Mindy

woke up this am and everything was ok, i had talked to my daughter last night (i called her) and she said she was fine and sounded upbeat. told me things were going to be ok. i felt good.
then i checked my online bank acct and got real sick. someone has been using a debit card of mine for the same amount of days since i kicked her out. 320.00 in 3 days. i just talked to her and she first denied it and got real dramatic, said she needed to stay here just for one night without any thought to the money she just stole from me. i am kicked in the gut really bad. just hung up on her telling me she was walking down the road now with no place to go.....i can't stop crying....i feel like she is dying before my eyes and i can't do anything to help her.......
have to stop can't type

Lobo

(((((((Mindy))))))))) Hang in there, hon! Do I have to get the cucumber slices out of the fridge? She will be okay........they are very resourceful people. I'm sure she will find a friend to stay with. If she can find a way to get drugs........she will find a place to stay. She has to know that she cannot steal from you. I never had that problem......but I am always on guard. I take my purse to bed with me every night. Isn't it awful that we have to live that way? I know the kicked in the gut feeling. I have it right now. I'm sending extra mom hugs to you and prayers that your AD will stay safe and find the help she needs.
Lois

cece1960

((((Mindy))))
Your post brings back very ugly times for me.
I've had the kick in the gut quite a few times, realizing that "better" meant better for my son, who had just cleaned me out. Of course he was upbeat too, he had what he needed.
Things got bad for my kid before they got better. He finally accepted help when he ran out of other options.
Miracles happen every single day. The addict part of this site is proof of that.
Know that her HP has her, and that there's not a lot you can do but to trust that.
My heart hurts for you hon
((((Hugs)))
Cece

Wascally Wabbit

Oh Mindy, I know how scared you are for her, and how hurt too.
If it's any consolation, I was on the streets at 17. I made it through those terrible years. It was a huge learning experience. Mostly that I hated living that way.
She'll come to her senses one day.
Is there any women's shelters she could go to? Most cities have "soup kitchens" where people can eat for free.
Can you have her committed? In my state you can, and they hold them for at least 24 hours. This would give her a little time to dry out.
I feel for you and I will be praying for you dear, and for her, this evening.

marle

Mindy, I have felt that my daughter was at death's door for the last two years and she and her abf are still going strong. He is 37 and has been an addict since he was 13. Has smoked upwards of $1000 a day of crack along with heroin, xanax, alcohol and he smokes like a fish. He is still kicking. He buys my daughter any amount of drugs that she wants. She has told me about sucking fentanyl patches and doing so many drugs that she lost count. She is still kicking. Addicts are resourceful people. Last December my daughter and her abf lost their house, moved into a seedy hotel, lost that one, moved into another seedy hotel, lost that one and then moved into a one bedroom apt. with his mother and 4 other people. He went from making $100,000 to nothing, yet they still get their drugs. Each time there was a change in my daughter's life (downward) I had to hold tight to my recovery. I now know that when my daughter tells me she is doing okay, it means that they have money to buy drugs. Hang in there. Let your daughter see what she can do for herself. Do what you need to do to protect yourself. You are important. Hugs, Marle

ladyamalthea

Silly question, but have you cancelled the cards for that account? If you reported them stolen, she might get arrested, which just might, believe it or not, be what she needs... at least then she wouldn't be on the streets. She would have plenty of time to sit and think. If you tell the DA that it is drug related, they can even push for her sentence having to do with getting help, and sometimes if it's a first offense they'll even be willing to exponge the record if the rehab is completed successfully.

Even if you don't report them stolen, just lost, and ask them to send you a new card, then at least you can make sure she doesn't steal anymore.

The only reason I ask about this is because when my sister did that to my mom, mom didn't report it because she kept telling herself sister might need the card to get food... she knew what was going on, she just couldn't live with it.

Trust me, if you allow her to depleat your resources, whether it be money, strength, emotions, or anything else... you will only drown with her. In fact, the most helpful thing you can probably do is not help her at all.. just because the less you help her, the less you enable her, and the more likely she is to realize she needs help.

Just my two cents... but I hope she wakes up soon. I know how much it hurts.

