georgiapeach07

I Was surfing the web. trying to find information on how to help my husband.And found this forum. So, I Decided to join. I am really at a loss here. Most times, I feel that my nagging him just makes him drink more. He has been drinking for as long as i have known him. thats been 28 years in December. He had joined the Navy and was active duty until 1991. when he got out on a medical discharge for hurting his knee. hes a hard worker. and good man and a loving husband. He started drinking alot hanging out with his brother and friends shortly afterwards. He would go to the river with them. fish and drink. I didn't know how bad it was until I saw a recorded video. It was awful and embarrassing to watch. This is how he acts when drinking around other people or friends. I Tried to get him to "slow down" on the drinking. back then, he wouldn't drink so much during the week. but, he did on weekends. he knows how I feel about it. but, that doesn't matter. A couple months ago, he went to a doctor for a breakout on his ankles and legs. and the doctor had told him that his Liver was 3 times the size it should be. and that he had cirosis. he stopped drinking. completely....for about a week! now hes back to drinking his 6 to 12 pk a day and more on weekends. I hate seeing him kill himself like this. he is not taking this seriously. and it has me worried and at the end of my rope. I don't see how I can just not do or say anything anymore to him. ( Thats what he wants)
its draining me emotionally and him ( Us) financially.
what can I do?

Aysha

Hi Georgia..Glad you found us.
I really dont have anything spectacular to tell you.
All I can say is there really isnt a whole lot you can do to make someone else change or care.
You need to do what you gotta do for you and take care of yourself.
Dont make yourself crazy over somehting that you obviously have no control over.
I know it is hard to just sit by and not be able to do anything.
But the only person who can change your husband is him.
I wish you luck and hope to see more of you.
There will be more along soon to offer better advice than I can,
Take Care.

parentrecovers

nice to meet you, georgia. my daughter is an alcoholic in early recovery - alanon really helps me.

remember this - you didn't cause his addiction. and you can't cure or control it. you do have choices how you allow it to affect you though.

there's a family/friends forum here - be sure to send a word out over there?

it sounds like your husband needs to listen to his doctors and get into recovery. i sure hope he can find his way..but nothing you do is going to convince him i'm afraid.

blessings, k

scarlati

Unfortunately it sounds to me like you might just be along for the ride at this point. That is to say that if he's not interested in making a change I think your hands are tied. I know that's not what you want to hear but...sorry.

Be sure to check out the Friends and Family of Alcoholics section. I don't know if you'll find the advice you're looking for but you will find support from many in your situation.

Good Luck.

Rowan

Hi Georgia,

Although I have no advice, I just wanted to welcome you here, and also to echo others' who have encouraged you to visit the Family and Friends forum.
I hope things work out - it must be heartbreaking.