Today is a new beginning.
Looking For Myself...Sober
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
Today is a new beginning.
Thank you to the ones who thought of me while I was "MIA" the past couple days.
I am not going to get into the hows and whys.
All that matters is that today starts the beginning of new day and a new chance at getting myself together.
After today it is all or nothing.
There is no more room for errors or slips.
I needed a couple days to just really think and look around and see what my life has become.
It is $hit and out of control.
I have been fooling myself and my family long enough.
I seriously have had it.
Today I officially got my job that I have been waiting months for.
I go out of town tomorrow for 10 days of training.
I come back Aug 2nd and our store opens the 6th.
I came clean and told my boss about all my past problems and she has faith and believes I will make it and is willing to give me a chance still.
So I guess this may very well be my final chance of luck.
I cant take looking at my grams disappointment and worry anymore.
My family is distancing a little. I hate that.
I dont blame them.
So it is now time for me to snap out of it. Quit feeling sorry for myself and do this already.
I am not crazy...I am not hopeless..I am not going to play a victim ...I am not going to let my life go without a fight anymore!!!
I apologised to who I thought I should have for my past behavior.
And to anyone I may have forgotten I am sorry if I offended..insulted..made you feel uncomfortable in any way.
Please know that is not me.
I love this board and everyone here.
I am taking back control today.
I do plan on going to meetings when I return from training.
AA...NA...AAA<<<(Joke)..I dont care what it is...I am going.
Thanks again to all of you for putting up with my insanity.
I am not going to get into the hows and whys.
All that matters is that today starts the beginning of new day and a new chance at getting myself together.
After today it is all or nothing.
There is no more room for errors or slips.
I needed a couple days to just really think and look around and see what my life has become.
It is $hit and out of control.
I have been fooling myself and my family long enough.
I seriously have had it.
Today I officially got my job that I have been waiting months for.
I go out of town tomorrow for 10 days of training.
I come back Aug 2nd and our store opens the 6th.
I came clean and told my boss about all my past problems and she has faith and believes I will make it and is willing to give me a chance still.
So I guess this may very well be my final chance of luck.
I cant take looking at my grams disappointment and worry anymore.
My family is distancing a little. I hate that.
I dont blame them.
So it is now time for me to snap out of it. Quit feeling sorry for myself and do this already.
I am not crazy...I am not hopeless..I am not going to play a victim ...I am not going to let my life go without a fight anymore!!!
I apologised to who I thought I should have for my past behavior.
And to anyone I may have forgotten I am sorry if I offended..insulted..made you feel uncomfortable in any way.
Please know that is not me.
I love this board and everyone here.
I am taking back control today.
I do plan on going to meetings when I return from training.
AA...NA...AAA<<<(Joke)..I dont care what it is...I am going.
Thanks again to all of you for putting up with my insanity.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Scottsdale, AZ, one big happy dysfunctional family!
Posts: 23,047
Originally Posted by chiynita 
I do plan on going to meetings when I return from training. AA...NA...AAA<<<(Joke)..I dont care what it is...I am going.
Congrats on your new job! You're doing great girl!
Old & Sober Member of AA
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Nursing Home in Brick, New Jersey
Posts: 5,174
Originally Posted by Astro
Hey chiy, how about going to meetings while you're out of town? There are AA meetings everywhere, at all times of the day.
Congrats on your new job! You're doing great girl!
Congrats on your new job! You're doing great girl!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 12,136
Hey Trish,
I hope the training goes well - I'm sure your days will be pretty full. Do you have any meditation type books on recovery? I would suggest grabbing one and tucking it in your bag - that and a journal would be good. Even a few minutes a day would be good - do your best to keep your recovery at the forefront, and know that I will be thinking of you. Make sure you check in when you get back.
Rowan xoxo
p.s. You sound great
I hope the training goes well - I'm sure your days will be pretty full. Do you have any meditation type books on recovery? I would suggest grabbing one and tucking it in your bag - that and a journal would be good. Even a few minutes a day would be good - do your best to keep your recovery at the forefront, and know that I will be thinking of you. Make sure you check in when you get back.
Rowan xoxo
p.s. You sound great
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: wherever my feet take me
Posts: 1,314
Chiy I am so with you. Im starting new again today also. I was going to post, but you pretty much said it all.
Ok we both think pur lives have become ****, but it is time for us to change right!
were both on day one together lets see if we can hold each other up this time and fight this demon.
Good luck at training and try to stay in touch while your away. If you cant, make sure you check in as soon as you can.
