Sooo... I'm kinda new here.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 11
Sooo... I'm kinda new here.
I haven't lurked yet. Thought about it. Thought against it and decided to post instead. I could lurk forever and ever. That won't get me anywhere.
I'm just kind of stumbling through the days right now. I am a sahm to two beautiful, demonic children. I have absolutely no sense of myself and virtually no coping skills. Over a year ago I started taking effexor, and after 5.5 years of a comfortable sobriety (I was a heavy drinker towards the end of school) I became suicidal and started to drink to numb myself. For the past 8 months almost I've been drunk more days than sober.
I used to think I was a 'normal' drinker. I knew when to stop, before I got too drunk or anywhere near sick. Lately I've been blacking out after a drinking fest and my behaviour has been despicable. I look at what my life has become and wonder why the hell I'm still sitting on the fence trying to decide to be sober and at the same time rationalizing continuing to drink.
How do you get off the fence? How do you hit that "ready to get better" threshhold? I look at my kids and think they should be more than enough for me to want to get better. Hell, *I* should be more than enough for me to want to get better.
*shrugs*
Just trying to figure all this out for myself, and say hey because I'm sure I'll be hanging around these forums lots.
Cheers,
Deliza
I'm just kind of stumbling through the days right now. I am a sahm to two beautiful, demonic children. I have absolutely no sense of myself and virtually no coping skills. Over a year ago I started taking effexor, and after 5.5 years of a comfortable sobriety (I was a heavy drinker towards the end of school) I became suicidal and started to drink to numb myself. For the past 8 months almost I've been drunk more days than sober.
I used to think I was a 'normal' drinker. I knew when to stop, before I got too drunk or anywhere near sick. Lately I've been blacking out after a drinking fest and my behaviour has been despicable. I look at what my life has become and wonder why the hell I'm still sitting on the fence trying to decide to be sober and at the same time rationalizing continuing to drink.
How do you get off the fence? How do you hit that "ready to get better" threshhold? I look at my kids and think they should be more than enough for me to want to get better. Hell, *I* should be more than enough for me to want to get better.
*shrugs*
Just trying to figure all this out for myself, and say hey because I'm sure I'll be hanging around these forums lots.
Cheers,
Deliza
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,473
Hi deliza,
You have to begin to like and love yourself. At least for me, I had to truly, deeply believe that I was worth it. I had done so much for my kids and my husband and never bothered to give myself the caring that I needed. If you believe you are worth it, you can move forward and live a sober life.
I'm glad you joined us!
You have to begin to like and love yourself. At least for me, I had to truly, deeply believe that I was worth it. I had done so much for my kids and my husband and never bothered to give myself the caring that I needed. If you believe you are worth it, you can move forward and live a sober life.
I'm glad you joined us!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 12,136
Deliza,
I'm very glad that you decided to join us. Welcome. I was drinking heavily when my kids were young, and despised myself for it.
I understand what it's like to drink to numb yourself. I understand suicidal. And I take anti depressants, too. I can't believe that I'm sober and clean today, and the thing is, this gift is there for anyone who wants it, who will work for it.
Please keep posting. Others will be along to welcome you soon.
Rowan
I'm very glad that you decided to join us. Welcome. I was drinking heavily when my kids were young, and despised myself for it.
I understand what it's like to drink to numb yourself. I understand suicidal. And I take anti depressants, too. I can't believe that I'm sober and clean today, and the thing is, this gift is there for anyone who wants it, who will work for it.
Please keep posting. Others will be along to welcome you soon.
Rowan
I pulled off your wings ...
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: United Kingdom (Im already there in mind)
Posts: 475
Originally Posted by deliza 
I haven't lurked yet. Thought about it. Thought against it and decided to post instead. I could lurk forever and ever. That won't get me anywhere.
I'm just kind of stumbling through the days right now. I am a sahm to two beautiful, demonic children. I have absolutely no sense of myself and virtually no coping skills. Over a year ago I started taking effexor, and after 5.5 years of a comfortable sobriety (I was a heavy drinker towards the end of school) I became suicidal and started to drink to numb myself. For the past 8 months almost I've been drunk more days than sober.
I used to think I was a 'normal' drinker. I knew when to stop, before I got too drunk or anywhere near sick. Lately I've been blacking out after a drinking fest and my behaviour has been despicable. I look at what my life has become and wonder why the hell I'm still sitting on the fence trying to decide to be sober and at the same time rationalizing continuing to drink.
How do you get off the fence? How do you hit that "ready to get better" threshhold? I look at my kids and think they should be more than enough for me to want to get better. Hell, *I* should be more than enough for me to want to get better.
*shrugs*
Just trying to figure all this out for myself, and say hey because I'm sure I'll be hanging around these forums lots.
Cheers,
Deliza
I'm just kind of stumbling through the days right now. I am a sahm to two beautiful, demonic children. I have absolutely no sense of myself and virtually no coping skills. Over a year ago I started taking effexor, and after 5.5 years of a comfortable sobriety (I was a heavy drinker towards the end of school) I became suicidal and started to drink to numb myself. For the past 8 months almost I've been drunk more days than sober.
I used to think I was a 'normal' drinker. I knew when to stop, before I got too drunk or anywhere near sick. Lately I've been blacking out after a drinking fest and my behaviour has been despicable. I look at what my life has become and wonder why the hell I'm still sitting on the fence trying to decide to be sober and at the same time rationalizing continuing to drink.
How do you get off the fence? How do you hit that "ready to get better" threshhold? I look at my kids and think they should be more than enough for me to want to get better. Hell, *I* should be more than enough for me to want to get better.
*shrugs*
Just trying to figure all this out for myself, and say hey because I'm sure I'll be hanging around these forums lots.
Cheers,
Deliza
ello ello dear
stay around we are here for you
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: tennessee
Posts: 592
Yeah your kids should be enough to get sober.But if you are anything like me it wasnt enough.I loved my kids and wife best I knew how I could buy them just about whatever they wanted I thought that was love and it kept them off my back so I could spend time wiyh my misstress alcohol my first true love and who loved me back.she insisted I spend most off my time with her so family was pushed on down the line.
I pulled off your wings ...
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: United Kingdom (Im already there in mind)
Posts: 475
Originally Posted by baggervance
Yeah your kids should be enough to get sober.But if you are anything like me it wasnt enough.I loved my kids and wife best I knew how I could buy them just about whatever they wanted I thought that was love and it kept them off my back so I could spend time wiyh my misstress alcohol my first true love and who loved me back.she insisted I spend most off my time with her so family was pushed on down the line.
hey bagger
thank god you broke up with your mistress...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 11
Originally Posted by baggervance
Yeah your kids should be enough to get sober.But if you are anything like me it wasnt enough.I loved my kids and wife best I knew how I could buy them just about whatever they wanted I thought that was love and it kept them off my back so I could spend time wiyh my misstress alcohol my first true love and who loved me back.she insisted I spend most off my time with her so family was pushed on down the line.
Thanks everyone for the warm welcome. It feels good to be in a place where I'm understood, as opposed to judged, lectured or babysat.
*hugs*
I pulled off your wings ...
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: United Kingdom (Im already there in mind)
Posts: 475
Originally Posted by baggervance
How's Jen today?
good! Started the med detox.. he is weening me off the hydro by lowering my dose. He said that me going cold turkey was not a good move. In fact.. I had seizure this morning while sleeping so im glad i got to the docs today.. but im feeling good now and my brother had my meds so i cant get at em
what about you?
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