I've married into The Funny Farm.....
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: dysfunction junction,nc
Posts: 381
I've married into The Funny Farm.....
Today is my day to VENT!
My inlaws make excuses for my husband all of the time. Everytime I talk to his mother she goes on and on about how she feels sorry for him and he has a problem. He just tears her nerves all to pieces. Well GOLLY GEE WOMAN! I just hate people who are so bored with their lives that they have to sit around and throw these 'ol PITY Parties! I am the one who has to raise their grandchildren and put up with his stupid (you know what) and above all I have to listen to their stupid comments about how they feel sorry for him. Wonder if she thinks my nerves are made of steel? That poor woman! Her nerves? Oh she would definately not make it a day in my life.
Well, the other night my father in law bought my husband a sixpack saying that he thought he needed it after all of the stress we've been through lately. GOOD GRIEF! Where Is the SANITY???????????? I am left to deal with his drunk A$$ after they leave. I have just figured out that I have married the Prince of the Funny Farm with Queen Mom and King Dad right beside him every step of the way! Today I refuse to answer the phone!
Venting,
2many2count
My inlaws make excuses for my husband all of the time. Everytime I talk to his mother she goes on and on about how she feels sorry for him and he has a problem. He just tears her nerves all to pieces. Well GOLLY GEE WOMAN! I just hate people who are so bored with their lives that they have to sit around and throw these 'ol PITY Parties! I am the one who has to raise their grandchildren and put up with his stupid (you know what) and above all I have to listen to their stupid comments about how they feel sorry for him. Wonder if she thinks my nerves are made of steel? That poor woman! Her nerves? Oh she would definately not make it a day in my life.
Well, the other night my father in law bought my husband a sixpack saying that he thought he needed it after all of the stress we've been through lately. GOOD GRIEF! Where Is the SANITY???????????? I am left to deal with his drunk A$$ after they leave. I have just figured out that I have married the Prince of the Funny Farm with Queen Mom and King Dad right beside him every step of the way! Today I refuse to answer the phone!
Venting,
2many2count
Member
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Mich
Posts: 212
2many,
You couldn't have married him..I did!! Oh boy, can I relate!! My mother in law goes on and on and on about how tired she is of my dh when he is drinking and that he needs to grow up and get his you know what together..then what does she do??? When he is drunk, he ALWAYS leaves our house and heads to hers which is 1/2 hour away and she not only lets him stay the night there but she lets him sit and drink there all night long too!!! She has 4 sons..the oldest has NOTHING to do with her..he's only polite when he HAS to see her at funerals, weddings or my son's b-day parties... my dh, really doesn't see her much or talk to her..but it comes in spurts...sometimes he sees her only when drinking and other times, he sees her a lot...for some reason, he desparately needs her love and attention....negative or not...long story, goes back to his childhood and her lack of mothering to him then! The next 2 have a different dad that walked out when they were very young! The 26 year old is fresh out of the service...married..works and drinks! His wife is supposedly worried about his drinking, but drinks right along with him,.....not all the time, but still...I just don't drink at all around my husband because I guess I feel its wrong..if I think he has a problem to say that and then sit there and drink with him!! The youngest is 21 and is going to court ordered AA meetings and drinks at least 6 a night!(all of this according to my mother in law) My husband hasn't had a drink since last Saturday and I am not so sure what will happen this weekend...I think he won't be drinking due to his behavior and attitude...at least that's the vibe I've been getting..
Okay, off track here....she has been known to call me and tell me that if "you'd back off him and not give him so much pressure and stress..he'd drink less" WHAT???? She has also told me that it's MY fault...which I know it isn't and my husband's first comment to me when he finally admitted he had a problem was This is NOT your fault Do NOT blame yourself! But, this coming from a woman that use to buy for him when he was 14 and drink with him and his friends!!! She'll go on and on about how her nerves are fried and how she can't handle it anymore, yet she allows all of them to drink at her house, stay the night at her house (she justifys it by saying she doesn't want them out drinking and driving.) Well, to me, that's enabling him to keep right on doing what he's beend doing! And when he IS trying to work a program and be sober, she gets on his case about how he never spends time with her, never puts her first (hello, his sanity should be first, his family that He has now should be a priority also..his son, his marriage, his job...), and how he never lets our son see her...she's crazy!! I don't even talk to her about my feelings or my nerves...because you know??? she doesn't care and never will if it's not about her!