Always thinking about you!!
Ok we both think pur lives have become ****, but it is time for us to change right!
were both on day one together lets see if we can hold each other up this time and fight this demon.
Good luck at training and try to stay in touch while your away. If you cant, make sure you check in as soon as you can.
Always thinking about you!!
Looking For Myself...Sober
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
I hear what you are saying about meetings out of town. But believe me...I will be very busy and in the middle of nowhere the whole time. The hotel is right across the street from the job so I wont be going far while I am there.
Definately going to get it going when I get back because I know I will need them. Especially now that I will have a steady income again.
Big trigger..That dam money that we all need so much to survive is also the thing that kills me.
I have my crackbusters workbook i printed and chicken soup for the recovering soul book. A few others I Have had for so many years and never even cracked them. I will be taking every one of them with me.
I wont have internet while I am gone. But most definately will be checking in when I get back.
i got alot done just in the past few hours.
Things I have put off because I was too busy being mental and high to take care of.
Thanks to my angel..my grams...I have gotten them taken care of today.
Simple things like renewing my registration on my truck...inspections and just easy things I have put off.
I am back on track with yet another free pass and chance at getting it right.
I know this will be my last so I need to make it happen.
Beth....I am always here for you....And YES!!! WE WILL BEAT THIS!!!
Stay strong my recovering sister....we are worth so much better than this.
Definately going to get it going when I get back because I know I will need them. Especially now that I will have a steady income again.
Big trigger..That dam money that we all need so much to survive is also the thing that kills me.
I have my crackbusters workbook i printed and chicken soup for the recovering soul book. A few others I Have had for so many years and never even cracked them. I will be taking every one of them with me.
I wont have internet while I am gone. But most definately will be checking in when I get back.
i got alot done just in the past few hours.
Things I have put off because I was too busy being mental and high to take care of.
Thanks to my angel..my grams...I have gotten them taken care of today.
Simple things like renewing my registration on my truck...inspections and just easy things I have put off.
I am back on track with yet another free pass and chance at getting it right.
I know this will be my last so I need to make it happen.
Beth....I am always here for you....And YES!!! WE WILL BEAT THIS!!!
Stay strong my recovering sister....we are worth so much better than this.
everything is already ok
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Melbourne Victoria Australia
Posts: 19,793
hi chiy, as an addict I am never to busy to enterain my addiction, the voices in my head. I keep it quiet using the tools of NA. Instead of using or going insane go to meetings from today onward and reach out to people out there as well as in here. As Carol says; SR is a great supplement to my recovery, but no substitute for f2f recovery.
Kevin
Kevin
Last edited by nogard; 07-23-2007 at 04:56 PM.
Looking For Myself...Sober
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
Yea..I am finding that out the hard way.
I am thick headed and there is a reason why all of you keep telling me that. And obviously it works for all of you who say it to me.
Sometimes I need a kick right in the A$$ to wake me up.
I will be coming home the day before my birthday...So my present to myself will be my first ever meeting on my 32nd b day.
I already know where the AA meetings are and I still cant figure out what happened to that NA meeting. No matter..meeting is a meeting like you all said.
I have to give it a try..I bet a big ole light bulb will turn on over my head once I get my butt there and see what it is you all keep talking about.
I am thick headed and there is a reason why all of you keep telling me that. And obviously it works for all of you who say it to me.
Sometimes I need a kick right in the A$$ to wake me up.
I will be coming home the day before my birthday...So my present to myself will be my first ever meeting on my 32nd b day.
I already know where the AA meetings are and I still cant figure out what happened to that NA meeting. No matter..meeting is a meeting like you all said.
I have to give it a try..I bet a big ole light bulb will turn on over my head once I get my butt there and see what it is you all keep talking about.
Looking For Myself...Sober
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
I know what you meant and I know sounds like an excuse..but I have too much to do to get ready to leave and it is going to be a very long day tomorrow. I want my full attention on the meeting when I do go. I am already nervous about going in the first place and the job too. so I would rather wait til I am home and go to it when my mind is fully ready to soak it in.
everything is already ok
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Melbourne Victoria Australia
Posts: 19,793
I have a life today because of my HP and recovery. Whatever I put before my recovery I loose, it must come first.
Sure your nervous, thats ok, don it anyway, take that step toward a better life.
Kevin
Sure your nervous, thats ok, don it anyway, take that step toward a better life.
Kevin
Seems darkest before dawn...
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