The judge said.....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Blacksburg, VA
Posts: 191
The judge said.....
that I do not have the legal right to bring up the motion that my ex husband violated the court order forbidding him to spend the money for our sons college education until my son reaches college age, in 3 years.
I have to wait another 3 years to complain that he stole the money over the past 3 years. Makes perfect sense, right?
Im am too beside myself to go into all the details, other than she gave him 48 hours to prove he has life insurance with me as beneficiary, and gave him 2 weeks to pay off another tuition plan that he is $430 in arrears on.
Wasnt that nice of her.....? He told her he was SOBER now and that life is a-ok, and cant understand why our son hates him and doesnt want to see him...and ya know what??????
SHE BELIEVED HIM!
She says to me" He is sober now, whats the problem"?
Ok,,Im wanting to slit my wrists again.....after making SEVERAL attempts at explaining ABSTINENCE isnt SOBRIETY....that sober behavior comes from spiritual recovery NOT abstaining from chemicals.....I just gave up. She totally believed he was sober....CUS HE SAID HE WAS! I kid you not.
She never once chastised him for not having seen my boy for 2 years, for stealing the money, for cancelling the life insurance policy.. NOTHING!!!!
Se was cold, indiffent and apathetic.and she wanted us the hell out of her court room, She spoke fast and rushed us both....I twas obvious she didnt care, she just wanted it done.
So...when she asked if he could see out boy TODAY, not a visitation day,since after all, he is in town...he lives 120 miles away, and HEY, LETS GIVE THE ALKIE A BREAK AND MAKE IT CONVENIENT FOR HIM!!!!!
I said YES...if he wrote me a check for $15,000 that he stole".....well,,,,lets just say she didnt like my attitude...LOL LOL...and I didnt give a snit cus I didnt like HERS!!!
So, I exercised my lega right and said NO....he may see him on the next legal visitation day, tomorrow.So, dear old sober daddy is to show up tomorrow.....why? i dunno, he hasnt showed up in 2 years,,,what makes NOW so special??? Oh,,you guys are way ahead of me here arent you??? Its so he can LOOK GOOD to the judge, that he shows up cus he told her he would.
I asked this WOMAN if I should force my boy to see the man who stole from him, abandoned him, lied to him......she said no...its up to him. But, gee, she just couldnt seem to understand why he WOULDNT want to see daddy???
Ok,,,outcome...well, it wasnt all that bad. If he doesnt provide proof of insurance and pay the money for the other tuition plan, I can take him back to court, said to call her office and they will set it up and oh, ya, he can go to jail....... Hmmmmmm......this being the case, if he EVER fails in the future to make these payments...I can TAKE HIM BACK to court.....
which, by the way, he told me all week that his greatest fear would be that this case would never end.......and he wanted it all over with. Seems he may have gotten his worst wish come true.....
cus it aint going to end,,,,til my son gets his money back.
Hmmmmmmm, God does behave in mysterious ways doesnt he???
Oh and by the way.....did I tell ya he owes me $4500 on a personal loan.....? Small claims court....here I come!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
PS - Did I tell you the judge has been in family court for a whopping 6 weeks?
I have to wait another 3 years to complain that he stole the money over the past 3 years. Makes perfect sense, right?
Im am too beside myself to go into all the details, other than she gave him 48 hours to prove he has life insurance with me as beneficiary, and gave him 2 weeks to pay off another tuition plan that he is $430 in arrears on.
Wasnt that nice of her.....? He told her he was SOBER now and that life is a-ok, and cant understand why our son hates him and doesnt want to see him...and ya know what??????
SHE BELIEVED HIM!
She says to me" He is sober now, whats the problem"?
Ok,,Im wanting to slit my wrists again.....after making SEVERAL attempts at explaining ABSTINENCE isnt SOBRIETY....that sober behavior comes from spiritual recovery NOT abstaining from chemicals.....I just gave up. She totally believed he was sober....CUS HE SAID HE WAS! I kid you not.
She never once chastised him for not having seen my boy for 2 years, for stealing the money, for cancelling the life insurance policy.. NOTHING!!!!
Se was cold, indiffent and apathetic.and she wanted us the hell out of her court room, She spoke fast and rushed us both....I twas obvious she didnt care, she just wanted it done.
So...when she asked if he could see out boy TODAY, not a visitation day,since after all, he is in town...he lives 120 miles away, and HEY, LETS GIVE THE ALKIE A BREAK AND MAKE IT CONVENIENT FOR HIM!!!!!
