sue44sj

hi everyone,

i need a little of you input. my A has a good job with a union company. he hasnt gone to work for 3 weeks. hes been drinking. i know that he can go on long term disability somehow and if he doesnt he will lose the job. the problem is, we have great insurance and i really dont want to lose it. should i call his job and ask what to do? he is too screwed up to do it himself.

any advice would be appreciated thanks

queenteree

What excuse is he giving them for not showing up for 3 weeks? Most people wouldn't have a job after that, union or not. I wouldn't call the job, I'd let him take care of his own business.

Barbara52

Let him bear the consequences of his actions. I know this will also impact you but to call his employer may have unintended results.

Is he on sick leave now? Most places that have long term disability do something alongthe lines of you are on sick leave for a week or perhaps 2 then are switched to long term disability if covered. I'm also not so sure that being on a binge would be considered an eligible event.

hadenoughnow

There is probably something going on that he has not told you about. He could have been fired or laid off. Even with a union if he simply does not show up for 3 weeks he could be terminated for job abandonment.

If his employer or the union has a employee assistance plan you could call them to see what the options are. He could keep his job depending on their substance abuse treatment program. I would call his employer just to find out what your insurance status is.

jillybean

Hi Sue,

I am not an expert but what I experienced with the Abf was when he showed up drunk at work, nearly falling done, his boss sent him home with orders to get help or he was out of a job.

Unless your A advocates for himself, the current privacy laws may prohibit you from doing much. He has to admit the problem and seek treatment to have a chance at keeping his job. In many states, an employer is under no obligation to keep an employee who refuses to see treatment. If he comes clean with his company, he is somewhat protected under disability laws as long as he can show proof of treament.

I would look into what laws exisit in your state as well as his company but I would also find a way to advocate a plan for yourself should he not step up and do what needs to be done.

Abf finally went into detox when I refused to cave and stay with him a day longer. It meant nothing because he is not working a program and is an abusive dry drunk. All his employer cares about is that he is dry.

I got the worst of the worst and he kept his job but I doubt he will stay dry without me there to use as a coping mechanism for his anger and frustrations in his life. If anyone were to ask him why he stopped drinking, he tells them he couldn't go on like that anymore. He tells me he quit for me but the truth is that he couldn't loose face with his boss, or his job, so he played the game. None of the mindset changed,

I just kept leaving him then kicking him out when he would relapse. I finally had enough when I realized that he was purposely picking fights to stay away for days so he could do as he pleased. He is an ugly person on many accounts and right now my empathy is non existent. I've been through too much.

His S**T not mine. I have healing to do.

Have you looked into alternative insurance for you and your family?

I hope things work out for you,
Jilly

denny57

Did he tell you why he hasn't gone to work for 3 weeks? I think the only reason to call would be to make sure you're still covered; I would not discuss his situation with his employer.

Pick-a-name

Yes; this thought came to mind. I did not know it at the time (heck; I am just learning some of the "details" about it now,nearly 20 yrs later) but when my ex was employed as C.O.O. of a company, he was given a "one month leave of absence" and when he returned, he quit rather than be fired. Maybe his office "gave him time and told him to use it to get himself together"...who knows. Hard as it will be for you,I'd try to stay out of it. This may jsut be the bottom he needs and not having you involved in it would be a "plus" on many levels...esp. your own peace of mind.

Try to Let go and let God.

parentrecovers

hmmm... i'd want to know if i still had coverage. so i think i'd call hr. that's just my 2 cents.

k

sue44sj

i think if he calls in once and doesnt go back (because of sickness its counted as 1 point on his record. i know of one guy there who was off for over a year for depression. im not going to call, i just talked to him, and told him to call and see what they can do. hes crying and doesnt want to live now. i told him i cant do anything for him and to get help. he says he has people who are trying to help him.
i feel so sad.

Barbara52

Sue, it is indeed incredibily sad to watch this happening. I know just how that feels. But you need to start thinking about yourself and what you need.