How to deal with the fall out?
Southern through and through
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: In.....trouble :-)
Posts: 1,453
How to deal with the fall out?
Ok, guys, help me out with this one. I know some of ya'll are very clever with your words, so I have my pen and paper ready to take notes....
We are now dealing with some of the fall out left behind by our daughter as she has gone to treatment. We are VERY thankful she is in treatment but this fallout crap, well....ya'll know.
I'm weathering it pretty good and just trying not to let myself get bogged down in how aggravated it COULD make me feel. On a scale of 1 - 10 I'm handling it on about a "7" level. So give me a cookie!...
Now here is what I need help with and I'm just going to be so very blunt and speak my mind on this one. (Hey I'm getting close to the age where I can say anything I want anyway, so I figure I'll start now...) I can't stand IGNORNANT people who love to glory in someone else's problems. They are so sick themselves getting pleasure out of other people's pain. My daughter's problem has been handled pretty discreetly so far, but I have a feeling it's all fixin to hit the fan. And I just happen to live in a small, gossipy town. I HATE, simply HATE the fact that she will be looked down upon because she has a disease. I fear someone is going to confront me on what is going on with her and, with my luck, it will be the stupidest of the stupid confronting me.
Surely someone has a fabulously tactful way to deal with these nosey types who don't have a clue. If ya'll don't give me some suggestions, you might read about some middle aged woman in Georgia who has been charged with choking another individual in Wal Mart after what seemed to be a 'normal' conversation!
And just know this. I repeat this saying everyday:
"What other people think of me is none of my business." (applying that saying to me and my daughter)
But if some dimwit is going to talk badly about my daughter who, at the young age of 20, realized she has a problem and is doing something about it.....well, you moms know that might be just cause to punch someone's lights out!...(*smiling but ready to say "You want a piece of this?"*)
Honestly, normally I'm the most NON-confrontational person you'll ever find. But I'm just waiting for some idiot to approach me with a stupid comment or question about her. I want to handle it in the most dignified way possible, (This said by a woman who just said something about punching someone's lights out? I don't think dignified and punching someone's lights out even go in the same sentence...lol.)
Help, please, before I get arrested...
We are now dealing with some of the fall out left behind by our daughter as she has gone to treatment. We are VERY thankful she is in treatment but this fallout crap, well....ya'll know.
I'm weathering it pretty good and just trying not to let myself get bogged down in how aggravated it COULD make me feel. On a scale of 1 - 10 I'm handling it on about a "7" level. So give me a cookie!...
Now here is what I need help with and I'm just going to be so very blunt and speak my mind on this one. (Hey I'm getting close to the age where I can say anything I want anyway, so I figure I'll start now...
) I can't stand IGNORNANT people who love to glory in someone else's problems. They are so sick themselves getting pleasure out of other people's pain. My daughter's problem has been handled pretty discreetly so far, but I have a feeling it's all fixin to hit the fan. And I just happen to live in a small, gossipy town. I HATE, simply HATE the fact that she will be looked down upon because she has a disease. I fear someone is going to confront me on what is going on with her and, with my luck, it will be the stupidest of the stupid confronting me.Surely someone has a fabulously tactful way to deal with these nosey types who don't have a clue. If ya'll don't give me some suggestions, you might read about some middle aged woman in Georgia who has been charged with choking another individual in Wal Mart after what seemed to be a 'normal' conversation!
And just know this. I repeat this saying everyday:
"What other people think of me is none of my business." (applying that saying to me and my daughter)
But if some dimwit is going to talk badly about my daughter who, at the young age of 20, realized she has a problem and is doing something about it.....well, you moms know that might be just cause to punch someone's lights out!...(*smiling but ready to say "You want a piece of this?"*)
Honestly, normally I'm the most NON-confrontational person you'll ever find. But I'm just waiting for some idiot to approach me with a stupid comment or question about her. I want to handle it in the most dignified way possible, (This said by a woman who just said something about punching someone's lights out? I don't think dignified and punching someone's lights out even go in the same sentence...lol.)
Help, please, before I get arrested...
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Hangin'
Some things are just nobody else's business. If your daughter wants to share with them, fine, but other than that it is gossip, snooping, or badly phrased concern.
When people ask me how my son is doing, I reply "The best he can". Same answer whether he is using or clean.
When they push for more details - "It's just too personal to talk about right now".
Or at work or anyplace where they really don't know about my son, but might ask "does he work?" or "is he married" or "does he have children" - these are normal questions for normal people, so I take no offence that they ask, but my reply would be something like "my son is going through a tough time right now and trying to address some serious issues" and if they ask for more details, I go back to the "It's really too personal to talk about right now".
You know the questions better than I do, just think about them and plan your reply.
