Wisher

Does anyone else out there ever feel like they don't have a friend in the world? That is how I feel. My daughter ( not an addict) moved out tonight. She is 20 and moved in with some friends. Her brother, my addicted son, remains here with his wife and child. They are at work tonight. My husband is in the other room watching TV. I feel so alone. I'm sad because my daughter moved out, I'm scared about whether or not my son will stay straight and I'm so lonely because I really don't have any friends. I devoted my life to my family. I've reached out to people and I have several acquaintances but no true friend that I could call right now and cry my heart out too. I've always been there for my family, now I feel like when the smoke clears I will be standing alone, a pathetic sad little creature. I know I need to get out more and get a life but I really don't have any idea what I want to do. I just know I have to do something for me, but where do I start?
Thanks for letting me get this off my chest.

hope213

wisher, honey, i am right there with you.my daughter,my joy, (non addict) is moving next week 3 states over.she has always lives within miles of me & i see her everyday. my a.s. goes to court the day after she moves & if it is tried he will be gone a very long time.i could let myself get very depressed but i am trying hard to live in today.they have not gone anywhere yet.i am sorry u are lonely & i am sending you a hugs & prayers also.

caileesnana

Life makes some amazing turns! Everything happens for a reason. You're in my prayers,
susan

Lovestoomuch

((Wisher))
I'm here too sweetie. You may be feeling lonley, but you're not alone. I went through this myself. My daughter moved out because my exabf still lived here. He was gone all the time using. I didn't really have any face to face friends. I remember those nights feeling so desperate for someone just to talk to or give me a hug and tell me it was going to be alright. We're right here with you.

mjpaao

(( wisher ))
I so know how you feel. I also devoted my life to my family, only working some part time jobs to earn some pin money....never dreamed my h would become a drug addict. I asked a lawyer some questions about a divorce and she told me I would get a good part of our stuff since my ah had proven he could earn good money, while I obviously cannot. That was just great for my self esteem!!
I only wish my h was in the next room like yours, watching tv. Maybe now would be a really great time to reconnect with him? I often wonder if I had spent more time with my husband, and a little less with the kids, if he would still be here. I know. I know the 3 c's, but I can't help feeling I could have done some things a whole lot better.
It's not easy when your kids move out. Is it possible you could start to travel a little, even day or weekend trips? And as far as friends most of mine left right after ah did. My only true friends live out of town, and I don't see them often. I just try to stay very busy, and I do have a lot to take care of now.
I'll be thinking of you, pm me if you get too lonesome!!!

Spiritual Seeker

You did a good job mama, we are not suppose to give our kids roots but rather wings. She is 20 and if she is becoming independent, you done well. You def. need to figure out the next phase of life for yourself, as 1/2 of an empty nester. That is part of the life cycle. Don't argue with reality, accept that she is gone and get on with the rest of your life. Best wishes as you fig. out just what that is. Maybe a lovely vacation with your spouse would be fun.

Lobo

Time to get some good old girlfriends. I don't know what I'd do without mine. Think of a class you'd like to take or a group you'd like to join. Do they have a Red Hat Society where you live? I belong to one and we really do a lot of fun things together. A really nice group of girls. One thing......you have to be 50 to wear a red hat. If you are younger than that then you wear a pink hat. To some it might sound silly, but I have made some good friends.
Good luck and girlfriend hugs..............Lo

marle

Wisher, Sending you some hugs. My only child is my addict, so I know the feeling of being lonely. There is a hole in my heart where she once was and nothing will fill that. I am getting through the grief one day at a time. Hugs, Marle

greeteachday

I'm sorry you feel so lonely...when life revolves around our kids and then they are gone, it's quite an adjustment. I have found new connections through my Naranon group...many moms of addicts who as we have learned to not let addiction control our lives, we've developed freindships and shared interests. I've also explored things I wanted to devote more time to...things I can do with someone else or by myself too..hiking, kayaking, photography, the gym, my gardens. It really helped me to acknowledge sadness and then devote energy to pursuing activities that I found enjoyable. Now I welcome time alone...I think because I'm starting to learn to enjoy me. Hugs..