I said YES...if he wrote me a check for $15,000 that he stole".....well,,,,lets just say she didnt like my attitude...LOL LOL...and I didnt give a snit cus I didnt like HERS!!!
So, I exercised my lega right and said NO....he may see him on the next legal visitation day, tomorrow.So, dear old sober daddy is to show up tomorrow.....why? i dunno, he hasnt showed up in 2 years,,,what makes NOW so special??? Oh,,you guys are way ahead of me here arent you??? Its so he can LOOK GOOD to the judge, that he shows up cus he told her he would.
I asked this WOMAN if I should force my boy to see the man who stole from him, abandoned him, lied to him......she said no...its up to him. But, gee, she just couldnt seem to understand why he WOULDNT want to see daddy???
Ok,,,outcome...well, it wasnt all that bad. If he doesnt provide proof of insurance and pay the money for the other tuition plan, I can take him back to court, said to call her office and they will set it up and oh, ya, he can go to jail....... Hmmmmmm......this being the case, if he EVER fails in the future to make these payments...I can TAKE HIM BACK to court.....
which, by the way, he told me all week that his greatest fear would be that this case would never end.......and he wanted it all over with. Seems he may have gotten his worst wish come true.....
cus it aint going to end,,,,til my son gets his money back.
Hmmmmmmm, God does behave in mysterious ways doesnt he???
Oh and by the way.....did I tell ya he owes me $4500 on a personal loan.....? Small claims court....here I come!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
PS - Did I tell you the judge has been in family court for a whopping 6 weeks?
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Murrieta, Ca
Posts: 2,683
Sorry BGP......nothing really I can say. I can relate though kind of.
My ex owes me $5,000, and the kids $10,000 that she "borrowed" to buy a Suburban. And, I'M THE ALCOHOLIC !!!!!......
Doesn't burn me that much anymore. She is what she is. And I let that go on the 4th & 5th anyway. I remember too, that she is sick.
My ex owes me $5,000, and the kids $10,000 that she "borrowed" to buy a Suburban. And, I'M THE ALCOHOLIC !!!!!......
Doesn't burn me that much anymore. She is what she is. And I let that go on the 4th & 5th anyway. I remember too, that she is sick.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 5,075
It's tough BGP - I'm also dealing with a judge who is charmed by AH. I'm just quietly biding my time til I tell my side WITH PAPERWORK. I am always reminded that AH has been manipulating and lying to people for 30 years in this disease. He's good at it.
All I can suggest is that from this day forward, document everything you can - starting with the visitation dates he doesn't show up for.
All I can suggest is that from this day forward, document everything you can - starting with the visitation dates he doesn't show up for.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 596
I've been on another forum for about 10 years. It's for stepmothers. Anyhow, there is no telling how a judge is going to respond. Some of the stories I've heard are just insane. I'm sorry she isn't experienced enough to know she is being had. She's probably part of the movement that believes mothers shouldn't use PAS (parental alienation syndrome) on their kids. So she may think you are somehow brainwashing your son against his father. She may think that your issues with him revolved around drinking, and since he's not drinking anymore, the man should be able to see his son. I've heard that judges really don't like to mix money with visitation, those are two totally separate issues. So when you said he could see your son for $15k, that may have reinforced what she was thinking.
How old is your son? How does he feel about seeing his dad? How long will he have to be with him? Would seem odd to see a father who abandoned him 2 years ago.
Is he in arrears for the child support? Does he pay child support? When does your support end? Have you checked into how your state is handling the new trend to continue child support all the way through college? It's sort of a toss up based on what state you live in. I've seen some people who haven't been able to enforce that, and then again, I've seen others who have had to pay room & board, plus tuition and books until the kid graduates. So, if he stole your son's college funds, but you manage to get him to be financially responsible for putting your (HIS ALSO) son through college, then he will hopefully pay one way or the other.
How old is your son? How does he feel about seeing his dad? How long will he have to be with him? Would seem odd to see a father who abandoned him 2 years ago.
Is he in arrears for the child support? Does he pay child support? When does your support end? Have you checked into how your state is handling the new trend to continue child support all the way through college? It's sort of a toss up based on what state you live in. I've seen some people who haven't been able to enforce that, and then again, I've seen others who have had to pay room & board, plus tuition and books until the kid graduates. So, if he stole your son's college funds, but you manage to get him to be financially responsible for putting your (HIS ALSO) son through college, then he will hopefully pay one way or the other.
