Parent of addict struggling
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Georgia
Posts: 4
Parent of addict struggling
Hi,
I am new. I am looking for someone, anyone who can help me.
I have a 19 yr old daughter who is an addict. Her drug of choice is meth(ice).
My daughter was sentenced to 11 months in our county jail. I begged the judge to allow rehab in lieu of jail time. The judge agreed. My daughter said I was the devil and she hated me. After 42 days in jail, she has succumb to rehab.
She was checked into a long term facility-9 months. She has been there only 2 weeks and already same old tricks. I am at a loss. I don't know what to do. Rehab is costing me a fortune and I am neglecting(time wise and financially) two other children ages 9 and 12 at home.
I am mad!! How dare she take what I have to offer and just throw it away! Family members and counselors are telling me that I HAVE to be there. I cant turn my back on her. I don't want to be. I want to walk away if just for a little while. I feel like if I don't, I will end up hating the daughter I love so dearly. My daughter needs someone to do her laundry, buy her cigarettes and grocery shop for snacks, etc every week. If I walk away, there are no other family members that are willing to do what I do.
I am tired of the deceit and the lies. I do all of this for her, and at the end of the day, she uses her phone time to call her good time drug buddies.!!!
Can someone offer advice? I am really struggling with this.
I am new. I am looking for someone, anyone who can help me.
I have a 19 yr old daughter who is an addict. Her drug of choice is meth(ice).
My daughter was sentenced to 11 months in our county jail. I begged the judge to allow rehab in lieu of jail time. The judge agreed. My daughter said I was the devil and she hated me. After 42 days in jail, she has succumb to rehab.
She was checked into a long term facility-9 months. She has been there only 2 weeks and already same old tricks. I am at a loss. I don't know what to do. Rehab is costing me a fortune and I am neglecting(time wise and financially) two other children ages 9 and 12 at home.
I am mad!! How dare she take what I have to offer and just throw it away! Family members and counselors are telling me that I HAVE to be there. I cant turn my back on her. I don't want to be. I want to walk away if just for a little while. I feel like if I don't, I will end up hating the daughter I love so dearly. My daughter needs someone to do her laundry, buy her cigarettes and grocery shop for snacks, etc every week. If I walk away, there are no other family members that are willing to do what I do.
I am tired of the deceit and the lies. I do all of this for her, and at the end of the day, she uses her phone time to call her good time drug buddies.!!!
Can someone offer advice? I am really struggling with this.
krhea75
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: macomb, il
Posts: 644
Welcome to SR, start reading with the stickies at the top of the page, and check out Alanon meetings. You sound like a good loving mom who needs to start taking care of herself! There will be others after me to give more advice. My son is in a similar situation, getting ready for his fifth round at rehab in lieu of jail. He doesn't want to go, but he has no choice. It will be back to jail if he doesn't . I know how tough it is. Hang in there.
krhea
krhea
Member
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Michigan
Posts: 81
I am sorry you are going through this. All of us moms here know your heartache. We have lived it too. Try to stay strong. Since you are in the position of power here, with your addicted daughter in rehab, maybe you can demand some respect and compassion from her if she wants you to do things for her? I truely hope that she recovers, my heart goes out to you.
get it, give it, grow in it
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Calif coast
Posts: 3,167
My son went to two rehabs before and was sched. for a 3rd but refused. None of these places did he have to have someone do his shopping for cigs + snacks. He is a smoker so I don't know how or if he smoked in rehab. Snacks + cigs should be her situation to fig. out. If they don't provide them then she prob doesn't need them. One rehab they took them shopping once a week. I would turn that back over to her. If she is ingenius enough to fig. out how to get drugs she can fig, out how to get by in rehab. Be careful not to fall for lies, manipulations etc. She know that if she fails at rehab their is jail waiting.My advice: Let her work her program and you stay out of it
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: GO PENS
Posts: 1,151
Lorellee, I understand where you are coming from. It seems the more we do for them the less they appreciate us. Right now my daughter is in the county jail for drugs and alcohol, resisting arrest, etc. I did not bail her out and I don't know how long she will be in. My daughter is 26 and she started using drugs at the age of 20.
