Faithey

Hi
I’m new to your forum, and my reason for being here is because I have a friend who recently confided in me that she has been experimenting with cocaine. I know very little about this drug (although I’ve been reading everything on the web I can)…….
She confided in me, because she says she wants to stay away from it……knows how bad it is for her, and that by confiding she felt it would help her feel accountable.

I’m not sure what I, as her friend can do.
I know addictions (if that is what this is) have to be faced by the person themselves.
But is there anything I can do to help her?
She doesn’t want to seek professional help, doesn’t want to tell her family, has not yet become financially ruined by this, but is afraid that the cost will eventually drain her.

She says she “knows this isn’t good for her”…….and says that she has only been experimenting with it occasionally over the course of the last year. There’s a particular group of friends that use, and she feels as long as she stays away from them……she won’t be tempted.

I guess I’m posting here, as a means of getting educated myself……also any help or information that can be shared would be appreciated.
I’m concerned for her……..we’ve been friends for a lot of years, and I feel like I some how missed the signs that she was even using.
What should I look for?
Can I actually help her?

Thanks
Faithey

Noah812

Welcoime faithey...your friend i going to do what she wants to, nothing more nothing less. From what I read she has been experimenting for a year with coke, I experemented with coke 1 time and felt the pull of the drug to do more when I crashed the next day. I never did coke again. After a year I would think we can stop calling it an experiment and look at it for what it most likely is use of coke or addiction. If she does not want to do coke, is afraid it will ruin her financially all she has to do is never do coke again. Addicts know this too but the temptation is too great and they used at any and all costs. Your friend knows that she has a problem I would think and is afraid that she cant say no otherwise she would just SAY NO! Just say no works go until you cant say no. I don't know that there is anything you can do for her other than be a friend, provider her with names and numbers of people who can help her. If she had no problem then why did she say something about this in the first place? You friend is going to need support and love but other than that hands off the or they can take you down too. If she is young, get word to an older sibling or familiy member. There was a SMU college student 19 yo woman they found dead in a porta-pottie. Her body dumped by her drug dealer after she died or he killed her. This girl started with coke and the autopsy showed that her death was drug related. Welcome and good luck.

Frog_2hop

I believe you are doing exactly the right thing right now....educating yourself. It is a tough spot to be in because she is asking for help, but at the same time telling you it is not a problem and she doesn't want to seek help. Minimizing is a very typical thing for addicts to do. It is important to remember that YOU cannot do this for her. Providing information to her is good, but it is up to her to follow through. Please be sure to learn all you can about codependency too. It is an extremely easy trap to fall into, it hurts you AND her. You don't want to enable her use in anyway. Read the stickies above. There is a great one called 10 things you can do to help a family memeber.....also, the one on common hooks would be good to read too. Heck, bring her to this site to join in the appropriate forums.

Noah Amin

Hi faithey, I'm new to this forum and website. Upon reading your thread I was identifying so much that I had to respond. This is the same experience I had almost 13 years ago. I "experimented with cocaine" and began a roller coaster ride through Hell. I confided in a girlfriend of mine in 1994 the same way your friend has shared with you. My girlfriend didn't respond the way I would have liked (she called me an idiot) so I confided with my other girlfriend. My other girlfriend hugged and held me tight and comforted me. I told her not to tell my mom but she did anyway. They helped find me a treatment center and I began my first treatment. I wasn't ready for numerous reasons, so I continued to use and go in and out of treatment for the next 10 years. I am grateful because that was the beginning of my process. In Feb. 2003 I went to detox for the last time and I now have over 4 years clean. I remember looking back at my first time in treatment and how I got there...by sharing with a friend I was asking for HELP.

Faithey

Thanks for the quick responses….

I realized right away that this wasn’t something I could really help her with, outside of listening and staying as detached as possible, as well as getting her to own her own journey. Yet the compassionate side of me also wants to do all I can as a supportive friend….
My friend is 40yrs old…….just a bit younger than myself. The Codependency articles posted here are very good. It took me a long time to remove myself from a codependency in a very long term relationship that didn’t involve drugs or alcohol…..so I’ve been down that road of thinking I could rescue the world, and have full knowledge now in knowing that it isn’t my job to rescue……support (maybe) yes. But rescue no.

I’ve been reading stories here……..trying to speed up my education on this topic of cocaine addiction.
If she is addicted, the battle ahead of her is going to be long. I don’t use that “If” as a way of denial, because I realize the possibility is huge that she is indeed addicted.
I of course can only go on what she tells me, what I see first hand, and what little I do understand.
Here’s some questions I’ve been trying to find answers to for my own understanding….
1)how often do cocaine addicts use? Would some one doing this only once a month, still be considered an addict?
2) I have read that there is usually weight loss? Is this always the case?
3) If someone is unwilling to bring this to the public eye so to speak by seeking professional help…….can they overcome this on their own? Is determination enough?
4)What is the single best thing a friend/loved one can do once they know the problem exists?

Thanks again

Noah812

1) My uncle was a addict (he will tell you he was not) He did coke and then crank only once a month then weekends then during the week if possible...it progressive and only gets worse. I know my uncle was and still is an addict even if he does not use at all like now he used to, he is still an addict.
2) Meth users tend to lose a lot of wieght but coke is not as bad. People I know who did coke were not skinny or have a lot of weight loss. On meth a person can lose 20 pds in 3 days...i have seen it but coke...nah I think the cost has to do alot with people not being able to afford to use for days and weeks straight...meth lasts up to 3 days on one hit and is dirt cheap...a terribly nasty and addictive drug
3) Determination is enought i think for some to never do drugs again but only in highly motivated people. I think the average person would need treatment to achieve long term sobriety
4) I dont know that there is a best thing...protect yourself? Its truely like sleeping with the enemy when living with an addict!

parentrecovers

nice to meet you, faithey. my daughter is recovering from cocaine and alcohol addiction. so i understand. alanon helps me.

i'd say the best you can do is let your friend know you care about them and offer to be there when he/she is ready to find recovery.

blessings, k