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
Jeez, where is Judge Judy when you need her? This judge was a real green winnie, and her decision speaks volumes for abstract stupidity, at it's finest.
I am sorry, however, I would do what you are planning to do, take him to the wall.
I am sorry, however, I would do what you are planning to do, take him to the wall.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: behind the viewfinder...
Posts: 6,278
It must be difficult to know you are right and not be able to convince the judge. Not saying she made the right decision, but in a way, I can understand why she did what she did. First of all, judges (esp. those who hear family law cases) spend their days hearing 'he said, she said.' They have no way of really knowing who is telling the truth and who is lying. And, at least where I live, they have huge caseloads and are pretty much forced to get through them quickly. As Denny said, document everything. While a judge may not have the time or patience to sort out the verbal arguments, most will take the time--before court--to go over pertinent information in the file. Therefore, it is imperative that you file your paperwork with the court prior to appearing.
The other thing that she may have considered is that it is possible that he could become remorseful over the next 3 years and replace the missing money. (thereby resolving the case without intervention of the courts) Again, not saying she is right, just trying to give a perspective of how she may have come to her decisions.
Sorry it didn't get resolved the way you wanted.
L
P.S. I am not a judge
But, I work in a court and deal with them on a regular basis.
The other thing that she may have considered is that it is possible that he could become remorseful over the next 3 years and replace the missing money. (thereby resolving the case without intervention of the courts) Again, not saying she is right, just trying to give a perspective of how she may have come to her decisions.
Sorry it didn't get resolved the way you wanted.
L
P.S. I am not a judge
But, I work in a court and deal with them on a regular basis.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 178
I'm so sorry about what your AH did to your son's account.
A bit off topic but I work in banking at the teller window right now and I'm amazed to see what some parents do to their kids financially.
Last week this young teenaged girl working at her first summer job came to deposit her paycheck into her minor account trying to save for monies when she graduates HS. Basically below age 18 she can make deposits, inquire about balance etc but cannot make a withdrawal without a parent with her.
When I told her the balance tears came pouring out and the mother hanging in the background came forward to see what was taking so long. The young girl then asked about when withdrawals were made and for how much. She was very shaken. All her earnings had pretty much been wiped out. There were words exchanged between her and the mother with comments from mom like we're going to put it back etc etc. It was very sad.
And then there are the kids that will try to sneak a withdrawal past a teller for drinking and drug money.
I don't know how a system could work a solution for minors but I do think some of these kids need better protection under current banking laws against their irresponsible, gambling, addicted or alcoholic parents.
Same thing with savings bonds. I've seen parents cash out the kids savings bonds the grandparents purchased toward future education. The kids never see the money.
A bit off topic but I work in banking at the teller window right now and I'm amazed to see what some parents do to their kids financially.
Last week this young teenaged girl working at her first summer job came to deposit her paycheck into her minor account trying to save for monies when she graduates HS. Basically below age 18 she can make deposits, inquire about balance etc but cannot make a withdrawal without a parent with her.
When I told her the balance tears came pouring out and the mother hanging in the background came forward to see what was taking so long. The young girl then asked about when withdrawals were made and for how much. She was very shaken. All her earnings had pretty much been wiped out. There were words exchanged between her and the mother with comments from mom like we're going to put it back etc etc. It was very sad.
And then there are the kids that will try to sneak a withdrawal past a teller for drinking and drug money.
I don't know how a system could work a solution for minors but I do think some of these kids need better protection under current banking laws against their irresponsible, gambling, addicted or alcoholic parents.
Same thing with savings bonds. I've seen parents cash out the kids savings bonds the grandparents purchased toward future education. The kids never see the money.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: LA - Lower Alabama
Posts: 5,068
I am confused. Was this a visitation hearing, a divorce hearing, or a civil issue on the theft of $15k?
If it is a visitation, I agree the $ should never even been brought up. Not fair, but they are separate issues.
If your hearing was in a family or divorce court, I would sue the SOB civilly. Guaranteed you will not get the same judge.
If it is a visitation, I agree the $ should never even been brought up. Not fair, but they are separate issues.
If your hearing was in a family or divorce court, I would sue the SOB civilly. Guaranteed you will not get the same judge.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 174
I have been thinking about you today and wondering how it went. I'm sorry it didn't go more your way. But I think that if and when she comes up for reelection or what ever you should come out of the wood work and tell your story. At least that way people will know what she is really like. But I'm glad you stood your ground and aren't going to let it go.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Blacksburg, VA
Posts: 191
To clarify, it was a motion for contempt....that he violated our court order from 7 years ago. We had shares of stock that was to be used for exlcusive use of our sons college expenses.....but the drunk used it for drugs, alcohol and prostitutes.