It has been the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with. She has been in and out of rehabs. It doesn't work if they don't want it to. My daughter has told me many times how much she hates me and I love her more than life. I have learned to walk away from time to time. I have set certain boundries that I can live with. I believe it's okay for you to walk away if she isn't treating you with respect. Let her realize that there will be no cigs, snacks and clean laundry if you don't get any respect.
There are a lot of moms on this site and they will give you a lot of support and share what they have been through and what they do. Stay here, it's a good place.
Sending you mom hugs and keep your focus on the two little ones..........Lo
It has been the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with. She has been in and out of rehabs. It doesn't work if they don't want it to. My daughter has told me many times how much she hates me and I love her more than life. I have learned to walk away from time to time. I have set certain boundries that I can live with. I believe it's okay for you to walk away if she isn't treating you with respect. Let her realize that there will be no cigs, snacks and clean laundry if you don't get any respect.
There are a lot of moms on this site and they will give you a lot of support and share what they have been through and what they do. Stay here, it's a good place.
Sending you mom hugs and keep your focus on the two little ones..........Lo
get it, give it, grow in it
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Calif coast
Posts: 3,167
P.S. Can you just show up for family day + events and leave the rest to her and the professionals who you are paying the big bucks to???
There are plenty of moms on SR ; we are here for ea. other Welcome
There are plenty of moms on SR ; we are here for ea. other Welcome
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: dallas texas
Posts: 1,629
Hi,
My daughter is 23, just clean 62 days, out of rehab in IOP. It was her 4th trip, however this time it was her idea! Leave her in treatment, at least she is safe there. You don't HAVE to be there. There are lots of notes on this site about detaching w/ love, letting go, etc. The only advise I can give is love her. Someone told me in April when I joined(I hadn't seen or heard from her in 4 months) that my daugher was inside that "person" she had become...somewhere.
I, and so many others, know you hurt, pain and anger. You are among friends and many good folks that will guide you through anything.
Prayers,
susan
My daughter is 23, just clean 62 days, out of rehab in IOP. It was her 4th trip, however this time it was her idea! Leave her in treatment, at least she is safe there. You don't HAVE to be there. There are lots of notes on this site about detaching w/ love, letting go, etc. The only advise I can give is love her. Someone told me in April when I joined(I hadn't seen or heard from her in 4 months) that my daugher was inside that "person" she had become...somewhere.
I, and so many others, know you hurt, pain and anger. You are among friends and many good folks that will guide you through anything.
Prayers,
susan
Last edited by caileesnana; 07-23-2007 at 06:09 PM. Reason: correction
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: twilight zone,usa
Posts: 3,909
lorelle, welcome to S.R. i am sorry u are going through this.my addict is my son.crack addict for 12 yrs,alcoholic for 19. there is alot of info here. i am sorry for your pain. it is a rough road for the family of an addict. i have always been there for my son & i still am except in a different way.i have done the rehabs,bonds,lawyers over & over again.today i look after myself.the addict has to be ready in order to accept any help at all. i hate to say it but your daughter is not.she has got to hit her bottom before she can get well. my son has not done it yet.it can cost you $$$$$$ & more $$$$, it is throwing it to the wind. it will not do them a bit of good.nothing will.read around & keep coming back.you are in the right place to get recovery for yourself. that is learn what you can do to take care of you.my heart & prayers go out for you.keep coming back & let us know how you are & your daughter too.we care.
get it, give it, grow in it
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Calif coast
Posts: 3,167
P.S. just a thought "You cannot set boundaries and take care of someone else's feelings at the same time." Letting go doesn't mean ceasing to want to help. It simply means that we go about the helping in a completely different way.
Read the Al-anon literature Detaching with Love. Hardest thing we have to do as moms, but necessary for OUR own good.
Read the Al-anon literature Detaching with Love. Hardest thing we have to do as moms, but necessary for OUR own good.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: East Tawas, MI
Posts: 3,683
Welcome to SR. My addict is my daughter, 21. She is my only child. You have the right to detach from your daughter. Her addiction is her problem, not yours. She has to learn to live life on life's terms. I detached from my daughter, first with anger, now I can feel compassion. I just could not have a front row seat in her destruction. I still have tremendous sadness and grief, but it was a lot worse when I was an active participant in her life. Sending some hugs and prayers. Marle
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: tn
Posts: 663
Welcome. There are many moms here who feel the same pain as you. My addict is my daughter 21, DOC cocaine. I found out when she was 19 years old. agree, read the info at the top of the page. For the longest time I thought all of the "if only I . . " things would be different. I know it breaks your heart, I still grieve for the little girl and young lady I knew back when. But the reality is, she is not there; the addict is. I can love my daughter and hate the addiction at the same time.
