limbo...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 21
limbo...
Hi - it's 2:00am, another night without sleep. My relationship with alcohol began slowly and with no noticeable drama - no DUI's, no fights. My husband has a good job and goes to work (a job he is exceptionally good at) everyday. We both drink everyday. Correction, we both drink A LOT everyday. I've quit here and there, but the last time, I got so sick I was terrified. Not terrified enough not to start again, but it threw me. Now its an excuse - can't quit this week, I need at least a week to get over the shakes and insomnia. My husband does not want to quit; sees no reason to, and is irritated (although he does not come right out and say it) when I do/want to. He is also always saying 'come ON, one beer won't hurt!'... Oops, one reason he will admit is the HUGE amount of money we spend on booze. He makes good money, but we are paycheck-to-paycheck at best.
SO, my question has 2 parts. First, my husband, in all other respects, is the nicest guy in the world. Anyone out there have a partner who drinks? I CAN"T leave him over this. He is faithful, kind, responsible and attentive in every other aspect, but I feel like I'm dying. I've already talked to him and told him how I feel, physically and mentally and he tells me to make a doctors appointment - that 'it must be something else'.
Second, but most important - when I am not drinking, my anxiety goes through the ROOF. I cannot deal with ANYTHING, and I get so depressed I can't bear it. I am (very) depressed now, but nights without alcohol - who am I kidding, I get itchy by noon - feel like torture. Anyone go through this???
I have no one to talk to about this. My family is very right wing christian and it would NOT elicit sympathy in any way, shape or form; and I no longer have any friends (I don't work or go out much anymore). NO offense intended, I know there are non-judgmental christians out there but my family does not fall anywhere within that category. Even if I quit, I can't figure out how I can be sick for a week without anyone knowing. No sick days for housewives ; ) Also, I don't know if the anxiety/depression is causing the drinking or the opposite - either way, I'm very physically addicted. When I stopped last time I was scared to death.
Anyway, any advice from anyone who's been through this would be appreciated. My hope at this point is very nearly gone. I am alone, and can't imagine going to a meeting without getting 'caught,' not to mention not knowing what a meeting even consists of.
Thanks for listening.
SO, my question has 2 parts. First, my husband, in all other respects, is the nicest guy in the world. Anyone out there have a partner who drinks? I CAN"T leave him over this. He is faithful, kind, responsible and attentive in every other aspect, but I feel like I'm dying. I've already talked to him and told him how I feel, physically and mentally and he tells me to make a doctors appointment - that 'it must be something else'.
Second, but most important - when I am not drinking, my anxiety goes through the ROOF. I cannot deal with ANYTHING, and I get so depressed I can't bear it. I am (very) depressed now, but nights without alcohol - who am I kidding, I get itchy by noon - feel like torture. Anyone go through this???
I have no one to talk to about this. My family is very right wing christian and it would NOT elicit sympathy in any way, shape or form; and I no longer have any friends (I don't work or go out much anymore). NO offense intended, I know there are non-judgmental christians out there but my family does not fall anywhere within that category. Even if I quit, I can't figure out how I can be sick for a week without anyone knowing. No sick days for housewives ; ) Also, I don't know if the anxiety/depression is causing the drinking or the opposite - either way, I'm very physically addicted. When I stopped last time I was scared to death.
Anyway, any advice from anyone who's been through this would be appreciated. My hope at this point is very nearly gone. I am alone, and can't imagine going to a meeting without getting 'caught,' not to mention not knowing what a meeting even consists of.
Thanks for listening.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,347
I can't really see any way you can keep your secret and be well. Something has to give here.
But I really have no advice - I just wanted say welcome.
People will be along soon who will offer advice help and support - this a good place for that.
D
But I really have no advice - I just wanted say welcome.
People will be along soon who will offer advice help and support - this a good place for that.
D
Don't get undies in a bunch
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: South Shore MA
Posts: 7,120
If you drink that much and they are so right wing...what do they say about that?
What we think others think or will think, we find doesn't matter as they will have opinions no matter what you do or don't do.
