igetallnumb

Today I had an NA meeting. And it was wonderful. So much support and so many people there in the same boat as I. I sat through the meeting feeling good. On the way back my brother phoned me up and asked if we could catch a flick together. I said sure. We went to the movies to see The Simpsons and the line was huge to buy tickets. So many people it was so loud and it felt like the noise was amplified one hundred times more. My heart was pounding and I was starting to feel hot lilke I was in a box trying to find my way out... I told my brother I would be right back and headed for the bathroom... while in the bathroom I was looking for my inhaler because I felt a panic attack start to come on... lo and behold I didnt find my inhaler but I did find a half empty bottle of Vic's I would keep in my purse. I took two. Within seconds.... everything felt normal.... and I cried in that bathroom stall. I went back to join my brother , we saw the movie and came home.
I feel horrible I did that.... I feel like if I hadnt been in that type of situation I wouldnt have had to use.
Somebody help me. I dont want to use anymore tonight or ever.

Pilgrim

Throw out all the bottles. If you really want to stop, go through everything and throw them all away. Then keep going to meetings.

Thanks for the honesty and for letting us know.

xx

igetallnumb

I am going to the loo right now to get rid of them right now... I have to do it now while I have the courage.

Pilgrim

Atta girl!! I am proud.

IO Storm

Don't you think conciously or subconciously you knew you had a "half empty"

bottle? i don't k now what else to say to you..do you you still have a "half empty"

bottle minus two?

And..what is your recourse when the next intolerable situation comes?

Love,

IO

IO Storm

I do hope you can go to detox....

GlassPrisoner

No need to feel ashamed. Anxiety hit you hard because you're newly sober, and you turned to the same coping mechanism you've always used for anxiety. Not to say it's OK to use, BTW.....

Throw out the Vicodin, get to the next NA meeting you can, and do what they suggest. It's rough at first, and you're gonna feel the anxiety, but after a while serenity starts to creep in and you'll feel better.

baggervance

flush them suckers Jen have someone you trust help get them all even ones for extra tough times You got this just a small stumble remember nobody is perfect.Dont keep any , stay out of stressville situations for awhile you had to be feeling a little better if you were up and moving.You can do this.

igetallnumb

they are flushed now.... my brother helped me with it
tomorrow im going a meeting and right around the corner is the hospital im getting detoxed tomorrow no if ands or buts
Im gonna be up all night now I know that I hope some of you will still be on here for a little bit

baggervance

Long as you need for me I'll be here. Im a night owl by nature.

igetallnumb

Good ... cause all Im doing is sitting here self criticizing myself

baggervance

Dont beat your self up think all the things you did right the past couple of days.If you and brother get along see If he can hang with you a couple days.How long is your detox for?

igetallnumb

Well Im not sure how long it is I will find out tomorrow oh and no need to ask him cause he lives with me lol :P

Gmoney

The natural state for an addict is to use, so don't beat yourself up about it. Just recognize that had the pills not been available, you wouldn't have been so easy to use. As I've always said, our desire to stop using is demonstrated by our willingness to go to any lengths to stay clean. If you really, really want recovery...get rid of EVERY secret stash - clean out all your purses, drawers, cabinets, etc... No more excuses. We use because we want to. Just start over from right now.

Daisy1975

I'm another fellow night owl

As a fellow newcomer too, all I can say is that every minute (even if it is just minutes) that you do not continue to abuse is a plus. You slipped, but at least you felt guilty about the slip. At least you won't be taking anymore meds tonight.

Today is my 5th day without cocaine, but I have slipped so many times in the past few months. I almost slipped today as a matter of fact because weekends are my weakest time. I went to an NA meeting instead and have to say I am glad I did, and feel a little more at home at the NA than AA. Like others have said, you just have to try a few meetings until you find what is right for you.

Keep your chin up. Glad you got rid of the rest of the pills, I had to do that with all of my little "stashes" of cocaine. It's sad, but I even had to put the mirrors I used to use in the trash because I didn't want to deal with the urge to lick them. Pretty sad huh?

scaredykat

Like I said on the other threads, just try again. And don't beat yourself up over it. I know its easier said then done. I've been there myself. And everyone is so supportive on this forum. Now I can't wait to come on and see what every one's up to.

Barb

Missymae737

Hi,

Forgive yourself and as suggested get rid of the poison...

I couldn't have any mind altering substances close to me...It is to tempting...That is the insanity of addiction.


Just tie a knot and hang in here with us...Recovery is possible...

gypsytears

Jen, you're trying and that's the important thing. You've got detox and meetings lined up... no need to beat yourself up over feeling weak right now. Concentrate on getting stong.

Can you get your brother to help you go through your things and throw everything away you may have forgotten about? It'll be easier with help with that I think.

fingers99

You are already making your way back by throwing the pills away. I have been an addict for a long time. First it started with the prescription pain pills, then advanced to heroin. And on top of that I am also a recovering cocaine addict. I know how you feel. Every time that I have relapsed I beat myself up and feel so so guilty about it. Unfortunetly I just relapsed with the cocaine. I've been clean from heroin for about 6 years, and I had been clean from the cocaine for about 3 years up until about 6 months ago. I've used just off and on. But that's all it takes. Then I used 2 days ago and I'm starting my sobriety day count again. That was one reason why I wanted to find a chat room to be able to talk to someone whenever I got a strong urge to use. And from what I have read, it sounds like there are alot of caring people who are willing to help a stranger with their sobriety. I only have a couple of good friends that even know about my past, but I don't really feel comfortable talking to them because they have never used any drugs before. So they have really no idea what I go through at times. But I'm glad you're on your way to being clean again. I'm on my way hopefully. I really don't want to use again. I just tell myself that I won't use today and that does help. Tomarrow is too far ahead to think about.

Missymae737

Welcome Fingers99,


You can do this...Just don't use today...Keep posting...

We are happy you found us...