I wanted the detachment part to come overnight. It has not. It takes time. Each day gets easier for me. I still yearn for the daughter I knew before the addiction came into the picture.
There are many sweet people here with lots of good advice. Keep eading and keep posting. You are certainly not alone.
HUGS and Love
Terri
I wanted the detachment part to come overnight. It has not. It takes time. Each day gets easier for me. I still yearn for the daughter I knew before the addiction came into the picture.
There are many sweet people here with lots of good advice. Keep eading and keep posting. You are certainly not alone.
HUGS and Love
Terri
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Cloud 9
Posts: 778
Welcome, another mom here. My daughter is 21 and a recovering heroin addict. When she first went to rehab, she was a crack addict. A month after she got out, she started usinig heroin. In the last 1 1/2 yrs she has been in in paitent rehab 2 times, detox 3, medical detox 1, intensive out paitent 3, halfway house 1, and the ER once. At one point she made it to 6 months clean. Then she got cockey & thought well I've been good this long, what will a little bit hurt? (she told me this) In 2 days she will be celebrating 90 days clean again. Each time she has tried, she has learned something. She told me that she didn't do it before cuz she truley wasn't ready.
I understand how you feel that you should be there doing this & that for your daughter. What worked for me was I would let her know ahead of time, like on a visitation day I would tell her that next sun I can't make it because of this or that. Early in their recovery she would try to guilt me into coming, but I would stick to my guns. There should be laundry facilites on the premisis. She will learn to ask others for help getting snacks/ cigs. They learn to help each other. Some good, some not so good. I only missed a couple visits, but boy did that do me the world of good. You need to do what is good for you. Just like your daughter needs to learn for herself. You sound like a very loving mom, who has just had more than a person can balance. If you take care of yourself, you will be in better shape for the rest of your family, and also better for your addict daughter. (((hugs)))
I understand how you feel that you should be there doing this & that for your daughter. What worked for me was I would let her know ahead of time, like on a visitation day I would tell her that next sun I can't make it because of this or that. Early in their recovery she would try to guilt me into coming, but I would stick to my guns. There should be laundry facilites on the premisis. She will learn to ask others for help getting snacks/ cigs. They learn to help each other. Some good, some not so good. I only missed a couple visits, but boy did that do me the world of good. You need to do what is good for you. Just like your daughter needs to learn for herself. You sound like a very loving mom, who has just had more than a person can balance. If you take care of yourself, you will be in better shape for the rest of your family, and also better for your addict daughter. (((hugs)))
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
Welcome...I couldn't agree more with the ideas suggested here. Being supportive doesn't mean you have to be at her beck and call. I learned not to listen to those who have not walked through the pain of having an addicted love one...they just have no clue. She is in rehab...they can help her...it's time now for you to take care of you!
Have you tried any Naranon or Alanon meetings? They are for friends and families of addicts and the face to face support is amazing. Keep reading and posting ...you are not alone! Hugs
Have you tried any Naranon or Alanon meetings? They are for friends and families of addicts and the face to face support is amazing. Keep reading and posting ...you are not alone! Hugs
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: My House
Posts: 1,122
*hugs*
Forgive me if I repeat anything in the previous posts, but here's my humble opinion on the situation...
Believe it or not, you may be doing more harm than good by being there for her 24/7. For one thing, as long as you are there to help her, she will always expect you to be there to do her laundry, feed her, etc. While 19 is very young, just try to remember that the more comfortable you try to make her (by providing her necessities or otherwise), the less necessary it is for her to make the changes on her own so that she becomes more self sustaining. Why buy the cow when the milk is free?
My you sound a lot like my mom, and I just want you to know that your two other kids will be very comforted by the fact that they have not lost you to their sister's addiction. I resented my sister and my mom for a very long time because I felt like my sister had taken my mom away from me, as if she had injected what was left of my mom into her blood with the heroin so that all anyone else could see in either one of them was my sister's problems. It didn't matter that I had good news for her, it didn't matter that I needed to talk to her, because she never gave me a chance to find out if those things mattered to her... she would cut me off and go straight into talking about my sister.
