealing with drugs, etc. In the last six months, his stash of mags and DVDs has doubled. Further, sex with him always has had to/does include dirty talk (FYI, I'm always called a B@&$#) and never includes (mouth to mouth) kissing (I don't think we've kissed like that but maybe a dozen times in 15 years).
Okay - there you have it. Change any thoughts? Any more insight? It has been suggested that I put a GPS in his car (how do I do that and what's the cost) and/or have him followed - I guess for a true reality check?! Honestly, if I have evidence that he's been or is being unfaithful (okay, in this area), that will be IT...why, in light of EVERYTHING else, that will be the straw that breaks the camel's back, I can't seem to answer.
Whew...let me take a deep breath and back up for a minute.
Okay, he's always had "issues" in that department - per the pfizer/Viagra website, I guess it would be deemed a certain degree of erectile dysfunction (love how we can just "put it all out there" here at SR).
Learning so much in the last number of months, I now know it was because of drug use (that I was never fully aware of until 6 months ago) - in our first session with the counselor in January he said that he'd used drugs for 30 of his 46 years and that no, his wife (me) was not aware of that...no kiddin'.
Now, as I said, he suffers from high BP (drug induced, I guess - who knows for sure). Over the last few years, as his (likely clueless) doctor has worked to adjust his meds, addressing any "issues" in that department has been a focus. My husband regularly shared that info with me. Others have shared that THAT is a reason why many men don't take/like taking their BP meds. Anyhow, it seemed as if the right meds for my husband had been found - no more "issues," for the most part.
I have to say that, in the last 6 months - with one clean drug test in March I might add - he's had NO "issues." Things have been good in that department - except for the fact that he now complains that we don't have enough sex...emotional for women and physical for men, we have two kids and VERY busy lives, does snuggling ALWAYS have to end up in sex, etc. is all I have to say.
Okay, fast forward, it is painfully obvious that he's actively using again - the drug test isn't back yet, by the way...important to note because he swears he's clean and sober. I have to say, sex has remained good and so I've wondered if he's really using again or not.
So, my INITIAL thought when the Viagra was discovered (after looking it up on the internet) was BINGO! VIAGRA is how he's been able to "perform"...he's acively using AND using THIS stuff to keep me from knowing where he is in terms of his recovery because "issues" are a sign!
As an aside, even prior to our marriage I knew he was into porn - magazines (the kind that feature letters from readers, letters and pics) and eventually DVDs. I'm white and he's black - his DVDs focus on that. Porn has been deemed an addiction (duh) now that we're dealing with drugs, etc. In the last six months, his stash of mags and DVDs has doubled. Further, sex with him always has had to/does include dirty talk (FYI, I'm always called a B@&$#) and never includes (mouth to mouth) kissing (I don't think we've kissed like that but maybe a dozen times in 15 years).
Okay - there you have it. Change any thoughts? Any more insight? It has been suggested that I put a GPS in his car (how do I do that and what's the cost) and/or have him followed - I guess for a true reality check?! Honestly, if I have evidence that he's been or is being unfaithful (okay, in this area), that will be IT...why, in light of EVERYTHING else, that will be the straw that breaks the camel's back, I can't seem to answer.
Rest peacefully Sonny Boy
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Florida, Tennessee
Posts: 840
((wking2change))
Is he? Isn't he? No matter what you do, short of catching him in the act, you will not know for sure. Snooping, watching, checking up, following, it all leads to the same thing, you being upset, frustrated, angry, suspisious and eventually obsessed with his life, not your own.
I do understand the desire to know. I always wanted to know for sure, just to justify and validate what I was feeling in my gut. I would convince myself that if I could just find the proof, then I would do _______. It drove me crazy.
When I switched to attention to myself, decided what my bounderies were, and let go of what he may or may not be doing, I found that I actually had time for me. Time that I used to figure out what made me happy beyond him. Time to make plans for what I wanted to do that made me laugh and feel a little bit of happiness in my life again.
Maybe he's just switching his addiction to sex, with the help of viagra. In other words replacing his DOC.
Either way, what is best for you and your life?
Sending lots of Hugs and Prayers
B
Is he? Isn't he? No matter what you do, short of catching him in the act, you will not know for sure. Snooping, watching, checking up, following, it all leads to the same thing, you being upset, frustrated, angry, suspisious and eventually obsessed with his life, not your own.