My father in law, well he's a different story all together. Right now, we haven't seen him once since Christmas..oh wait, my husband and son saw him at our nephew's hockey game 2 weeks ago for an hour! Yes, in 5 months..almost 6 we've seen him 1 time..he lives less then 45 mins. away..but he's so wrapped up in his new girlfriend/drinking/gambling buddy he doesn't have time for his kids! And, he tries hard to NOT drink around my husband, but if my husband is drinking, he'll drink right along with him! The difference between his dad and him?? My father in law doesn't EVER miss a day of work..but he is a drinker and that will never change..he's 56 years old and doesn't see that he has a problem yet, he's been divorced 2 times because of it!!
So 2many, I think we both married into the funny farm!!!! My family, while not perfect, is stable! My parents have been married for 38 years, my sisters and I are all graduates of college, never been arrested, never done drugs, don't have drinking problems, all have decent jobs...my parents have no drinking or drug problems...this family situation is weird to me and it's taken a long time to realize how badly screwed up my husband has become because of his family....he admits that he never knew what a family was like until we met..how sad is that?? He also knows his family isn't supportive of his soberity...yet he can't let go...that is something I've left him to deal with.
Don't answer the phone today...I do that sometimes too..I have caller id so if I know it is my mother in law, sometimes, I just let the machine pick it up!!
Have a good day and I bet there are a ton of others out there that feel just like you and I about our in laws!!! I think they complain and complain but that they don't want to say anything for fear of making the a mad, but yet, it's okay to take it out on the spouses or let the spouses say something! UGH!
Hang in there!!!
You couldn't have married him..I did!! Oh boy, can I relate!! My mother in law goes on and on and on about how tired she is of my dh when he is drinking and that he needs to grow up and get his you know what together..then what does she do??? When he is drunk, he ALWAYS leaves our house and heads to hers which is 1/2 hour away and she not only lets him stay the night there but she lets him sit and drink there all night long too!!! She has 4 sons..the oldest has NOTHING to do with her..he's only polite when he HAS to see her at funerals, weddings or my son's b-day parties... my dh, really doesn't see her much or talk to her..but it comes in spurts...sometimes he sees her only when drinking and other times, he sees her a lot...for some reason, he desparately needs her love and attention....negative or not...long story, goes back to his childhood and her lack of mothering to him then! The next 2 have a different dad that walked out when they were very young! The 26 year old is fresh out of the service...married..works and drinks! His wife is supposedly worried about his drinking, but drinks right along with him,.....not all the time, but still...I just don't drink at all around my husband because I guess I feel its wrong..if I think he has a problem to say that and then sit there and drink with him!! The youngest is 21 and is going to court ordered AA meetings and drinks at least 6 a night!(all of this according to my mother in law) My husband hasn't had a drink since last Saturday and I am not so sure what will happen this weekend...I think he won't be drinking due to his behavior and attitude...at least that's the vibe I've been getting..
Okay, off track here....she has been known to call me and tell me that if "you'd back off him and not give him so much pressure and stress..he'd drink less" WHAT???? She has also told me that it's MY fault...which I know it isn't and my husband's first comment to me when he finally admitted he had a problem was This is NOT your fault Do NOT blame yourself! But, this coming from a woman that use to buy for him when he was 14 and drink with him and his friends!!! She'll go on and on about how her nerves are fried and how she can't handle it anymore, yet she allows all of them to drink at her house, stay the night at her house (she justifys it by saying she doesn't want them out drinking and driving.) Well, to me, that's enabling him to keep right on doing what he's beend doing! And when he IS trying to work a program and be sober, she gets on his case about how he never spends time with her, never puts her first (hello, his sanity should be first, his family that He has now should be a priority also..his son, his marriage, his job...), and how he never lets our son see her...she's crazy!! I don't even talk to her about my feelings or my nerves...because you know??? she doesn't care and never will if it's not about her!
My father in law, well he's a different story all together. Right now, we haven't seen him once since Christmas..oh wait, my husband and son saw him at our nephew's hockey game 2 weeks ago for an hour! Yes, in 5 months..almost 6 we've seen him 1 time..he lives less then 45 mins. away..but he's so wrapped up in his new girlfriend/drinking/gambling buddy he doesn't have time for his kids! And, he tries hard to NOT drink around my husband, but if my husband is drinking, he'll drink right along with him! The difference between his dad and him?? My father in law doesn't EVER miss a day of work..but he is a drinker and that will never change..he's 56 years old and doesn't see that he has a problem yet, he's been divorced 2 times because of it!!