Please don't misunderstand me; I love my mother very much, and my sister is finally doing well with her recovery... but, if my mom had the courage to distance herself from my sister earlier on, the rest of us might have had an easier time with our own recoveries.
Just out of curiosity, I assume the younger two know what is going on? It is probably very scary for them to have an older sister who has been in jail and all... none of my business, but do you think they might benefit from seeing a counselor to help them cope with this?
*hugs and prayers for you, your daughter, and the other two kids*
Forgive me if I repeat anything in the previous posts, but here's my humble opinion on the situation...
Believe it or not, you may be doing more harm than good by being there for her 24/7. For one thing, as long as you are there to help her, she will always expect you to be there to do her laundry, feed her, etc. While 19 is very young, just try to remember that the more comfortable you try to make her (by providing her necessities or otherwise), the less necessary it is for her to make the changes on her own so that she becomes more self sustaining. Why buy the cow when the milk is free?
My you sound a lot like my mom, and I just want you to know that your two other kids will be very comforted by the fact that they have not lost you to their sister's addiction. I resented my sister and my mom for a very long time because I felt like my sister had taken my mom away from me, as if she had injected what was left of my mom into her blood with the heroin so that all anyone else could see in either one of them was my sister's problems. It didn't matter that I had good news for her, it didn't matter that I needed to talk to her, because she never gave me a chance to find out if those things mattered to her... she would cut me off and go straight into talking about my sister.
Please don't misunderstand me; I love my mother very much, and my sister is finally doing well with her recovery... but, if my mom had the courage to distance herself from my sister earlier on, the rest of us might have had an easier time with our own recoveries.
Just out of curiosity, I assume the younger two know what is going on? It is probably very scary for them to have an older sister who has been in jail and all... none of my business, but do you think they might benefit from seeing a counselor to help them cope with this?
*hugs and prayers for you, your daughter, and the other two kids*
*~10 YEARS BABY~*
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Hollywood
Posts: 9,369
[QUOTE=lorellee;1422308]Hi,
I am new.
~~~~~~~
Welcome to SR!
I am looking for someone, anyone who can help me.
I have a 19 yr old daughter who is an addict. Her drug of choice is meth(ice).
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
OHHH!!! That was my drug of choice, the one and only drug I like...
or love I should say..
~~~~~~~~~~~~
My daughter was sentenced to 11 months in our county jail. I begged the judge to allow rehab in lieu of jail time. The judge agreed. My daughter said I was the devil and she hated me. After 42 days in jail, she has succumb to rehab.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Have you or did you know that they refer to or call Meth or Ice, the
"Devils Drug"?
~~~~~~~~~~
She was checked into a long term facility-9 months. She has been there only 2 weeks and already same old tricks. I am at a loss. I don't know what to do. Rehab is costing me a fortune and I am neglecting(time wise and financially) two other children ages 9 and 12 at home.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What happens if you stop paying? Does she go back to jail?
If that is a choice for you, it's a good one. I'd do it in a heartbeat.
~~~~~~~~~~
I am mad!! How dare she take what I have to offer and just throw it away! Family members and counselors are telling me that I HAVE to be there.
~~~~~~~~
Well then.... If they are "Telling" you that you "HAVE" to be there...
You tell her to "STOP" using meth, tell her to stop having the cravings,
and tell her to "STOP" smoking, and you'll be there.
Why does she get to use meth, and turn your life upside down and continue
to dictate YOUR life while putting you in debt and taking time away from
your other children.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
I cant turn my back on her.
How have you turned your back on her? You already got her into rehab
as opposed to jail?
~~~~~~
I don't want to be. I want to walk away if just for a little while. I feel like if I don't, I will end up hating the daughter I love so dearly.
You have every right to do that. That doesn't mean you don't love her, you are walking away from the drug for awhile. You can't take care of anyone if you are falling apart, esp. the other two. And that's not fair to them.
~~~~~~~~
My daughter needs someone to do her laundry, buy her cigarettes and grocery shop for snacks, etc every week. If I walk away, there are no other family members that are willing to do what I do.