I do understand the desire to know. I always wanted to know for sure, just to justify and validate what I was feeling in my gut. I would convince myself that if I could just find the proof, then I would do _______. It drove me crazy.
When I switched to attention to myself, decided what my bounderies were, and let go of what he may or may not be doing, I found that I actually had time for me. Time that I used to figure out what made me happy beyond him. Time to make plans for what I wanted to do that made me laugh and feel a little bit of happiness in my life again.
Maybe he's just switching his addiction to sex, with the help of viagra. In other words replacing his DOC.
Either way, what is best for you and your life?
Sending lots of Hugs and Prayers
B
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: East Tawas, MI
Posts: 3,683
Porn and coke go together like a horse and a carriage. Coke excites that part of the brain that seeks pleasure. The only problem is with years of heavy coke use, that part of their body doesn't work so well anymore, hence the viagra. Must be pretty frustrating for addicts to have the desire but not the means to perform. I would think that with the coke use comes the high blood presssure. Using Viagra is just asking for a stroke or a heart attack. It always amazes me how much damage addicts can do to their bodies for the sake of that high. Protect yourself with any means that you have. He is not worried about you. Only what pleasure he can get. Hugs, Marle
Southern through and through
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: In.....trouble :-)
Posts: 1,453
Originally Posted by wking2change 
My counselor says I've been making great strides in terms of my own recovery...at times like this, I wonder. But then, I am reaching out...bless each of you for your support.
I know you have 101 questions as to what your AH is and isn't doing. No one here can answer that for you. We can give our best opinion/guess, but that's really all it is, a guess or opinion. You know, I always say go with your gut feeling. My gut never lies to me.
But here's the problem. You can try to police him 24/7, follow him, check up on him, snoop, blah blah blah. NONE of that will do you any good. Yeah, you might get more evidence, but trust me, you give it time and it will ALL unfold and be right there in front of you. You turn into a private investigator, and you're going to wear yourself out trying to get one up on him.
My recommendation would be to find Al Anon or Nar Anon meetings in you area and attend. My meetings help me tremendously and I'm happy to report that MY life is much more manageable due to what I've learned by going to those meetings.
Hugs,
Hangin' In
Member
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: somewhere, out there...
Posts: 512
wking,
as a mom who just took her 9 year old to football practice last nite i just wanted to say i'm so sorry - for you and for your son having to be the one to find things and be worried for his dad - that sucks...
sometimes addiction makes no sense - what's so hard about being a responsible adult???? for being there for your kids???? for not taking some drug or not drinking because it's the right thing to do????? how do drugs become more important than real physical relationships????
god drugs suck...
hope today is better than yesterday and not nearly as good as tomorrow...
s
as a mom who just took her 9 year old to football practice last nite i just wanted to say i'm so sorry - for you and for your son having to be the one to find things and be worried for his dad - that sucks...
sometimes addiction makes no sense - what's so hard about being a responsible adult???? for being there for your kids???? for not taking some drug or not drinking because it's the right thing to do????? how do drugs become more important than real physical relationships????
god drugs suck...
hope today is better than yesterday and not nearly as good as tomorrow...
s
Bridge CLOSED
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: No ones business
Posts: 1,497
FWIW one of the things drug addicts do is to cheat. My experience is that they want to live a double life. the life with you is the upstanding and responsible facade.. the Look good to the Public life.
Then there is the "other life" with the drug addicts and dealers and women who are also addicts and users. The cheating side of life (be it cheating with drugs or sex or both).
Sorry your son had to find it. Best that you know. Get tested for every STD out there AND retested every 6 months until you are sure you are clean.
Stay out of HIS bed. Your life may depend on it. You sure don't want your kids growing up being raised by a drug addict.
Then there is the "other life" with the drug addicts and dealers and women who are also addicts and users. The cheating side of life (be it cheating with drugs or sex or both).
Sorry your son had to find it. Best that you know. Get tested for every STD out there AND retested every 6 months until you are sure you are clean.
Stay out of HIS bed. Your life may depend on it. You sure don't want your kids growing up being raised by a drug addict.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: From moment to moment, only God really knows
Posts: 35
I'm numb at this point
...because TODAY I found a condom.
Folks, we've used a condom once in +14 years, and that was +10 years ago after I went off the pill in order to get pregnant with our son. By the way, with his "issues" described above, it was only on for a hot second anyhow - COULDN'T use one. Bet he can now that he's hittin' that Viagra!
I did ask my husband about the condom, and it really doesn't matter what he said - God help him...HE is the only one that can, and I know it more than ever now.
