SeekSobriety

Hello Everyone, this is day 8 soberiety for me here, I am having a tough time dealing with my mother who has a undiagnosed mental illness, she is severly depressed all the time, goes to sleep at 6pm everynight, treats my father like ****. Is happy one minute, crazy the next. She refuses to seek treatment. My sister calls me constantly telling me how frustrated she is about how my mother acts towards her, (does not come to see her kids, does not ever help with any of her kids or anything, just quit her job stays home all day and still does not help with anything. The whole family has mental illness that noone will talk about or seek help about. Just thinking about this makes me want to drink and get high. My sponsor told me that there are three things in life Gods Buisness, my buisness and none of my buisness. I cannot force my mom or any other family members to get help, I cannot force my dad to try and help her. I just have to sit back on the sidelines and watch all this go down and it hurts me very much to see. It makes me want to drink and use.
What can I do? Al Anon? How do you let go of this?
Any help would be appreciated.
Thanks everyone!

dave1967

I have had to stay away from my mum. She is an alcoholic with schizophrenia.
I had to be drunk to deal with her in the past.
She is probably my biggest trigger.
I love her but cannot do anything for her.
I speak to her on the phone, and be as decent and loving as I can.
It's bloody hard.
I am now seeing a therapist to wrk on forgiveness, and change the way I became.
I put my Dad on a pedestal, but now see him in a different light.
He is an alky, but will never admit it, but thats not in my hands.
I'm sober 19 months again, no drugs for 3 years.
What I am saying is take care of yourself, you come first.
The rest will be taken care of, in whichever way is meant to be.

dave1967

I forgot to say, get sober first.
I got all the help I could. AA, doing the steps, counselling etc.
My life is getting unreal, as in prosperous and with new doors opening.
In 3 years of recovery, I have achieved more than in the previous 37.
Life begins at 40? It sure is for me.
Stay sober

amanda30

Like Dave said, you have to get sober first. You have to get think of yourself and only yourself until you can overcome your addiction. When I was in a program last year, their little motto was "it's a selfish program, it has to be" and that is true. You can't help anyone else until you help yourself.

I know that is easier said than done, especially when it comes to family members, but there is only so much you can do for them. You can't force them to receive help. I would just let them know that you are there for them if and when they need you.

Just my 2 cents. You'll be in my thoughts.

Anna

I have some serious issues with my Dad, my brother and my nephew. My Dad and brother both enable my nephew, who depressed/anxious and full of anger and rage. I have to remove myself from the situation because I have done all I can to help and I need to take care of myself.

Things will work out as they are meant to work out, in your situation. Take care of yourself.

SeekSobriety

Thanks very much for your support and guidance!
I am very much trying to focus on my self now, if that required me being a bit selfish for the time being, then so be it. I cannot control my Mother or Grandmother, if they seek to not get help for there illness that is not my fault or problem, I am seeking help for my problems and am working very hard to be the best me I can. That starts with staying clean and sober one day at a time. Of course it will be a challenge and hard to not get sucked into the negativity and depression when I interact with my family, but I will put my faith into my higher power and ask for guidance to help me grow and heal as a human being. I hope and pray that my Mother and Grandmother get better but I will no longer allow myself to be sucked into the negativity, when my Sister to talk to me about what my Mother is doing etc., I will use the line I was taught, there is Gods business, My Business and none of my business. It will be hard but it is what I need to do.

GlassPrisoner

Yup, focus on yourself. You probably can't help your Mom anyway, but if you can it won't be while you're drinking.

as far as your Mom, remember the 3 cs.

You didn't cause it
You can't cure it
You can't control it

I'm glad to see you have a sponsor. My sponsor is a great person, and just helped me avoid a "train wreck" recently.

SeekSobriety

But I do feel guilt over it, especially my Father (parents are still married) my mom treats my Dad terrible and while I do not live with them, I do see them frequently. My father does not have many friends and I always feel bad if I do not spend my freetime with him, the guilt then makes me want to drink and use. Its crazy, hopefully I will come to a place where I don't take everything so personally. It is just hard.

Anna

I think that each of us is on his/her own path. Your father is on his path through this life. What is happening in his life might not seem 'right' to you, but he is where he should be. I know it isn't easy and I have issues that I deal with in my life, but I try to look at it in a spiritual way - that each of us in on his own path and things are as they should be.

IO Storm

Seek...

I am sorry for what you are experiencing...

But everyone is right.."seek sobriety" first...no matter how messed up things

seem to be..you are not at all able to deal with these codependent painful

issues unless you are sober. In time..with a clear mind..you will see things

in a different light, and at the least be able to handle YOUR feelings about all

this ..whether or not you are able to effect a result. And, as you stay sober..

"More will be revealed".

My very best to you!

Love,

:

IO

SeekSobriety

Thanks again so much for your help and encouragement. It has been real tough but I feel good knowing that I am on steps to make a change for the better. The key is to use this momentum of being 7 days sober one day at a time and make sure I do not drink and use today no matter what. Thats the hard part, because as soon as something bad happens (phonecall, work related, stress) that is when the urge to drink and use comes up the strongest and sometimes I just don't care about what a meeting says, the steps or my sponsor. I figure sometimes that if I don't care about living why should I care what the negative effects of alcohol and drugs will have on me. While I do care now about living it is during times of extreme stress where I do not care about the negatives of using. I am trying to stay strong and I feel better after speaking with you now.

IO Storm

Try not to think of it as Day8..

Maybe 24 hours will be doable..one hour at a time...

We're with ya Seek!

dave1967

I like your username, Seeksobriety!
That is exactly what you are doing, and keep it up.
Letting go of these situations and family and friends etc, does bring up a
certain amount of guilt. But at the end of the day, who is going to get you sober
and take charge of your life... You are (with help) and being around the right people
also seeking sobriety.
My reactions to situations and people are completly different to 3 years ago.
It's true, I really can handle situations that used to baffle me. This sobriety thing
is quality.
Thanks for your post, it has helped me to look at my positivity, just when I was
feeling a bit low.
Keep travelling on this amazing journey.

SeekSobriety

Thanks Dave,
Just taking it one second at a time now. Trying to stay in the moment. It is hard to unlearn all the patterns I have built up in my mind. I worry about everything all the time, trying to break that pattern is almost as hard as trying to stay sober, but as they say there is no try just do. So I have to learn that mindset as will. I will stay sober, I will stop worrying about everything and about everyone. I will focus on me for a change.
Thanks again

IO Storm

Seek........

How are ya today?

SeekSobriety

Hi IO,
Thanks for asking, things are going generally in a positive direction. I am letting go of the worries over matters I cannot change and focusing on staying sober one second at a time, I got to 1.5 meetings last night which was great. I am at work now and having this site available to me when I am able to check it is a great thing! I have been listening to some ChuckC cd's and am feeling generally good. I do get upset when there are people that try and make me think about not taking medication for depression but then again I am not worrying about that just as I am not worrying about my Mother. But it does hurt though. Let it go though, that is what I do.

GlassPrisoner

Good. Well, not good you're hurtng, but good that you're feeling it instead of running from it. Feelings are not facts, and they eventually fade. If you ride them out, you come out the other end stronger.

Hang in there, it gets better.