BlueMoon

*sigh*

I don't know what the deal is -
*I* kicked HIM out, he had become a total a-hole ... there is absolutely No Way I'd consider getting back together with him ... so WHY am I friggin' missing him?
I waste so much time all day, everyday wishing he'd call ...
I don't want to actually talk to him, I just wanna know that He wants ME ...

*sigh*
Such a fragile ego ... and NO self esteem at all ...


Blue

Barbara52

{hugs}

You are mourning the loss of what you had (or thought you had). Its very real mourning and of course it makes you feel all the emotions that go along with that. Give yourself some time to mourn that loss but don't lose sight of what led you to your decision to end the relationship.

I know I am mourning the loss of what I thought I had. It was based on lies and it sucked but its still a loss. I feel great sadness that my marriage wasn't what I thought it could be, that my AH is not the man I thought he was and that he won't help himself. But I also am thankful I found the strength to leave him and begin a new life without AH dragging me down.

hbb

((Bluemoon)) Im in your same shoes, not with recent exabf and know it's not right but wishing he wanted ME back as he wanted the break. It's been 3 weeks of NO contact and i'm sad everyday too.....i know how you feel, just sad.....hang in there and try to keep busy, i know it's hard, i'm right there with you.

ladyjane

Phantom pain. That's what people have when they have limbs removed. They still feel pain from an arm or leg that's been removed.
I guess that's what we feel when our a's are gone. It still hurts and will until we get used to it.
Hang in there, Bluemoon, it will get better.
________________
Trish

pineapple2007

I have been through this EXACT thing in april of this year.
And you know what. When I left him it was way harder to cope than now that he has left me! Isnt that messed up? I went through that same "why wont he call!!!"and the waiting by the phone.

but the way my situation played out is probably not what will happen to u.
I called him a few times (even tho I LEFT HIM!) and then one night he called me and I ran back. (now we are seperated though)

Just keep reminding urself of the exact REASON you left. Maybe that will help.It is very very hard.... but u have to deal with it one day at a time.... actually-one hour at a time!!!

But honestly. I have been in that exact situation. and i am also going through it right NOW...

minnie

Heh, it's crap when even THEY don't want us, isn't it?

fluffyflea

Well then I guess the deal is to work on your self-esteem.


Earthworm

BlueMoon

Self Esteem .... what's THAT!?!?

Kidding aside - yeah, that's at the top of the "List of Necessities" for sure ...

It's kinda tricky to figure out cuz I don't think I've EVER had any.

What makes it worse is that I WANT + Believe In **Instant Gratification**! Kinda like "Hey, I just did 5 sit-ups, WHY haven't I lost any weight!?!"



Blue

GiveLove

Blue,

Have you ever listened to Martha Beck's books (or read them) ?

You have the same funny sense of humor as she does. I think you might enjoy them, like The Joy Diet: Ten Daily Practices for a Happier Life. I got mine on Abebooks dot com but you can get them from the library too. It helped me through some pretty dark times.

It was hard to feel bad when I was laughing at myself (like you did with your 5 situps analogy...) Laughter is incredibly good medicine for what you're going through too. It works on a chemical level, you don't even have to work for it!

GL

dollydo

Ah, instant gratification, the bain of society today. We want it all, NOW, and we won't accept that everything worth having takes a slow steady pace, planning and follow thru. It hasn't changed in a 100 years and I don't see it changing anytime soon.

Give yourself time, grieve, forgive and accept the pace at which this process must move, slowly, steadly, one day at a time, until the process is complete, and then and only then will you move on, to a new chapter in that book, called your life.

8675309

(((((((Blue))))))))) I feel I'm a similar boat. My AH and I have been separated for more than two months. He was pursuing me heavily for up till about a week ago. I wouldn't cave and now he isn't calling anymore unless there is a real reason. That's what I wanted but some little warped thing inside of me is feeling very sad. It feels pretty insane. Distraction is the key. When I focus on something else, it seems to help get past it, at least for awhile. Hang in there.

goldenleaves

Mine actually left me for the 3rd time just over 3 months ago to continue on with his multiple addictions (I didn't like to 'party' enough and he once again wanted to sleep with multiple partners half his age), and was pursuing very strongly yet again (in between pursuing another married women and a girl 20 years younger than him) until 2 weeks ago. I'd drawn the line in the sand this time - about time.

And yes, despite all the rubbish I've let him deal me over the last 8 years, I too feel sad and lonely and wish things had been different. However I keep telling myself why should I even care whether somebody like him really loves me (not just the over-the-top flattery he spins to get me back in).

He's not capable of making grown up decisions, caring for himself properly, or thinking about how others really feel, much less caring how his behaviour hurts others. So his opinion of me is worth a big fat zero.... he's not capable of forming rational opinions.

Celebrity stalkers say they love their objects of infactuation and yet most have never met them.... same here... not real love, he was just loving the 'idea' of what he wanted (his fantasy of how things should be) and the fact that I put up with him.

And I loved the 'idea' of what I wished him to be.... it just doesn't match up with the real picture of who he now is. And that is something I'm still getting past, as well as the anger at myself for being so darn stupid as to let ANY of this happen in the first place - what was I thinking!?

Charm

I hear ya- I know all about that

I just read the book by Iam Kelner- the guy that wrote "He's just not that into you"- and this book was "Face it- you're not really into him either"..and although it's not about guys with alcohol problems- is is about the dynamics that play between women and men- and why we hold on to someone not right for us- mostly beacuse we lack the esteem and pride in ourselves

Lady BlueMiles

You are mourning the loss of what you had (or thought you had). Its very real mourning and of course it makes you feel all the emotions that go along with that.

That's what was happening to me last night after my first meeting. Feels like I've been to my own funeral.

When do the "new birth" feelings kick in. LOL Soon I hope.