cglass63

Hi, I'm new to this site and hope I'm in the right place. My daughter who is 27 yrs old is a drug addict. She has 2 small children who lives with their father. She recently spent about three months in jail for poss. of cocain and other drugs. She made all these promises of what she was going to do when she got out but hasn't done anything.She could have went to a christian based rehab center for awhile but chose not to because they are to strict. She called me last night needing a place to spend the night but I wouldn't let her come over ( I can not trust her). My heart breaks but what else could I do. Tough love is hard. Carol

Macphisto

I'm sure you will get some help on this site but you may want to post this question on the Friends and Family of Alcohol/drug abusers.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/family-friends/

either way, good luck finding a solution.. Addiction is a horrible thing

Dream2bClean

I am trying to get clean myself and I applaud you for not giving her a place to stay. I have a new baby and just started using again and was doing great (nothing)thorugh my pregnancy but now the disease has come back on me full force b/c my husband is an addict too.

I just wanted to let you know that you can find a lot of supprprt here I am back after 3 years trying to find my way for my daughter but would never give her up for anything drug drink especially.
The best thing I can do is point is refer you to the al anon board it is just a few doenand that is whee you need to be. ( friends and family of addicts)

I hope I helped you is some way and I pray for your daughter and her babies.

igetallnumb

Tough love is hard but this is best thing you can do..you have to give her consequences for actions she is taking. She needs to know that she needs help and if she doesnt get it then you will not help her in her day to day using.
All of us addicts make excuses because they sound good at the time and we want to appease the person we are talking to.... thats it... there is usually no merit to what we are saying at the time.
Stick to your guns...show her the road on drugs is a tough and lonely one she wont have her mother and her family... she will wake up but she hasnt reached bottom yet..
we are here for you and we will give you first hand advice because we were all addicts.......once

Rowan

Hi clgass,

Welcome to Sober Recovery. I hope you check out the link for our Friends and Families section that Macphisto provided you with (thanks Mac!).
You've found a very caring recovery community and we are glad that you're here.

Rowan

hopefully tryin

HI and welcome,
I do not have much advice on your particular situation however, if she is not willing to go to a rehab center because they are to "strict" then plaina nd simply she is not ready to quit and that is where it must come from ..........her being ready.
It sounds like it was an excuse on her end to not have to go to a rehab center. I myself am a mother of 2 and I know it must have been hard for you to tell her no but you stuck to your guns and did what was best for you and the other members of your family. I wish you all the best and hope that your daughter finds peace, serenity and most of recoevery from her addiction.
God Bless

Change4life

I know it must have been heartbreaking turning your daughter away, but speaking as an addict you did the right thing..

As long as she has somewhere to fall back on she wont change.

Years ago I was arrested for selling pills and they offered me a chance to go to rehab instead of jail. I chose jail with the excuse that the rehab would be to strict, but the truth is I just didnt want to stop. In my case the jail time was less than the time I would have spent in rehab. I chose jail so I could be out quicker and get bak to what I was doing.

she has to be ready and want it before she will change no matter what you do. In the meantime you are dong the right thing by not enabling her and looking for support here at SR. Definetly check out the family friends forum.

Goodluck to you.

chicago

its posts like this that really hit home. i am 27. i came to AA because it was my only remaining option. i had no other options. my parents enabled me for years and i never surrended because of it. finally when they stopped enabling me and i had absolutely no other choice...i came to AA. in my meeting yesterday this guy getting his 11-year coin says AA works best when people come in with no other options.

like your daughter i was using hard drugs (heroin) and i applaud you for your strength in cutting her off. this will help her reach her bottom faster and seek help sooner. now that i have some time (18 months) sober i have gotten my family back even after being homeless, burning every bridge imagineable, and crippled with a massive heroin habit...so there is much hope for her recovery when she is ready -no matter how far down the scale she had fallen. stay strong, Al-Alon is there for your support if you need it.

parentrecovers

nice to meet you, cglass. i have a 23 year old daughter - alcoholic and addict in first year recovery. i understand what you're going through. alanon helps me!

blessings, k

carl11

Speaking as a parent ..I think you have done the right thing....we had issues with our daughter as well....and until we pulled the sppt. plug she just kept on going on.....its been a year and a half ..she has her own job( 18 months now) she lives with a pretty good guy....she is living life now....IF my wife and I had kept enabling her and that’s what it is, enabling, then she never would have bottomed out and spent a lot more years wasting her life....till she finally “got it”.....

my wife and I spent MANY sleepless nights wondering if she was hanging with her no good “friends” or worse...but ,..in the end...we cannot live their lives for them and they, and only they can make the change.....I changed ....no booze...she eventually changed......yours can too....be strong.....