The No Contact Rule
Survivor
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 149
The No Contact Rule
This has been posted before I am sure and this is not for everyone.....but when/if you have had enough and have made a decision to end the relationship......no contact will help you through the process....it will give you time to heal without the chaos in your life......
THE NO CONTACT RULE
1. To keep my sanity and end this relationship, I must maintain NO CONTACT.
2. NO CONTACT includes every single form of contact with him/her..
2a. This also includes...do NOT ask friends/family about him/her and do NOT let friends/family tell you about him/her.
3. I will not email him/her.
4. I will not call him/her.
5. I will not send him/her letters, cards for any occasion or notes of any kind.
6. I will not text message, two way, fax or page him/her.
NO CONTACT MEANS - NO CONTACT
7. If he/she calls me, I will not answer the phone.
8. If he/she leaves a voice mail or answering machine messages, I will delete it without listening to it. (Anything he/she says is done to draw me back into his/her web of insanity.)
9. If he/she emails me, I will delete the message without reading it or answering it.
10. If he/she mails me a card, letter or note of any kind, I will throw it into the garbage can without opening it or reading it.
11. If he/she two-ways me, text messages or pages me, I will delete the message or the phone number and not listen to the message or return his/her call.
12. If I am ever tempted to do anything listed from 1-11, I will replace a hopeful reunion fantasy with a Clear Memory of a time that he/she insulted me, manipulated me, belittled me, made me cry, used my children, friends or family to demean me, embarassed me in front of co-workers, family or friends or used sex or love as a way to intentionally hurt me.
13. If I feel like I am about to reach for the phone to call him/her, write, email, page, fax or text message him/her, I will count to ten and clealy ask myself silently, why am I doing this?
14. If friends and family are not supportive of my efforts to remove myself from this relationship, I will not discuss my personal life with them and will ask them sternly not to offer their opinions. My decisions about this are my own. This is My Battle.
15. If I find that the urge to speak to him/her or see him/her has overwhelmed me and I slip off the course, I promise to be kind to myself and patient with the situation.
16. I promise to be good to myself, forgive myself and allow myself to move on and not dwell on this for ever.
17. I will stop creating chaos in my mind & enviornment.
18. I will accept reality-The facts.
19. I will accept others for who they are.
20. My hands are off others responsibilities: I will tend to my own, focus on me.
21. I will refuse to believe any of his/her lies about how wonderful his/her life is now. Basing the truth on the past, I will assume him/her to be lying.
22. I will distrust every time he/she has a "change of heart".
23. I will journal all my positive and negative feelings.
24. I must accept my own responsibility in this relationship.
25. I will strive to find what it was that he/she invoked in me that created MY behavior.
26. We must love ourselves.
27. Take time off before beginning a new relationship.
28. Find out what we need in a relationship, and go after that in a person that is worthy and has substance, morals, and ethics.
ACCEPT NOTHING LESS FOR YOURSELF!!!
THE NO CONTACT RULE
1. To keep my sanity and end this relationship, I must maintain NO CONTACT.
2. NO CONTACT includes every single form of contact with him/her..
2a. This also includes...do NOT ask friends/family about him/her and do NOT let friends/family tell you about him/her.
3. I will not email him/her.
4. I will not call him/her.
5. I will not send him/her letters, cards for any occasion or notes of any kind.
6. I will not text message, two way, fax or page him/her.
NO CONTACT MEANS - NO CONTACT
7. If he/she calls me, I will not answer the phone.
8. If he/she leaves a voice mail or answering machine messages, I will delete it without listening to it. (Anything he/she says is done to draw me back into his/her web of insanity.)
9. If he/she emails me, I will delete the message without reading it or answering it.
10. If he/she mails me a card, letter or note of any kind, I will throw it into the garbage can without opening it or reading it.
11. If he/she two-ways me, text messages or pages me, I will delete the message or the phone number and not listen to the message or return his/her call.
12. If I am ever tempted to do anything listed from 1-11, I will replace a hopeful reunion fantasy with a Clear Memory of a time that he/she insulted me, manipulated me, belittled me, made me cry, used my children, friends or family to demean me, embarassed me in front of co-workers, family or friends or used sex or love as a way to intentionally hurt me.
13. If I feel like I am about to reach for the phone to call him/her, write, email, page, fax or text message him/her, I will count to ten and clealy ask myself silently, why am I doing this?
14. If friends and family are not supportive of my efforts to remove myself from this relationship, I will not discuss my personal life with them and will ask them sternly not to offer their opinions. My decisions about this are my own. This is My Battle.
15. If I find that the urge to speak to him/her or see him/her has overwhelmed me and I slip off the course, I promise to be kind to myself and patient with the situation.
16. I promise to be good to myself, forgive myself and allow myself to move on and not dwell on this for ever.
17. I will stop creating chaos in my mind & enviornment.
18. I will accept reality-The facts.
19. I will accept others for who they are.
20. My hands are off others responsibilities: I will tend to my own, focus on me.
21. I will refuse to believe any of his/her lies about how wonderful his/her life is now. Basing the truth on the past, I will assume him/her to be lying.
22. I will distrust every time he/she has a "change of heart".
23. I will journal all my positive and negative feelings.
24. I must accept my own responsibility in this relationship.
25. I will strive to find what it was that he/she invoked in me that created MY behavior.
26. We must love ourselves.
27. Take time off before beginning a new relationship.
28. Find out what we need in a relationship, and go after that in a person that is worthy and has substance, morals, and ethics.
ACCEPT NOTHING LESS FOR YOURSELF!!!
A work in progress....
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: FREE!!!! Somewhere in the Tennessee Mountains
Posts: 1,018
It is amazing how much clearer the whole situation with my exah became after several weeks of no contact. There is no way I would be where I am today if I had not set that boundary.
Live, Laugh, Love
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Between Fenway and the Beach!
Posts: 1,301
How do you get past an exgf that lives near me and i go nuts if her car is not home??? I've created all this in my head and she could be anywhere...how do you get past that, my ex lives across town so i don't see him much but his ex before me is more in my head than him....how do i eliviate her from my brain when i don't know what/if she has anything to do with him at the current moment (since a month ago when they all went away as "friends)....
Survivor
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 149
Like I said this is not for everyone....it mostly works when detaching from spouses, lovers, etc.....and only when you have truly made up your mind that you are sick and tired of being sick and tired......then it makes your journey to freedom a little easier.....once you are away from the chaos, hopefully you can see more clearly.....
My son is the addict in my life and I can apply some but not all.....mostly I have just detached with love, as they say, and don't enable him in any way....Still want to know if he is alive....hurt when I see what he has become and do a lot of praying.....
Like with all that is offered, take what you need and leave the rest.......
My son is the addict in my life and I can apply some but not all.....mostly I have just detached with love, as they say, and don't enable him in any way....Still want to know if he is alive....hurt when I see what he has become and do a lot of praying.....
Like with all that is offered, take what you need and leave the rest.......
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: my hearts in NY i'm in FL
Posts: 112
it is the hardest thing i have had to do since the insanity has begun. but i am slowly regaining myself. no one ever said recovery was easy.
thanks for the reminder why/who i am doing this for. i will print this out
:^)
thanks for the reminder why/who i am doing this for. i will print this out
:^)
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