She's not helpless, she was able to find her own drug dealer, and her own ICE, she was able to learn how to do a line and able to get high, she was able to learn how to lie, steal and cheat, use, and get herself in jail. You really think she can't find a way to do her own laundry?
Why oh why do you feel like you have to buy her cigarettes? What has she done or is she doing to deserve them? She's playing you like a fiddle. She tells you that you are the devil and she hates you and you want to do her laundry and buy her things? No wonder you are on the verge of hating her (which I know isn't true)..
If you keep doing things for her, why should she change?
You know what she's probably thinking I'm in rehab big freakin deal.... How many more days till I get out? We don't change if we don't have a reason, and being in rehab with Mom doing everything for us isn't a reason to change when your 19 on ICE, or from the sounds of it anyway.
~~~~~~
I am tired of the deceit and the lies. I do all of this for her, and at the end of the day, she uses her phone time to call her good time drug buddies.!!!
Because she's counting the days.... Do Nothing for her.
~~~~~~~
Can someone offer advice? I am really struggling with this.
Ice for me was so insanely powerful. I tried speed and was hooked in 5 seconds.
But I stopped it because I had no connections, a few years ago, my roommate intro'd me to a dealer who literally delivered to my house, but this time it was
pure ICE.
I've tried coke, weed, oxy and shrooms before and they did nothing for me.
ICE took a life of it's own.
Look up KCI-Anti meth site, it has some really good info.
In the beginning meth makes you feel so powerful and amazing and before you know it you are a slave to the drug. You need it more than you need anything else.
I've read that your brain literally believes it will die if it doesn't get more.
That's what it's like.
So as time goes by, things in your life become less important and meth becomes more important.
The only thing that changes that usually is when it stops working, and it will.
But in the meantime, meth makes you feel so good, you don't need things
anymore, you just need it, and anyone who is associated with it.
That's why you see people stop talking to their friends, they don't need them, or their family, meth tells you and makes you think you don't need them, you don't need food, sleep, some stop showering, everyone's different.
I didn't sink to far, but my roommate did, he also called me the devil, etc. became homeless, ughhh.
You can't stop or change meth. It's not going to happen, if she's not ready, if she's still calling her drug buddies, she wants it. I remember that feeling all to well.
There was a long period of time that I did NOT believe I could live w/out it.
I mean, I really believed I couldn't live w/out it, I was okay if I died from it, if it shortened my life by half, it didn't matter cause I could not live without.
There was just no way..
Then it started to affect my brain and my thinking, my pocket book, and everything else. And then my dealer got confused thought I short changed him when I didn't and threatened me, and I "realized" that my dealer wasn't such a nice guy after all, and walking out of my door behind scared to death wasn't so much fun..
She's 19 if you keep helping her and bailing her out, you might be here a long time.
Let her go to jail if there's that option, let her go live on the streets if she gets herself into that position, because if you stop her or rescue her now, it's just going to be worse for her later. You can't love meth away. Until a user hates it, I mean really hates it, or is that scared of it, that's when they quit...
If she decides she wants to quit, I'm all for helping her, people helped me, but until then. No way...
You are fighting the drug, not her, she's not herself right now, you get stuck inside of yourself, a hostage to the drug. It's horrible, but at the same time, I can tell you when you are still on that ICE high and it's fun and working, you will lie, use, cheat and steal to get your way, you need and want more. Coming down is the worst feeling in the world, I got very suicidal esp. at the end.
It helps to think or know that you are fighting the drug and not her. You can hate the drug and hate what she does, and how she behaves and still love her at the same time.
This is all just my opinion and my experience, it doesn't mean it's right, or true for her or anyone else.
But I will say one thing, when you hear that meth addicts don't get better, or they never recover, and all the other things you may, blah, blah, blah, it's not true.
Meth addicts recover all the time, and many of us are not chronic relapsers.
I'm not.
Listen to these ladies on here, they are the best. They'll get you through anything!
((((lorellee)))))
I am new.
~~~~~~~
Welcome to SR!
I am looking for someone, anyone who can help me.
I have a 19 yr old daughter who is an addict. Her drug of choice is meth(ice).
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
OHHH!!! That was my drug of choice, the one and only drug I like...
or love I should say..
