ease his mind??
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: utah
Posts: 42
ease his mind??
Hey all,
Happy Friday and a long weekend to you! I'm going for some R&R!! Much needed.
My husband has been drinking on and off again and for the millionth time he's begging for my forgiveness, he's surrendered now, he's not going to do it again, he loves me more than anything... you all know the story. He's scared out of his mind that I'm going to change our separation to a divorce. And to be honest, I'm really considering it. I'm so SICK and TIRED of dealing with him. So he's begging me today to give him one more chance and not divorce him , etc, etc. And he wants me to tell him this... to reassure his own mind. I told him I couldn't tell him anything right now because I'm angry and don't know what I feel anymore. Then after I get off the phone I feel bad for him!! What the heck is that about?? I almost called him back to say, okay I don't think I'll divorce you just yet so he could have a good weekend. And I caught myself and said, why do I feel the need to ease his mind? He certainly hasn't cared about my peace of mind in a long time. So I figured he could sweat it out all weekend. Let him deal with the consequences.
Do you guys think that's just mean? I don't want to be mean and ugly to him but I still find myself trying to make sure he's happy thinking he might not drink. Duh! Even after Al Anon, I slip.
PN
Happy Friday and a long weekend to you! I'm going for some R&R!! Much needed.
My husband has been drinking on and off again and for the millionth time he's begging for my forgiveness, he's surrendered now, he's not going to do it again, he loves me more than anything... you all know the story. He's scared out of his mind that I'm going to change our separation to a divorce. And to be honest, I'm really considering it. I'm so SICK and TIRED of dealing with him. So he's begging me today to give him one more chance and not divorce him , etc, etc. And he wants me to tell him this... to reassure his own mind. I told him I couldn't tell him anything right now because I'm angry and don't know what I feel anymore. Then after I get off the phone I feel bad for him!! What the heck is that about?? I almost called him back to say, okay I don't think I'll divorce you just yet so he could have a good weekend. And I caught myself and said, why do I feel the need to ease his mind? He certainly hasn't cared about my peace of mind in a long time. So I figured he could sweat it out all weekend. Let him deal with the consequences.
Do you guys think that's just mean? I don't want to be mean and ugly to him but I still find myself trying to make sure he's happy thinking he might not drink. Duh! Even after Al Anon, I slip.
PN
Supply Manager
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Cleaverville
Posts: 2,898
Alanon does not mean we don't question ourselves. I question myself and my motives alot. I just don't act on every whim my mind conjures up.
I don't think you are being mean at all. You told him how you honestly felt. It IS how you feel right? You don't like hurting someone else...that is a good thing. But in this case you would be hurting him more and confusing the situation more if you were not honest.
I suspect if you called him back just to make him feel better you would be kicking yourself worse than you are now.
Hugs,
JT
I don't think you are being mean at all. You told him how you honestly felt. It IS how you feel right? You don't like hurting someone else...that is a good thing. But in this case you would be hurting him more and confusing the situation more if you were not honest.
I suspect if you called him back just to make him feel better you would be kicking yourself worse than you are now.
Hugs,
JT
Learning to love life...
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: British Columbia, Canada
Posts: 529
Hi again paige n,
The thought occured to me that maybe you are scared? Scared that he might phone YOU back and say "You know what, I CAN'T stop drinking, and maybe we SHOULD get divorced". I just know how I work... thats what I would be feeling.
But on another note... GOOD FOR U! You are sounding so strong girl. If you can, avoid the phone for the weekend - get out and enjoy the outdoors
Take care
Meg
The thought occured to me that maybe you are scared? Scared that he might phone YOU back and say "You know what, I CAN'T stop drinking, and maybe we SHOULD get divorced". I just know how I work... thats what I would be feeling.
But on another note... GOOD FOR U! You are sounding so strong girl. If you can, avoid the phone for the weekend - get out and enjoy the outdoors
Take care
Meg
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