ConcernedBigSis

Hello All,

I'm not sure where to begin. As some of you predicted AH's drinking got carried away. This happened back in May, after his father passed.
I fell back into my codie ways.. until this weekend. Saturday night we were out at my parents lot at the lake. We got into a fight... I'm now living in our 5th wheel in my parents yard. I've told him what it will take for me to come home- proof that he's trying to get better, counselling, a clean drug test...etc.
So now I'm sitting here wondering... is any of this going to happen? I highly doubt it.
Just taking it one minute at a time right now, thinking it might be the time to divorce... I've wasted 4.5 years already on this and nothing has changed.. but me. I don't want to live this way anymore. I'm getting better.... as he stays the same....

parentrecovers

i've told my daughter before, during her relapses/chaos - just because you don't want to get better today doesn't mean i don't. keep taking care of you. blessings, k

hope213

sis, you will know when the time has come to leave. the old saying goes"nothing changes if nothing changes".you can not change by yourself & hope things get better for you both,it ain't gonna happen. i am saying a prayer for you & him.

marle

Sending some hugs your way. You tried, he didn't. He is not ready to make the changes. Keeping you both in my prayers. Hugs, Marle

liesagain

sorry you are going thru this.................

Lovestoomuch

That sure doesn't mean we weren't praying for you sweetie. I'm so so sorry you're going through this again, but you sound strong. You sound determined. I know you're sad and it's so disappointing, but you're going to make it through this no matter what you decide to do.

We love you to death here, you know that right??

You put it perfectly when you said; "I don't want to live this way anymore. I'm getting better.... as he stays the same...."

You'll know what to do when the time is right. Until then, do the best you can to take care of yourself and find a reason to smile everyday.

greeteachday

I'm so sorry you are going through this, but glad that you are growing and changing. When it is time, you will know. I'm glad you have a safe place to stay. Hugs and prayers

ConcernedBigSis

AH wants to take the trailer so that I have nowhere to stay... I'm not going home.... especially not knowing that nothing has changed. I told him what I want to see happen before I'm willing to even think of going back home, but he has yet to make one attempt. He told me yesterday he was going to make an appointment for a drug test.. to prove to me that he's clean. Came and took the kids to town today... then used that as his excuse.. he said he couldn't go make the appointment when he had the kids with him. He hung around here all day acting like everything was just fine.. like he expects me to come home at any moment.... it's driving me crazy! I just want some space to figure things out for myself, but he wouldn't go away until I told him rather rudely that he was wasting his time hanging around being "mr. nice guy".. just being here isn't proving anything..

splendra

(((((concernedBigSis)))))))))))

You sound really strong...good for you. Don't let him take the trailer away from you. Do whatever it is that will allow you to take care of yourself.

dollydo

Most can straighten up for a brief period of time, but, without a strong recovery program in place, that's all it is, a brief period of time.

When you've had enough, you will know it, everything will fall into place after that, one day at a time.

Take care of yourself, you are all you've got, and we only go through life, once, there are no dress rehersals.

notsleepingwell

It's sooo hard isn't it?! But you sound strong, so just do what you can do, and one day at a time!!!

Praying for you!!

NSW

pjbs55

I'm sorry about what is happening. It just isn't fair that they don't get it.
Take all the time you need for yourself, and if you have to get rude so be it. He will find any reason not to take the test, like picking up the kids and keeping them all day. I was hoping he didn't slip this last time but we know anything can set them off.
You sound strong, take the time you need to figure out what YOU want and do it.
We love you and will support you no matter what you decide to do.
Hugs and prayers coming to you