Keep some old standby's for when you are caught off guard..."It's too painful to talk about", or "It's not for me to discuss", or "mind your own business you old bat"....oops, did I say that?
Some things are just nobody else's business. If your daughter wants to share with them, fine, but other than that it is gossip, snooping, or badly phrased concern.
When people ask me how my son is doing, I reply "The best he can". Same answer whether he is using or clean.
When they push for more details - "It's just too personal to talk about right now".
Or at work or anyplace where they really don't know about my son, but might ask "does he work?" or "is he married" or "does he have children" - these are normal questions for normal people, so I take no offence that they ask, but my reply would be something like "my son is going through a tough time right now and trying to address some serious issues" and if they ask for more details, I go back to the "It's really too personal to talk about right now".
You know the questions better than I do, just think about them and plan your reply.
Keep some old standby's for when you are caught off guard..."It's too painful to talk about", or "It's not for me to discuss", or "mind your own business you old bat"....oops, did I say that?
Member
Join Date: May 2002
Location: San diego, CA, USA
Posts: 86
Hangin... in.. I love your posts.. they always make me smile...
As for me... I never cared what anyone ever thought... I got to a point where I would start being honest with people... I mean you would be surprised by what they already know...
Turned out.. People were much more supportive than I thought... There were a few that gossip and talked bad about my hubby and I, and then turned around and were friends with us... but those people that talk bad only made themselves look worse... and only talked bad because it made them feel better...
I don't know if you read the bible or not but it says...
Matthew 7:1
"Do not judge, or you too will be judged.
If that makes you feel any better ... I say hey let them talk!!!!
Love Clowie
As for me... I never cared what anyone ever thought... I got to a point where I would start being honest with people... I mean you would be surprised by what they already know...
Turned out.. People were much more supportive than I thought... There were a few that gossip and talked bad about my hubby and I, and then turned around and were friends with us... but those people that talk bad only made themselves look worse... and only talked bad because it made them feel better...
I don't know if you read the bible or not but it says...
Matthew 7:1
"Do not judge, or you too will be judged.
If that makes you feel any better ... I say hey let them talk!!!!
Love Clowie
I used to work here ;)
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: I live in Trevose, PA & collect Barbies :)
Posts: 2,024
My standard reply lately is "It's a long story and I really don't want to talk about it". I feel like making a recording for work and of course my neighbors are going to gossip no matter what the situation is and that could be why I don't talk to them at all unless I need to.
I guess I could just be blunt and say, "It's none of your bleeping business." lol
You have every right not to talk about things too personal.
Many hugs,
Debbie
PS You could make up a pretty elaborate fabrication if you want to though.......interesting.......I should have thought of that sooner
I guess I could just be blunt and say, "It's none of your bleeping business." lol
You have every right not to talk about things too personal.
Many hugs,
Debbie
PS You could make up a pretty elaborate fabrication if you want to though.......interesting.......I should have thought of that sooner
Member
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: California
Posts: 329
Hi Hangin!
Sending you a big hug ****** Hangin'In}}} !!!!!
There is no way you want to get arrested because they don't have good cookies.Ha Ha, just kidding.
The perfect way is to answer with a question. That will usually throw them off. Is it any of your bees wax??
Prayers and hugs,
matters
Sending you a big hug ****** Hangin'In}}} !!!!!
There is no way you want to get arrested because they don't have good cookies.Ha Ha, just kidding.
The perfect way is to answer with a question. That will usually throw them off. Is it any of your bees wax??
Prayers and hugs,
matters
Member
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: That's what I'd like to know.
Posts: 2,416
"Now where in the world did you get an idea like that?"
(if they won't say.... guess)
"I'll bet it was Mildred." (watch for the eyelid flicker... no flicker try Harriet or Naomi.)
"I thought so. Naomi says the darndest things and Mildred and Harriet always fall for it. Y'know... when she told me about you being arrested for shoplifting I started being suspicious of her information. Has Vernon Hardankle really been in for electric shock therapy this month? See, I thought not. What about Jerry and Louise's kid and the three abortions? No? Well I guess we can just forget about the Finklestein's bankruptcy, then. She said your arraignment is on... Helen where are you going? IF YOU SEE NAOMI TELL HER I NEED MY 50 BUCKS!!!!"
(if they won't say.... guess)
"I'll bet it was Mildred." (watch for the eyelid flicker... no flicker try Harriet or Naomi.)
"I thought so. Naomi says the darndest things and Mildred and Harriet always fall for it. Y'know... when she told me about you being arrested for shoplifting I started being suspicious of her information. Has Vernon Hardankle really been in for electric shock therapy this month? See, I thought not. What about Jerry and Louise's kid and the three abortions? No? Well I guess we can just forget about the Finklestein's bankruptcy, then. She said your arraignment is on... Helen where are you going? IF YOU SEE NAOMI TELL HER I NEED MY 50 BUCKS!!!!"