*hugs and prayers*

krhea75

Mindy,

Sorry for the deception and pain....I've been there with my AS and he's now back in rehab. I did notice with my son that he was always sweetest right before he was doing something wrong. Sometimes I think they believe their own lies because it hurts too much to see how they have screwed up. Are you doing okay? Take care of you and cancel the card. From one mom to another.
krhea

Spiritual Seeker

((((MINDY)))) ouch Sorry for your pain...I know that there is no pain that could be greater. Remember to do all the things you know how to do to distract youself from it. We hear stories of recovery here, keep the faith that your daughter will find her way soon. Keep posting to let us know how you are doing.

hope213

i am sorry she has hurt you again.hang in there.i agree the addict can always find a place to stay.praying for peace for you & a miracle for your daughter.hugs,

bookmiser

Mindy,

I remember that kick too.
The day I was on vacation and my son called me.
He sounded upbeat as well.
I asked him point blank...did you break into my house.
Without a pause he said yes.
I asked, what did you take? He said, anything I can sell.
I told him that I was on my way home and that he knew I was going to call the police on him.
He said, I know and I'm sorry. I had to.
Whatever Jay!
I came home and saw that he had taken most of our dvd collection, (alot)checks, video game player, and jewelry.
I pressed charges and he was picked up.
He spent 6 months in the county jail.
Yeah, I admit. I did go visit. I did put money on his books.
After 6 months, I did drop the charges.
He hasn't used heroin since, but does continue to drink occasionally.
That's his deal. He no longer lives with me and has no way of getting into my place again. It's been a long road.
Your best bet is to call the police and show her that you are done.
She should be punished for what she's done to you.
If she suffers the consequences, maybe, just maybe, she may see the light.
All said with love and understanding.
Mom hugs from me to you today.
Praying for our kids,
Linda

caileesnana

My daughter broke in once and stole computer, dvd, etc. I also called the police who came in 2 hours. I filed charges, sent in the appropriate paper work w/ serial numbers, invoices etc. She continued to steal and pawn and nothing happened. I finally spoke w/ a Sargent in the Pawn Division who had a brother who was an addict. She understood and did some investiagating. In a nutshell--the detective who entered the info into the computer typed the serial number wrong by one didgit! The statute of limitations in TX is 2 years on pawned items so nothing could be done! I also learned she had also stolen the origianl set of wedding rings, I didn't miss them but was going to let my son and her have one just to pass down.


The cop called and apologized. She is STILL a drug addict and I'm sure will begin stealing again! The WILL get their drugs, before they eat, shower, or breathe!

I understand your pain, you are in my prayers.
susan

liesagain

mindy I am sorry you are going thru this. Take care of you and if you havent read it yet I would like to suggest you read Co dependant no more.........and stick around here SR for the support from many who have been where you are.
(((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))

havehope

(((Mindy)))
Sending prayers your way. I hope you are feeling better today. I couldn't believe that my daughter would steal from us, but now I know that is what addicts do. I know it hurts and they say it is not a personal thing. Sometimes it is hard to separate the addict from the daughter I knew before. But they are two different people. Stay strong and know that you are in our prayers.
Terri

notsleepingwell

(((Mindy)))
This is such a painful journey isn't it?! We love them to the depths of their being, and they are such selfish creatures in addiction. Call the police, please, this may be the call she needs. I was sooo hesitant to involve the police when I first discovered my daughters addiction....after all, I didn't want anything on her record that could affect her future. HA!! She lost everything anyway, as it's a spiral down!!!

Perhaps this could be your opportunity to help her, the only help we can give!!!

Whatever you decide, we're beside you!!!

NSW

devastated

I'm so sorry you are having to experience what addicts do, but that's what they do. They don't have any compassion, feelings, conscience, for anyone. Their only thought is how to get the next fix. It's so sad, but so true. They will go to any lenghths to get what they want.

Unfortunately, there isn't a thing you can do to stop your daughter. You can't help her, guide her or comfort her. You certainly can't baby her. She is going to do what she wants, when she wants, how she wants.

THere is only one person you can control and that is you! Concentrate on you and pray she finds her way. Miracles can happen you know. I've tried for 30 years and have finally turned it over to God because I have finally realized that there isn't anything I can do to stop my son from his destiny!

Hugs, Devastated

newblue82

Mindy, I'm sorry you have to experience this. We've all felt hopeless and helpless when it comes to the addict(s) in our lives. Some days we're up and some days we're down. I'm on the upside of things right now. My exagf is now part of an outpatient program and doing well, but I tell myself that should she relapse and drugs ultimately be the thing that takes her life that I should find comfort in knowing she's no longer in pain.

Part of her therapy is expressing her feelings and the more she talks about how she struggled within herself and with outside forces to stay clean but was defeated the more I realize how miserable an existence it was for her. She felt alone, misunderstood, judged, depressed, angry and always trying to find a rope to grab hold to and I know I'll never fully understand what she went through but I do know that only God has the power to take away the pain, to make things right. As cliche as that may sound and not that I'm saying that you should give up hope because you shouldn't, try to find comfort in knowing that Heaven is our retreat from this hell on Earth.