~~~~~~~~~~~~
My daughter was sentenced to 11 months in our county jail. I begged the judge to allow rehab in lieu of jail time. The judge agreed. My daughter said I was the devil and she hated me. After 42 days in jail, she has succumb to rehab.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Have you or did you know that they refer to or call Meth or Ice, the
"Devils Drug"?
~~~~~~~~~~
She was checked into a long term facility-9 months. She has been there only 2 weeks and already same old tricks. I am at a loss. I don't know what to do. Rehab is costing me a fortune and I am neglecting(time wise and financially) two other children ages 9 and 12 at home.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What happens if you stop paying? Does she go back to jail?
If that is a choice for you, it's a good one. I'd do it in a heartbeat.
~~~~~~~~~~
I am mad!! How dare she take what I have to offer and just throw it away! Family members and counselors are telling me that I HAVE to be there.
~~~~~~~~
Well then.... If they are "Telling" you that you "HAVE" to be there...
You tell her to "STOP" using meth, tell her to stop having the cravings,
and tell her to "STOP" smoking, and you'll be there.
Why does she get to use meth, and turn your life upside down and continue
to dictate YOUR life while putting you in debt and taking time away from
your other children.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
I cant turn my back on her.
How have you turned your back on her? You already got her into rehab
as opposed to jail?
~~~~~~
I don't want to be. I want to walk away if just for a little while. I feel like if I don't, I will end up hating the daughter I love so dearly.
You have every right to do that. That doesn't mean you don't love her, you are walking away from the drug for awhile. You can't take care of anyone if you are falling apart, esp. the other two. And that's not fair to them.
~~~~~~~~
My daughter needs someone to do her laundry, buy her cigarettes and grocery shop for snacks, etc every week. If I walk away, there are no other family members that are willing to do what I do.
She's not helpless, she was able to find her own drug dealer, and her own ICE, she was able to learn how to do a line and able to get high, she was able to learn how to lie, steal and cheat, use, and get herself in jail. You really think she can't find a way to do her own laundry?
Why oh why do you feel like you have to buy her cigarettes? What has she done or is she doing to deserve them? She's playing you like a fiddle. She tells you that you are the devil and she hates you and you want to do her laundry and buy her things? No wonder you are on the verge of hating her (which I know isn't true)..
If you keep doing things for her, why should she change?
You know what she's probably thinking I'm in rehab big freakin deal.... How many more days till I get out? We don't change if we don't have a reason, and being in rehab with Mom doing everything for us isn't a reason to change when your 19 on ICE, or from the sounds of it anyway.
~~~~~~
I am tired of the deceit and the lies. I do all of this for her, and at the end of the day, she uses her phone time to call her good time drug buddies.!!!
Because she's counting the days.... Do Nothing for her.
~~~~~~~
Can someone offer advice? I am really struggling with this.
Ice for me was so insanely powerful. I tried speed and was hooked in 5 seconds.
But I stopped it because I had no connections, a few years ago, my roommate intro'd me to a dealer who literally delivered to my house, but this time it was
pure ICE.
I've tried coke, weed, oxy and shrooms before and they did nothing for me.
ICE took a life of it's own.
Look up KCI-Anti meth site, it has some really good info.
In the beginning meth makes you feel so powerful and amazing and before you know it you are a slave to the drug. You need it more than you need anything else.
I've read that your brain literally believes it will die if it doesn't get more.
That's what it's like.
So as time goes by, things in your life become less important and meth becomes more important.
The only thing that changes that usually is when it stops working, and it will.
But in the meantime, meth makes you feel so good, you don't need things
anymore, you just need it, and anyone who is associated with it.
That's why you see people stop talking to their friends, they don't need them, or their family, meth tells you and makes you think you don't need them, you don't need food, sleep, some stop showering, everyone's different.
I didn't sink to far, but my roommate did, he also called me the devil, etc. became homeless, ughhh.
You can't stop or change meth. It's not going to happen, if she's not ready, if she's still calling her drug buddies, she wants it. I remember that feeling all to well.
There was a long period of time that I did NOT believe I could live w/out it.
I mean, I really believed I couldn't live w/out it, I was okay if I died from it, if it shortened my life by half, it didn't matter cause I could not live without.
There was just no way..