Member
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Ohio
Posts: 444
Hangin' in:
I, like Matters, like to answer with a question. But no matter what the situation, whether it's confrontational or not, I ask the same question, and it seems to work for me...... "Why do you ask?" This done with a big smile on your face. You will know quickly enough if the reason for them asking is truly concern or just wanting to gossip. If it's gossip.... "Well, I heard... yack, yack, yack....." I'd say well, you should have listened better the first time, because I don't believe in repeating gossip.
Lyn
PS: Smoke..... you make my day!
I, like Matters, like to answer with a question. But no matter what the situation, whether it's confrontational or not, I ask the same question, and it seems to work for me...... "Why do you ask?" This done with a big smile on your face. You will know quickly enough if the reason for them asking is truly concern or just wanting to gossip. If it's gossip.... "Well, I heard... yack, yack, yack....." I'd say well, you should have listened better the first time, because I don't believe in repeating gossip.
Lyn
PS: Smoke..... you make my day!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Raleigh, NC (Jersey Girl transplant)
Posts: 676
Hangin and Smoke,
You have me laughing, almost, and that is quite a feat right now. I think you are wise to prepare a response, that way you are not taken by surprise. I think Anns is right on the money.
You have me laughing, almost, and that is quite a feat right now. I think you are wise to prepare a response, that way you are not taken by surprise. I think Anns is right on the money.
Southern through and through
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: In.....trouble :-)
Posts: 1,453
Thanks, ladies, for your help and input. My response of the last two weeks has gone something like this:
"Oh Hangin' In, how is H______ doing? What's she doing now?"
"Well, I hope she's trying to grow up." (chuckle, chuckle, chuckle as I push my buggy straight toward the junk food aisle. Well heck, I need comfort food...lol.)
Okay so here's my game plan. If some ole bat comes up and starts noseying into my business, I'll make sure I'm holding my pinky out (as if drinking tea properly) before I clean her clock!... (Have ya'll picked up on the fact that I have a tad of Scarlett O'Hara in me? Heck, any respectable southern gal worth her weight in salt won't leave home without a little of Scarlett's attitude!... )
Thanks again, guys. Ya'll truly make my day every day.
P.S. Smokes, Naomi would be terribly insulted if she knew you had talked about her the way you did on this board. I'll make sure I tell her....
"Oh Hangin' In, how is H______ doing? What's she doing now?"
"Well, I hope she's trying to grow up." (chuckle, chuckle, chuckle as I push my buggy straight toward the junk food aisle. Well heck, I need comfort food...lol.)
Okay so here's my game plan. If some ole bat comes up and starts noseying into my business, I'll make sure I'm holding my pinky out (as if drinking tea properly) before I clean her clock!...
(Have ya'll picked up on the fact that I have a tad of Scarlett O'Hara in me? Heck, any respectable southern gal worth her weight in salt won't leave home without a little of Scarlett's attitude!... )Thanks again, guys. Ya'll truly make my day every day.
P.S. Smokes, Naomi would be terribly insulted if she knew you had talked about her the way you did on this board. I'll make sure I tell her....
Southern through and through
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: In.....trouble :-)
Posts: 1,453
Smokes,
I'll remind Naomi. And if I have to put 'a hurtin' on her to get it, I will. But you do know you have to split it with me, right?...
Hangin' In
I'll remind Naomi. And if I have to put 'a hurtin' on her to get it, I will. But you do know you have to split it with me, right?...
Hangin' In
Learning to love life...
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: British Columbia, Canada
Posts: 529
Hi Hangin In,
I too live in a very small town, and deal with the gossipping all the time. But what I have found is that usually other people aren't out to HURT us with what they say... They talk about things that are "out of the norm" because they don't understand, AND because it helps THEM to feel better about themselves.
Also, I deal with it this way... Take every opportunity to tell people the TRUTH about it all. It is so much better when people KNOW and can be of support to you and your daughter. And the ones that don't care enough to find the truth? Those are the ones that can't be of support... and you don't need them.
Anyhow... keep ur chin up.
Meg
I too live in a very small town, and deal with the gossipping all the time. But what I have found is that usually other people aren't out to HURT us with what they say... They talk about things that are "out of the norm" because they don't understand, AND because it helps THEM to feel better about themselves.
Also, I deal with it this way... Take every opportunity to tell people the TRUTH about it all. It is so much better when people KNOW and can be of support to you and your daughter. And the ones that don't care enough to find the truth? Those are the ones that can't be of support... and you don't need them.
Anyhow... keep ur chin up.
Meg
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