Cheyne

For anyone who knows . . .

If the A does quit drinking and starts working an AA program, how long does it take for their thinking to start getting more normal?

When I quit smoking it definitely took at least a month for the fog to lift and for me to realize how addicted I really had been. But that was a different substance and I don't know anything first-hand about alcohol.

It's been about 40 days since XABF quit. I have tbeen taking care of myself, spending time at the gym, traveling, seeing friends and family, reading here, couple of casual dates, fixing up my house and discovering all kinds of new interests, books, and generally focusing on me.

However, xABF started calling and sending a few emails about 2 weeks after his quit date.

I still let the calls go to voicemail because that is a line I drew and I am not ready to talk.

His emails talk about going to AA meetings, that he's stopped spending time with drinking buddies, and doing other healthier things. A mutual sober friend has verified that he's going to meetings. xABF's emails also express interest in my life, wishing me a good day, that kind of thing.

It's a little weird for me. If he is turning over a new leaf, I am open to low amounts of contact. Still, I am cautious and wondering how much sober time should be demonstrated before I should take seriously that he's getting sober.

So I was wondering if anyone can tell me . . . When somebody quits drinking, how much sober time does it take for normal thinking and reasoning to start coming back? He has a ways to go because he's not talking about working a program yet, I am interested right now in just the actual reasoning ability. People mention 90 days of sobriety as some sort of benchmark. What happens to the brain at say 30 days, 60 days and 90 days?

Wishing you all the best,

Cheyne

Astro

Days and time mean nothing Cheyne, and although I'd like to say that my thinking and reasoning are crystal clear because I work some sort of stellar program, the fact is I'm only given the proverbial "daily reprieve from my disease based upon my spiritual condition". Some days I feel like I relapse spiritually and my actions definitely don't reflect that I'm practicing the principles I've learned in AA.

OK, so let's say that a year should be enough time for the fog to lift and I've worked through the 12 Steps once and continue to practice them on a daily basis. Still, we close every meeting with the words "it works if you work it". For my reasoning to be fairly normal I need to be working my program pretty hard, I need to be vigilant about my sobriety and my actions.

best

The moment I made my choice to stop was the moment it happened.
Other changes that needed be took some time. The intake of alcohol was only part of the problem.
I say actions over time. 90 days of proper actions is a start. A full year is a real good example of changes being shown. Proper actions...with progresss continueing are what you need be looking for.
I can fake it for a few weeks, maybe even a few months... if I try to fake it, over a longer time, my actions will show the truth.

hbb

In my experience, i would wait and not give in, my Xrabf was worse at 6 months sober, total fog, guilt, remorse, broke up with me, i've heard a good year but my x is probably not as dedicated as most like Best and some others. Just my opinion, if you have boundaries you are soooo LUCKY, wish i had done that much sooner. Take care!

heather

Jazzman

I saw some educational material on addiction that explained how it can take up to six months for the brain chemistry to return to normal serotonin and dopamine levels after abstinence from alcohol. The length of time can vary greatly from drug to drug. This helped me to understand a lot of the odd behavior I had witnessed.

Think about it, first one has to overcome the physical effects of addiction then the psychological and emotional effects of addiction. Almost insurmountable for many and why it's such a long road to recovery.

parentrecovers

it's progress, not perfection. blessings, k

cagefree

I can only speak from my experience with my XABF.

I think it's comes down to any change you make about yourself - do you want to really change yourself or BS your way through for someother reason.

Will he white-knuckle it to get back in your good graces, or make a complete and altering lifestyle change?

I watched my X become a mess when he started having to deal with emotions for the first time since his early teens. To this day he still displays a blatant disregard for me or my wishes of no contact (that he originally asked for!). He completed 90 in 90 in Jan and has a counselor and a sponsor...I believe he is still going to meetings as I saw his car headed from that direction the other day...it's not for me to judge and I've given up on wondering (3 C's) and am thinking about restraining order if he keeps calling.

It will be 1 year in recovery for him in October, but he considers his recovery birthdate to be the last time he drank...actually, taking a sip is okay in his book...so it would be the last time he got drunk - July 06. It's very sad.

There are some A's in recovery with less time that I sense more personal growth...but who the heck am I to judge the degree of work someone has to do? I've got enough codie recovery to take up my thinking time

GlassPrisoner

This.

If he is working a program, they say no major life changes (if you can help it) for a year. In general, I think a year would be a good sign that he's making a complete and altering lifestyle change.

Pick-a-name

I think in times of stress and duress,we all tend to revert back to what we know; kind of "Auto-pilot". I think that is why each of us needs time to learn and then form new healthy habits in our recovery until they become second-nature instead of the old ways. Probably why a time apart (at least detatched,if not physically separate) to heal (for both person) is necessary for there to be a chance for success together. JMHO

harleygirl92156

I saw a major change in my AH at around 9 months and continued growth and change since then.

I think each person is different and it depends on a lot of different factors, so basically there really is no set time frame for what your asking. All I can say is if he is working a good program, you will be able to tell when the change comes, and it is truely a miracle!

Mr. Christian

Try ONE year.

fluffyflea

Actions speak louder than words.

Give at least one year of CONSISTENT action.


Earthworm

elizabeth1979

Something that strikes me when I read this is my own history.
I lived with the ramifications of ones drinking for years. So, would it be realistic to expect my brain, heart, and emotions to heal from that in..say 30 days?

It takes time to build the wall and time to take it down.

baggervance

I think I had more at one year than at 3. I can remember sitting in a meeting and sayin I was one of the few people who come into this program and just get it.Talk about full of yourself, and man did I get it.I think 9 mos on if you keep on a good program but no matter how long you got it is still there waiting for you growing the whole time.It is not like you got 76 days and if you make 90 presto. you got to keep going and working or at leasy I do.