Couple's therapy. . .
Let me grow up.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Lake Charles, LA
Posts: 201
Couple's therapy. . .
Monday morning me and my exAGF went to speak with her psychiatrist at Cross Roads where she's been going for an outpatient program, which I'm proud to say she's still attending faithfully. I was under the impression that it was going to be like a session where her psychiatrist was going to explain some things about why she used, signs to look for prior to a relapse, etc. Turns out though that her psychiatrist wanted to talk to us as a couple and ask me how I was doing, some of the things I felt while my ex was using, what I'm feeling presently and why I chose to remain in her life etc.
It went surprisingly well and my ex disclosed some things about herself and about her state of mind while she was using that I never knew. And you know, it really cleared a lot of things up for me and answered many of my questions. So much so. . .and brace yourselves. . .that she and I are officially back together again. Maybe I'm jumping the gun here but I really think that this time she means to stay clean. I think that she has the right motives and a self-fulfilling need to stay in recovery.
She's not doing it for me or her family rather she's doing it because SHE WANTS to do it. BINGO! Naturally, my family and friends are throwing a fit right now because they don't think she's really changed and this is just a temporary phase resulting from her suicide attempt. That it's going to be another cycle of ups and many downs and that if she hurts me this time there will be no recovering from it. That really bummed me out although I understand why they said it, I could have used SOME encouragement. I also know they don't know her like I know her and they haven't witnessed the constant battle she had to go through like I did.
I can see a distinct difference from her trying to stay clean now versus her past attempts, which were hardly attempts at all. And all I can do is give my worries over to God and trust that He'll pull me through this whether it ends badly or not. I love her. I want to be with her. Yes, she's brought me a lot of pain but she's brought me joy too and I think that's what'll make us stronger. I've always loved the addict, never the addiction and this is where I want to be
It went surprisingly well and my ex disclosed some things about herself and about her state of mind while she was using that I never knew. And you know, it really cleared a lot of things up for me and answered many of my questions. So much so. . .and brace yourselves. . .that she and I are officially back together again. Maybe I'm jumping the gun here but I really think that this time she means to stay clean. I think that she has the right motives and a self-fulfilling need to stay in recovery.
She's not doing it for me or her family rather she's doing it because SHE WANTS to do it. BINGO! Naturally, my family and friends are throwing a fit right now because they don't think she's really changed and this is just a temporary phase resulting from her suicide attempt. That it's going to be another cycle of ups and many downs and that if she hurts me this time there will be no recovering from it. That really bummed me out although I understand why they said it, I could have used SOME encouragement. I also know they don't know her like I know her and they haven't witnessed the constant battle she had to go through like I did.
I can see a distinct difference from her trying to stay clean now versus her past attempts, which were hardly attempts at all. And all I can do is give my worries over to God and trust that He'll pull me through this whether it ends badly or not. I love her. I want to be with her. Yes, she's brought me a lot of pain but she's brought me joy too and I think that's what'll make us stronger. I've always loved the addict, never the addiction and this is where I want to be
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: twilight zone,usa
Posts: 3,909
i really hope this is her time. just continue to take care of yourself & leave her recovery to her.u are powerless over people. by that i mean her & your family also.they have just seen you hurt so many times they do not trust her. saying a pray for u both.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: GO PENS
Posts: 1,151
Newblue, Just be careful not to let your heart rule your head. Keep your boundries in place so she can continue on her positive path. Don't let your love get in the way of enabling. I wish you the best with your descision. It sounds like she is really tryng this time.
Prayers for both of you..........Lo
Prayers for both of you..........Lo
Let me grow up.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Lake Charles, LA
Posts: 201
I know I'll have to keep living for myself and not get so involved in what she's doing that I forget about me. I have to keep in mind how shakey an addict's recovery can be. So, no I don't worry that I've let my guard down. In fact, I know I haven't but I'm not trying to be skeptical or bitter either. I want to be supportive and encouraging without being overly optimistic. And I'm working towards finding a happy medium between having hope but not too much hope if that's possible.