Take your husband up on his offer of seeing the Dr. and that way you will have your own as well as the Dr's opinion that stopping is a good idea.
As for meetings... they go unnoticed. Can you tell me where they hold them and how many cars you see in the parking lot?
People don't notice such unless they are looking for meetings.
You stop...he doesn't... that is his choice.
You are stopping for yourself, not to make him stop.
As far as not feeling well when you stop...Check with your Dr for what the Dr thinks is the best way to deal with that. Stopping without medical care can be dangerous for some people.
As for the anxiety/depression, it could be magnified by the drinking or caused by the drinking and it could also be an underlaying issue even if there was no drinking.
Stopping the drinking and working through things for a time will let a Dr better know what is what in that regard.
You may want to read the posts that say "sticky" beside them that are located at the top of each forum.
I happen to be a conservative Christian that is non-judgmental and I find that those who are judgmental, Christian or not, are people who never had to deal with alcohol or a family member that had issues with alcohol.
You found a good place here. The mix of people covers the full spectrum and we will each share from our perspective what we have found for Experiences, Strengths, and Hopes ES&H.
Welcome to SR
What we think others think or will think, we find doesn't matter as they will have opinions no matter what you do or don't do.
Take your husband up on his offer of seeing the Dr. and that way you will have your own as well as the Dr's opinion that stopping is a good idea.
As for meetings... they go unnoticed. Can you tell me where they hold them and how many cars you see in the parking lot?
People don't notice such unless they are looking for meetings.
You stop...he doesn't... that is his choice.
You are stopping for yourself, not to make him stop.
As far as not feeling well when you stop...Check with your Dr for what the Dr thinks is the best way to deal with that. Stopping without medical care can be dangerous for some people.
As for the anxiety/depression, it could be magnified by the drinking or caused by the drinking and it could also be an underlaying issue even if there was no drinking.
Stopping the drinking and working through things for a time will let a Dr better know what is what in that regard.
You may want to read the posts that say "sticky" beside them that are located at the top of each forum.
I happen to be a conservative Christian that is non-judgmental and I find that those who are judgmental, Christian or not, are people who never had to deal with alcohol or a family member that had issues with alcohol.
You found a good place here. The mix of people covers the full spectrum and we will each share from our perspective what we have found for Experiences, Strengths, and Hopes ES&H.
Welcome to SR
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: NC
Posts: 42
Welcome! You've made a great start by coming here - it sounds like you need someone to "root for" your sobriety. If the only folks in your life either don't know you have a problem or don't want to see you change it, you can easily start thinking "well, why shouldn't I drink, then?" (Been there - heck, I AM there!) Whether it's on SR or not, find some support. We have jogging buddies, weight loss buddies, etc. - find a sobriety buddy!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 94
Welcome!
Second part of yer story sounds FAMILIAR!(im not married--sounds like a tough connundrum) Im just getting over a massive relapse( after 5 months sober)All the shakes anxiety and etc DOES PASS and things WILL LOOK BRITER(YES,TRUST ME)
You can avail yourself(and hubby too-perhaps)of a detox center(I just did)--doctors visits/care for temporary anti anxiety medication (or depression) And AA meetings --Hey Ive got some philosophical problems with AA culture(I am NOT an AA SOLDIER) but ive made a few friends and it HELPS! GOD BLESS YOU--You know what direction you need to go(sobriety) Just start taking some steps (or aplunge) towards it.
You can avail yourself(and hubby too-perhaps)of a detox center(I just did)--doctors visits/care for temporary anti anxiety medication (or depression) And AA meetings --Hey Ive got some philosophical problems with AA culture(I am NOT an AA SOLDIER) but ive made a few friends and it HELPS! GOD BLESS YOU--You know what direction you need to go(sobriety) Just start taking some steps (or aplunge) towards it.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Mid-Life Express
Posts: 9,930
Welcome I see you already have some responses, I am not an AA'er myself but several folks on this board are and if you choose to take that path I am positive that they will help you. I wish you well whatever path you choose.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: WI
Posts: 180
Hi there...