Then it started to affect my brain and my thinking, my pocket book, and everything else. And then my dealer got confused thought I short changed him when I didn't and threatened me, and I "realized" that my dealer wasn't such a nice guy after all, and walking out of my door behind scared to death wasn't so much fun..
She's 19 if you keep helping her and bailing her out, you might be here a long time.
Let her go to jail if there's that option, let her go live on the streets if she gets herself into that position, because if you stop her or rescue her now, it's just going to be worse for her later. You can't love meth away. Until a user hates it, I mean really hates it, or is that scared of it, that's when they quit...
If she decides she wants to quit, I'm all for helping her, people helped me, but until then. No way...
You are fighting the drug, not her, she's not herself right now, you get stuck inside of yourself, a hostage to the drug. It's horrible, but at the same time, I can tell you when you are still on that ICE high and it's fun and working, you will lie, use, cheat and steal to get your way, you need and want more. Coming down is the worst feeling in the world, I got very suicidal esp. at the end.
It helps to think or know that you are fighting the drug and not her. You can hate the drug and hate what she does, and how she behaves and still love her at the same time.
This is all just my opinion and my experience, it doesn't mean it's right, or true for her or anyone else.
But I will say one thing, when you hear that meth addicts don't get better, or they never recover, and all the other things you may, blah, blah, blah, it's not true.
Meth addicts recover all the time, and many of us are not chronic relapsers.
I'm not.
Listen to these ladies on here, they are the best. They'll get you through anything!
((((lorellee)))))
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Georgia
Posts: 4
Oh my Gosh! You guys are wonderful. I appreciate the wonderful words of advice and inspiration!!
I have calmed down a little since yesterday. I spoke to my daughter last night and told her I was ready to walk away. I told her I am tired of the lies, etc. I also explained to her that she could not expect a visit from me until I could see a change in her. As far as family counseling, group sessions and NA meetings, I will still attend. As far as cigarettes, laundry and chocolate, NO WAY!! I have decided it is better for me as well as her if I give what I want to give when I want to give it instead of being manipulated to do it.
She of course denied dishonesty and really just said she didn't want to get into it with me right then-more denial?? I definitely think so. I pray the counselors can help her to see more of where I am in this. Her disease affects me and the rest of my family.
To ladyamalthea, thank you so much for your point of view. This gives me renewed faith that I am making the right decision. Not only for me personally, but for my two boys. I have not taken the time to consider that this affects them as far as Mom is concerned. That I am taking precious time away from them. Yes. They do know what is going on with their sister. I talk to them about it. I think honesty is the best policy in a situation like this. I feel they will learn early on from her mistakes that there are consequences for your actions. Thank you for the advice.
To Done-With_It, I want to say WOW! I really appreciate your perspective. I have read the addicts plea. This is actually what has helped me to say no to her. I think it is wonderful that you have done so much work to get clean. I think it is great that you are involved in helping people like me!
I thank everyone for your prayers. I will keep posting and reading. Thanks to all of you, I can have a different perspective on this whole mess and not feel selfish doing it!! God Bless.
Lorellee
I have calmed down a little since yesterday. I spoke to my daughter last night and told her I was ready to walk away. I told her I am tired of the lies, etc. I also explained to her that she could not expect a visit from me until I could see a change in her. As far as family counseling, group sessions and NA meetings, I will still attend. As far as cigarettes, laundry and chocolate, NO WAY!! I have decided it is better for me as well as her if I give what I want to give when I want to give it instead of being manipulated to do it.
She of course denied dishonesty and really just said she didn't want to get into it with me right then-more denial?? I definitely think so. I pray the counselors can help her to see more of where I am in this. Her disease affects me and the rest of my family.
To ladyamalthea, thank you so much for your point of view. This gives me renewed faith that I am making the right decision. Not only for me personally, but for my two boys. I have not taken the time to consider that this affects them as far as Mom is concerned. That I am taking precious time away from them. Yes. They do know what is going on with their sister. I talk to them about it. I think honesty is the best policy in a situation like this. I feel they will learn early on from her mistakes that there are consequences for your actions. Thank you for the advice.
To Done-With_It, I want to say WOW! I really appreciate your perspective. I have read the addicts plea. This is actually what has helped me to say no to her. I think it is wonderful that you have done so much work to get clean. I think it is great that you are involved in helping people like me!