Nina Kay

Oh Wisher,
I could have written this post myself. It all sounds just like me and my little family. I'm older than you so I've already been through this and it does come down to everything the others before me said. The only true way to get through this process of dealing with this part of life is to get to know ourselves better. To find out what our own personal interests are, as if we had no children and were never married. All about just you. That's so hard to do when you've spent your entire life focused on all of your loved ones and taking care of their needs and making sure that they are happy and healthy. It feels like we've lost ourselves in the process, but we're still in there. We've just stuffed down our true personal feelings & needs and true personal interests and talents.
I totally agree with whoever said that it's good to find a group of people that share your interests and that's one of the reasons that I really like the 12-step groups, face-to-face. I think that everyone needs others that can understand what they are going through from experience, to be there for support and encouragement and to get to know ourselves better with. I do believe in starting where you are in your life.
I do want you to know that I care about you and I consider you my very dear friend, even though we've never personally met. I think of you often and I understand almost everything that you say you feel, from my own personal experience. I've never been very good at being a good friend, since I tend to isolate, but I am here for you if you ever need to talk. Please PM me and I will make more of an unselfish effort to get right back to you as soon as possible.
(((((((((((((((((Caring & Understanding Hugs)))))))))))))))))

tropikgal2

Loneliness is the worst. I dont' have kids, but I have seen the "empty-nest" syndrome many times with other people. Like the others suggested, getting busy with activities you enjoy is very good, maybe taking a class, joining a gym, etc. Getting out and making some sort of social contact, no matter how small, is very important. You need that "human connection".
((HUGS))

suzieq1972

I completely understand what it's like to feel so lonely. My A is my husband and I have spent the last 15+ years centering my life around first him and then our family. I can't even remember the things that I used to like to do. Kinda sad I think. I'm glad my son plays sports and has lots of friends, he has a way to get away. I don't have any close friends either. I think it's about time I go out and figure out what I like and want.

parentrecovers

i've made some good girlfriends and my hubby and i a few new couple friends in alanon. we do things together outside of meetings. blessings, k

Wisher

I am so much better today, thanks so much to all of you.

Hope213: My, we do have a lot in common. I'm sorry your daughter will be so far away but I call tell you that my sister moved very far away 20 years ago and we have remained very close. Distance does not have to end special relationships, in fact they can grow and flourish. Thanks so much for the hugs and prayers, same to you.

Cail: I believe everything happens for a reason too. Sometimes it just takes a while to figure it out. Thanks so much.

Lovestoomuch: Thanks so much for your sweet response, it helps to know that others understand, and care.

Mjpaao: You made a very good point about spending more time with my husband. We do need to reconnect. Thanks for drawing my attention to that very important fact.

Spiritual Seeker: You touched my heart with your sweetness, thank you.

Lobo: Your Red Hat Soc. sounds wonderful, not silly at all. I am glad you found it.

Marle: Hugs right back to you, thanks for your understanding.

Greeteachday: I absorbed every word you wrote. I do need to pursue my interests more, you are so right.

Nina: You are such a good friend, you always have been. You give so much of yourself and are so sincere and loving in the process. Please PM soon and let me know how you are doing.

Tropikgal: Yes, a "human connection" is precisely what I need! Thanks.

Suzieq1972: We both need to get out and figure out what it is we like and want from this world, too bad we couldn't do it together. Thank you.

Parentrecovers: Naranon, face to face meetings, do sound great. I'm glad they worked out so well for you.

Each and everyone of you touched my heart with your kind words and generous support. I can't thank you enough. It is funny how much better I feel today. It goes to show you, as a very wise person right here on this forum once said, the difference between a bad day and a good day is usually a couple of days. Thanks again everyone, I truely appreciate all of you. Wisher.

Nina Kay

Hey Wisher,
I'm so gald to hear that you were doing better a few days ago. I hope that you're still doing alright. I wanted to let you know that I've had my grandchildren all week and I'm leaving as soon as I get things together, to go to my sister's for the weekend for a gospel meeting there. I will definitely PM you when I get back on Monday. I'll be thinking of you until then and will remember you and yours in my prayers. Take special care of yourself. You are a special person to me.
(((((((((((((((Hugs)))))))))))))))

Spiritual Seeker

I have heard that our children can't be our salvation. I can't be for my mother and my child can't be for me. Loss is part of life...those of us who are parents to addicts truly know this life-lesson. We all exper. loss though. It never gets easier, but for me, acceptance comes easier as I age.