I've been at the place you're in right now. Drinking became a chore that woudn't end. I couldn't imagine life without it, yet couldn't imagine much more of a life with it. A really terrible, depressing feeling. On top of that, worries over what it had to be doing to my body.
Since you do experience physical withdrawal symptoms, I think you should consult a doctor about quitting. Do you have a regular internal medicine doc? Please come clean and tell him/her what's up with you. He/she will appreciate your honesty and do everything possible to help. Perhaps your husband really doesn't believe that daily drinking is problematic? Your trip to the doctor will enlighten him!
If you're not into AA, there are many other options for you. Personally, I'm doing this on my own and it's been fine so far...but lots of times, folks find it helpful to have others to talk with in a meeting. I don't think anyone would expect you to leave your husband over this. Right now, the issue at hand is to break out of the cycle you're in and get through these first major hurdles. Who knows? Perhaps you can serve as an example to your husband somewhere down the line.
I really wish you the best and hope you'll keep us posted on your progress...
Take care...
I've been at the place you're in right now. Drinking became a chore that woudn't end. I couldn't imagine life without it, yet couldn't imagine much more of a life with it. A really terrible, depressing feeling. On top of that, worries over what it had to be doing to my body.
Since you do experience physical withdrawal symptoms, I think you should consult a doctor about quitting. Do you have a regular internal medicine doc? Please come clean and tell him/her what's up with you. He/she will appreciate your honesty and do everything possible to help. Perhaps your husband really doesn't believe that daily drinking is problematic? Your trip to the doctor will enlighten him!
If you're not into AA, there are many other options for you. Personally, I'm doing this on my own and it's been fine so far...but lots of times, folks find it helpful to have others to talk with in a meeting. I don't think anyone would expect you to leave your husband over this. Right now, the issue at hand is to break out of the cycle you're in and get through these first major hurdles. Who knows? Perhaps you can serve as an example to your husband somewhere down the line.
I really wish you the best and hope you'll keep us posted on your progress...
Take care...
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 12,136
Thanks for sharing, and welcome.
You've received excellent advice, and I, too, urge you to speak with your Dr. and be honest about your drinking.
I go to AA, and it's saved my life. My depression was horrible while drinking, but it's gotten a lot better. I take medication for it today, and it's much more manageable.
I understand your fear over giving up drinking while your husband continues. As hard as it is, I would keep the focus on you and on your drinking. Maybe when he sees the difference in you and in your outlook, he might be willing to look at his own. Regardless, you CAN get well.
I hope you keep posting here. There is a lot of non-judgemental support and compassion from people who truly understand.
Rowan
You've received excellent advice, and I, too, urge you to speak with your Dr. and be honest about your drinking.
I go to AA, and it's saved my life. My depression was horrible while drinking, but it's gotten a lot better. I take medication for it today, and it's much more manageable.
I understand your fear over giving up drinking while your husband continues. As hard as it is, I would keep the focus on you and on your drinking. Maybe when he sees the difference in you and in your outlook, he might be willing to look at his own. Regardless, you CAN get well.
I hope you keep posting here. There is a lot of non-judgemental support and compassion from people who truly understand.
Rowan
trying to get it..
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: California
Posts: 286
Originally Posted by mysoulswornthin 
Also, I don't know if the anxiety/depression is causing the drinking or the opposite - either way, I'm very physically addicted. When I stopped last time I was scared to death.
Anyway, any advice from anyone who's been through this would be appreciated. My hope at this point is very nearly gone. I am alone, and can't imagine going to a meeting without getting 'caught,' not to mention not knowing what a meeting even consists of.
Thanks for listening.
Anyway, any advice from anyone who's been through this would be appreciated. My hope at this point is very nearly gone. I am alone, and can't imagine going to a meeting without getting 'caught,' not to mention not knowing what a meeting even consists of.
Thanks for listening.
my therapist did make me more aware that I have to care for myself..ultimatley, no one can love you like you or me and myslef............ you have to take care of you.....don't let yourself spiral out, because your family members may not understand...
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