I thank everyone for your prayers. I will keep posting and reading. Thanks to all of you, I can have a different perspective on this whole mess and not feel selfish doing it!! God Bless.
Lorellee
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: My House
Posts: 1,122
Lorellee,
I want to offer one more tidbit of my experience with this...
It's wonderful that the boys know what mistakes their sister has made and that they will have the opportunity to learn from it. It is also great that you are being completely honest with them.
Having said that, and you probably already know this, but be careful to not cross the thin line between informing them and using them in place of a therapist or diary. Informing them is one thing, but my mom would call me any time day or night when things were at their worst, crying, and tell me she "needed someone to talk to." I made every effort to be there for her and be supportive, but it was hard enough for me to watch my sister self destruct; but to have what little time I did have with my mom to also be devoted entirely to my sister or how mom was upset about my sister just made things even harder.
All I'm saying is that I hope you can remember to talk to them about other things as well- what is going on in their lives. They need to be reminded every day that they are just as important to you as their sister is.
You and all three of your children are still in my heart and prayers... I am so happy that you are able to gather the strength to get through this! And please, feel free to post here any time you need to vent about what is going on with your daughter. We are all here for you and your family.
*hugs and prayers*
I want to offer one more tidbit of my experience with this...
It's wonderful that the boys know what mistakes their sister has made and that they will have the opportunity to learn from it. It is also great that you are being completely honest with them.
Having said that, and you probably already know this, but be careful to not cross the thin line between informing them and using them in place of a therapist or diary. Informing them is one thing, but my mom would call me any time day or night when things were at their worst, crying, and tell me she "needed someone to talk to." I made every effort to be there for her and be supportive, but it was hard enough for me to watch my sister self destruct; but to have what little time I did have with my mom to also be devoted entirely to my sister or how mom was upset about my sister just made things even harder.
All I'm saying is that I hope you can remember to talk to them about other things as well- what is going on in their lives. They need to be reminded every day that they are just as important to you as their sister is.
You and all three of your children are still in my heart and prayers... I am so happy that you are able to gather the strength to get through this! And please, feel free to post here any time you need to vent about what is going on with your daughter. We are all here for you and your family.
*hugs and prayers*
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: East Tawas, MI
Posts: 3,683
When she told you she did not want to get into it right now, she still could be manipulating. Especially if you are like me and get good feelings from being super mom to the rescue. She may be trying to make you feel like she does not care, hoping you will feel so forlorn that you will then try to help. Set only those boundaries that you really intend on keeping. If you say no and then back down, the addict feels that they can get you everytime. Don't guilt yourself. You did not cause her addiction and whether or not you do her laundry or buy her cigs and chocolate, will have no impact on whether she stays clean or uses again. Until she has some good clean time anything that comes out of her mouth is the addict talking. Addicts have only one need and will do or say whatever is needed to get their drug. Hugs, Marle
Power is not having to respond
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Wabbit Hole
Posts: 1,923
Been there done that.
I quit spending money on my addict because all I did was throw hard earned money in the toilet. It did no good.
Until the addict has a life changing attitude and genuinely wants help for their addiction, nothing we do will change anything.
Addicts are professional manipulators, tellling you anything you want to hear to get what they want out of you.
And, don't believe the hate speech. It's the addiction talking.
My addict son is in jail. I quit enabling him and let him fall all the way down for his own good. Being in jail has dried him out and now he can think straight for a change!
Every situation is different, but addiction is the same where ever you go.
I hope you find some peace through all this. Just realize no matter what she says, it's not your fault she's addicted, and you can't cure it either.
I quit spending money on my addict because all I did was throw hard earned money in the toilet. It did no good.
Until the addict has a life changing attitude and genuinely wants help for their addiction, nothing we do will change anything.
Addicts are professional manipulators, tellling you anything you want to hear to get what they want out of you.
And, don't believe the hate speech. It's the addiction talking.
My addict son is in jail. I quit enabling him and let him fall all the way down for his own good. Being in jail has dried him out and now he can think straight for a change!
Every situation is different, but addiction is the same where ever you go.
I hope you find some peace through all this. Just realize no matter what she says, it's not your fault she's addicted, and you can't cure it either.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