But one of the perks of having faith in God is that He takes a lot of my worries away. Only He knows what I'm destined for and this may or may not be it but right now I just want to enjoy it. I plan to enjoy where she is right now in her life and where we are. I've had my fill of worrying, crying, and stressing. Looking at the big picture is great sometimes but it can also do more harm then good.
I know it's best not to get too comfortable and to remember the realities of what it's like to be with an active or recovered drug addict.
But one of the perks of having faith in God is that He takes a lot of my worries away. Only He knows what I'm destined for and this may or may not be it but right now I just want to enjoy it. I plan to enjoy where she is right now in her life and where we are. I've had my fill of worrying, crying, and stressing. Looking at the big picture is great sometimes but it can also do more harm then good.
I know it's best not to get too comfortable and to remember the realities of what it's like to be with an active or recovered drug addict.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: My House
Posts: 1,122
Newblue82,
I can kinda relate... so many of my friends are in shock that my sister and I are trying to be friends again. They see how hurt I was before and they are fighting desperately to sheild me from that pain. But the thing is, we can't worry about what others think. They are only hearing the bits and pieces we tell them, they are not there to know the full story. Even if you think they know the full story, unless they are with you and her 24/7, there is no possible way that they could have the same perspective that you do.
You are a wonderful person to be there for her right now. I am sure you are a huge part of her support system for recovery. The only thing I can think to say here is that I hope you'll be careful to take care of yourself first. You may still need to recover yourself, and your recovery has got to be separate and independent from hers. It's great that you are working towards the same goal, and that goal will probably pull you closer together in the long run, assuming all goes well. But just be sure that you don't get so comfortable in this that you let your guard down and let your recovery suffer, because if that happens and she slips, you will be in terrible shape.
I wish you nothing but the best in this.
*hugs and prayers*
I can kinda relate... so many of my friends are in shock that my sister and I are trying to be friends again. They see how hurt I was before and they are fighting desperately to sheild me from that pain. But the thing is, we can't worry about what others think. They are only hearing the bits and pieces we tell them, they are not there to know the full story. Even if you think they know the full story, unless they are with you and her 24/7, there is no possible way that they could have the same perspective that you do.
You are a wonderful person to be there for her right now. I am sure you are a huge part of her support system for recovery. The only thing I can think to say here is that I hope you'll be careful to take care of yourself first. You may still need to recover yourself, and your recovery has got to be separate and independent from hers. It's great that you are working towards the same goal, and that goal will probably pull you closer together in the long run, assuming all goes well. But just be sure that you don't get so comfortable in this that you let your guard down and let your recovery suffer, because if that happens and she slips, you will be in terrible shape.
I wish you nothing but the best in this.
*hugs and prayers*
Let me grow up.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Lake Charles, LA
Posts: 201
The closest thing I have to christian therapy is her mother who's an ordained minister. She doesn't approve of the relationship because of her religious beliefs but she's always kept an open enough mind to want her daughter's happiness first and foremost. So to that extent she's accepted me and we have a pretty good relationship.
I talk about a lot of things with her like if I've made the right choice, will things work out, etc. She's told me pretty much the same things you all have with a particular emphasis on the importance of keeping God in our lives and to have more faith in Him then people because people can and will let you down. So I'm taking her advice. I can't help who I am but I can still make Him an intricate part of my life and it's brought me comfort and peace of mind.
Things will be as they will be and He will bring me through all of it, the tough times and the good times.
I talk about a lot of things with her like if I've made the right choice, will things work out, etc. She's told me pretty much the same things you all have with a particular emphasis on the importance of keeping God in our lives and to have more faith in Him then people because people can and will let you down. So I'm taking her advice. I can't help who I am but I can still make Him an intricate part of my life and it's brought me comfort and peace of mind.
Things will be as they will be and He will bring me through all of it, the tough times and the good times.
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