Ans the court said that was ok, apparently, and need not look into the matter until my son needs the money for college. I cant even talk about it anymore....disgusts me.
But, the one thing that brings me relief....is to know that the karma police are ALWAYS,,,and I mean ALWAYS onthe job.....no one can do what this man has done and get away with it *SPIRITUALLY*. He will never have peace knowing what he did until he makes it right.
Never, no how, no way......
Ans the court said that was ok, apparently, and need not look into the matter until my son needs the money for college. I cant even talk about it anymore....disgusts me.
But, the one thing that brings me relief....is to know that the karma police are ALWAYS,,,and I mean ALWAYS onthe job.....no one can do what this man has done and get away with it *SPIRITUALLY*. He will never have peace knowing what he did until he makes it right.
Never, no how, no way......
CindeRella is proof that a new pair of shoes can change your life!
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Spreading my wings
Posts: 7,163
Originally Posted by BigGirlPanties 
To clarify, it was a motion for contempt....that he violated our court order from 7 years ago. We had shares of stock that was to be used for exlcusive use of our sons college expenses.....but the drunk used it for drugs, alcohol and prostitutes.
Ans the court said that was ok, apparently, and need not look into the matter until my son needs the money for college. I cant even talk about it anymore....disgusts me.
But, the one thing that brings me relief....is to know that the karma police are ALWAYS,,,and I mean ALWAYS onthe job.....no one can do what this man has done and get away with it *SPIRITUALLY*. He will never have peace knowing what he did until he makes it right.
Never, no how, no way......
Ans the court said that was ok, apparently, and need not look into the matter until my son needs the money for college. I cant even talk about it anymore....disgusts me.
But, the one thing that brings me relief....is to know that the karma police are ALWAYS,,,and I mean ALWAYS onthe job.....no one can do what this man has done and get away with it *SPIRITUALLY*. He will never have peace knowing what he did until he makes it right.
Never, no how, no way......
So true about the "Karma Police"! BG I'm so sorry that you are going through this right now-it seems to be the status quo with Judges-they IMHO have allowed many of these men/woman to get off easy if you will, and it seems unjust to us because of all the angony that we have emotionally/physically or what have you been through with these individuals!
And you are 100% on track hon-"he will never have peace knowing what he did until he makes it right" if he ever makes it right-continue to live in your own peace!
I know a few out there A's and non A's that are suffering in their own worlds because of their choices in life!
The "Karma Police" are out there for you hon, just try and hang on!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Blacksburg, VA
Posts: 191
Thanks for saying that, Rella, and everyone....Im hurting alot today. The unfairness of it all hurts.
The only thing that brings me any peace is he has thrown away the mot valueable of all luxuries....the love and respect of his son.
Somehow, somewhere that has to hurt him.....
The only thing that brings me any peace is he has thrown away the mot valueable of all luxuries....the love and respect of his son.
Somehow, somewhere that has to hurt him.....
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Join Date: May 2004
Location: England
Posts: 3,410
I am sorry to hear that, BGB.
If I were to play Devil's Advocate, I can kind of understand the judge's position. As it stands, there is no loss, given that the money is not required for 3 years. He has ample time to put it back. Yes, I know, it is unlikely that he will, however having been throughg a long legal process myself, I can see that these things come down to a strict wording of the law, and any contracts that are governed by it.
I often found myself thinking "WWJJD" - What Would Judge Judy Do? It has given me some interesting, and worthwhile, insights into my own legal stuff.
Hammer him with anything else you can, though. And keep in mind that it is business - bringing in personal stuff only serves to antagonise. The universe takes care of non-legal stuff, I reckon.
If I were to play Devil's Advocate, I can kind of understand the judge's position. As it stands, there is no loss, given that the money is not required for 3 years. He has ample time to put it back. Yes, I know, it is unlikely that he will, however having been throughg a long legal process myself, I can see that these things come down to a strict wording of the law, and any contracts that are governed by it.
I often found myself thinking "WWJJD" - What Would Judge Judy Do? It has given me some interesting, and worthwhile, insights into my own legal stuff.
Hammer him with anything else you can, though. And keep in mind that it is business - bringing in personal stuff only serves to antagonise. The universe takes care of non-legal stuff, I reckon.
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