So 2many, I think we both married into the funny farm!!!! My family, while not perfect, is stable! My parents have been married for 38 years, my sisters and I are all graduates of college, never been arrested, never done drugs, don't have drinking problems, all have decent jobs...my parents have no drinking or drug problems...this family situation is weird to me and it's taken a long time to realize how badly screwed up my husband has become because of his family....he admits that he never knew what a family was like until we met..how sad is that?? He also knows his family isn't supportive of his soberity...yet he can't let go...that is something I've left him to deal with.
Don't answer the phone today...I do that sometimes too..I have caller id so if I know it is my mother in law, sometimes, I just let the machine pick it up!!
Have a good day and I bet there are a ton of others out there that feel just like you and I about our in laws!!! I think they complain and complain but that they don't want to say anything for fear of making the a mad, but yet, it's okay to take it out on the spouses or let the spouses say something! UGH!
Hang in there!!!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: dysfunction junction,nc
Posts: 381
Oh...forgot to mention that it is my fault. I'm always asked..."What did you do to make him angry? WOW...she drives me crazy sometimes. Maybe she forgot that he is an ALCOHOLIC! She never gets it when I try to tell her that as long as she makes him feel like a baby he's gonna keep acting like one. The best excuse so far is " He has so much on him....." P---PLEASE! Its the the one's who have to deal with these (you know whats) that have the stress. They do as they please and we are left to pick up the pieces. Hmmmmm. Sometimes I wish she would leave her opinions to herself and crawl in a hole somewhere. Or better yet he can go live with her and they can have lots of PITY PARTIES together......Hope I'm not invited.
2many2count
2many2count
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Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: georgia
Posts: 531
NO WAY.....I think mine escaped from the nut house!!!! You can't even call there after 4 because THEY are drinking. Alcohol cures all in that house.......bad day, drink, sick, drink, celebrate, drink any reason is good. If you don't drink your boring!!! My mother in law has even given my KIDS wine for various reasons. Talk about hit the roof. Then they sit around and talk about how miserable everything is and how the world is horrible it goes on and on and on......kind of like the energizer bunny!!!! LOL
Did I mention that they think even though your an alcoholic that beer is OK......THEY ARE LOONEY TUNES!!!!!! ON all levels!!!! Boy was I nieve.....I never knew that families acted like they do....my father in law actually worked for the ATF...LOL. They have FIVE kids.....all with ISSUES.
Anyway.... I know the feeling and you ARE NOT ALONE!!! I have really learned to tune them out, smile a lot and say uh-hu a lot!!
Best of luck with them.....Constant
Did I mention that they think even though your an alcoholic that beer is OK......THEY ARE LOONEY TUNES!!!!!! ON all levels!!!! Boy was I nieve.....I never knew that families acted like they do....my father in law actually worked for the ATF...LOL. They have FIVE kids.....all with ISSUES.
Anyway.... I know the feeling and you ARE NOT ALONE!!! I have really learned to tune them out, smile a lot and say uh-hu a lot!!
Best of luck with them.....Constant
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Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: California
Posts: 329
Hi 2many2count,
IGNORANCE and DENIAL!!!!!!
Family members that don't live with the problem don't get it. My husbands niece said at a family get together one time "MY uncle is doing good isn't he? He didn't drink very much today."
That was because he was busy playing basketball with the kids and visiting. When I told her that he was getting drunk everyday lately she was shocked. He is a alcoholic, and even if he doesn't get drunk he is still drinking. She is a nurse too. She is not stupid, just ignorant.
Lots of hugs and prayers,
matters
IGNORANCE and DENIAL!!!!!!
Family members that don't live with the problem don't get it. My husbands niece said at a family get together one time "MY uncle is doing good isn't he? He didn't drink very much today."
That was because he was busy playing basketball with the kids and visiting. When I told her that he was getting drunk everyday lately she was shocked. He is a alcoholic, and even if he doesn't get drunk he is still drinking. She is a nurse too. She is not stupid, just ignorant.
Lots of hugs and prayers,
matters
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: dysfunction junction,nc
Posts: 381
Well, to topoff the day my husband and father in law came to my house about 5:30 and guess what? My husband brought in beer and Dad suggested that he get it. I am sick of his family and want to move home where my family is...where I can be near SOME SANITY!