You know, I thank God for the fact that I was on my way to the counselor when I found the condom, and for just bathing me in His peace...I am remarkably...calm...maybe not "numb."
FYI, I have an appointment with my doctor on Tuesday - the earliest they could fit me in, even after I "put it all out there." I'm okay with that.
Please continue to lift us all - my kids and I, in particular - up in prayer.
Oh, the counselor informed me that his drug test of 2 weeks ago was negative - and that she doesn't trust it. He had an unreal amount of water and Gatorade all evening and prior to our appointment with her. His urine sample was a very strange and intense color of yellow (even after urinating twice before the test)...considering the amount of liquid he'd had, she felt he'd done something to affect the test.
Whatever...
Blessings to you - and reaching out for hugs. Thanks so much, all of you.
Folks, we've used a condom once in +14 years, and that was +10 years ago after I went off the pill in order to get pregnant with our son. By the way, with his "issues" described above, it was only on for a hot second anyhow - COULDN'T use one. Bet he can now that he's hittin' that Viagra!
I did ask my husband about the condom, and it really doesn't matter what he said - God help him...HE is the only one that can, and I know it more than ever now.
You know, I thank God for the fact that I was on my way to the counselor when I found the condom, and for just bathing me in His peace...I am remarkably...calm...maybe not "numb."
FYI, I have an appointment with my doctor on Tuesday - the earliest they could fit me in, even after I "put it all out there." I'm okay with that.
Please continue to lift us all - my kids and I, in particular - up in prayer.
Oh, the counselor informed me that his drug test of 2 weeks ago was negative - and that she doesn't trust it. He had an unreal amount of water and Gatorade all evening and prior to our appointment with her. His urine sample was a very strange and intense color of yellow (even after urinating twice before the test)...considering the amount of liquid he'd had, she felt he'd done something to affect the test.
Whatever...
Blessings to you - and reaching out for hugs. Thanks so much, all of you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: From moment to moment, only God really knows
Posts: 35
I'm numb at this point
...because TODAY I found a condom.
Folks, we've used a condom once in +14 years, and that was +10 years ago after I went off the pill in order to get pregnant with our son. By the way, with the "issues" described above, it was only on for a hot second anyhow - COULDN'T use one. Bet he can now that he's hittin' that Viagra!
I did ask my husband about the condom, and it really doesn't matter what he said - God help him...HE is the only one that can, and I know it more than ever now.
You know, I thank God for the fact that I was on my way to the counselor when I found the condom, and for just bathing me in His peace...I am remarkably...calm...maybe not "numb."
FYI, I have an appointment with my doctor on Tuesday - the earliest they could fit me in, even after I "put it all out there." I'm okay with that.
Please continue to lift us all - my kids and I, in particular - up in prayer.
Oh, the counselor informed me that his drug test of 2 weeks ago was negative - and that she doesn't trust it. He had an unreal amount of water and Gatorade all evening and prior to our appointment with her. His urine sample was a very strange and intense color of yellow (even after urinating twice before the test)...considering the amount of liquid he'd had, she felt he'd done something to affect the test.
Whatever...
Blessings to you - and reaching out for hugs. Thanks so much, all of you.
Folks, we've used a condom once in +14 years, and that was +10 years ago after I went off the pill in order to get pregnant with our son. By the way, with the "issues" described above, it was only on for a hot second anyhow - COULDN'T use one. Bet he can now that he's hittin' that Viagra!
I did ask my husband about the condom, and it really doesn't matter what he said - God help him...HE is the only one that can, and I know it more than ever now.
You know, I thank God for the fact that I was on my way to the counselor when I found the condom, and for just bathing me in His peace...I am remarkably...calm...maybe not "numb."
FYI, I have an appointment with my doctor on Tuesday - the earliest they could fit me in, even after I "put it all out there." I'm okay with that.
Please continue to lift us all - my kids and I, in particular - up in prayer.
Oh, the counselor informed me that his drug test of 2 weeks ago was negative - and that she doesn't trust it. He had an unreal amount of water and Gatorade all evening and prior to our appointment with her. His urine sample was a very strange and intense color of yellow (even after urinating twice before the test)...considering the amount of liquid he'd had, she felt he'd done something to affect the test.
Whatever...
Blessings to you - and reaching out for hugs. Thanks so much, all of you.
Last edited by wking2change; 08-08-2007 at 03:44 PM. Reason: double hit post - sorry
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