P++++D Off In NC
2many2count
P++++D Off In NC
2many2count
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Join Date: May 2003
Location: MO
Posts: 32
Pissed off!!!
Are all families of alcoholics just a**holes??? I am fuming right now. I have the sister-in-law from hell!!!! She wants my husband to be happy IF its in her world and to her liking. This flaming B**ch has had the nerve to act like she cared and maybe even loved me and my son, and as soon as things got bad between her precious brother and I she shows her horns and tail. Lately her thing is to screw up days that are important to my husband and I. She destroyed his birthday by humiliating me in front of the whole family. And today was our anniversary and she had to top off the night with her big mouth. Geez, how odd that my husband would have wanted to spend time with me. Hell, he forgot to check with her and it didn't fit her plan of him being happy!!! The stupid woman doesn't think about anyone but herself. She is the most self rightous, cruel, evil b**ch!!! I am so sick of her. I would rather have him back home than have him there with the wicked witch of the west. She crossed the line when she went after my son. And all because I have been angry and cruel to her drunk brother. Mind you, it's alright if he hits me, destroys things, and emotionally tears me apart. This stupid woman doesn't have to be married to an alcohloic to be the monster! He has been there for a little over 2 weeks, and she enabled him in everyway possible. So, six days ago my husband stays sober and has done so for the last six days. Well, he and I have had more contact and the silly bi**ch doesn't like it. Would she rather he just stay a drunk and kill hmself? I wouldn't be surprised if she bought him beer just to keep him away from me. She is that low of a human being!
OK, I'm done venting for now, except I want my damn manual
OK, I'm done venting for now, except I want my damn manual
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: dysfunction junction,nc
Posts: 381
Families that enable their alcoholic children or siblings can make life miserable for us but we have to learn to ignore. If we don't they have power over us and I'm too dang stubborn to give them that.
My thoughts and prayers are with you.
2many2count
My thoughts and prayers are with you.
2many2count
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Join Date: May 2003
Location: walking down a happier trail
Posts: 50
Oh I am all over that in law thing! My MIL is has been here for the last week and is planning on staying another week... So far we are up to ummm 10 cases of beer if I am not mistaken...
Got a strange question to ask.... Does any one else subconsciously count drinks/beers? I can just know how much someone drinks without really watching... Just curious
Got a strange question to ask.... Does any one else subconsciously count drinks/beers? I can just know how much someone drinks without really watching... Just curious
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: dysfunction junction,nc
Posts: 381
Oh yes girl...my husband thinks I'm psychic. Iknow exactly how much without watching him drink. He hates it because there's no mystery to it and he's not pulling the wool over my eyes like he thinks.
2many2count
2many2count
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Join Date: May 2003
Location: Mich
Posts: 212
I hear you! I can also tell by one look at my husband if he's had beer only, Jack Daniels only or a combination of both...he doesn't understand why either. I can be on the phone with him and know how much he's had to drink....once he gets to that point..
I have a question for all of you...my husband is a binge drinker...he can go 2 months without touching a drop and than BAM..he drinks like he won't live without it for a day or two or three or four or five But the number of days he drinks are usually one or two...anyhow, I always know about 1 to 2 weeks before he drinks that he is going to drink...can anyone else with a binger tell when they are going to binge before they actually do? My husband has been trying for 4 years to battle this and has actually been 6 days short of 1 year sober before he hit the bottle again! So he goes months and months without drinking and then I can see it building up..I might not be able to pinpoint the exact day, but I can see and feel it coming....anyone else out there have the same thing happen?
I have a question for all of you...my husband is a binge drinker...he can go 2 months without touching a drop and than BAM..he drinks like he won't live without it for a day or two or three or four or five
But the number of days he drinks are usually one or two...anyhow, I always know about 1 to 2 weeks before he drinks that he is going to drink...can anyone else with a binger tell when they are going to binge before they actually do? My husband has been trying for 4 years to battle this and has actually been 6 days short of 1 year sober before he hit the bottle again! So he goes months and months without drinking and then I can see it building up..I might not be able to pinpoint the exact day, but I can see and feel it coming....anyone else out there have the same thing happen?
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Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: dysfunction junction,nc
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My husband starts to get a little agitated then it grows to major agitation and then hits the booze. I've got this man down to a science now. He hates it too.
2many2count
2many2count
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