suzieq1972

This is the first time I've posted here. I've read alot of interesting things. Some have made me laugh, some have made me cry, but I've learned a lot.

My AH hasn't been home (except when I'm not there). Claims he's too ashamed about the things he's done (yeah right). Never calls me and doesn't return the few calls I've made to him. So then he calls me at work this morning begging for $20 so he can buy lunch while he's working today (he just started a new job working with a friend). I told him "no" because I didn't have the money (he knows my paychecks don't cover the bills). So he said he would just take the money out of the equity line. Of course we can't afford that so I broke down and gave him the $20. And now I'm angry at him for making me feel like I needed to give him the money and I'm angry at myself for giving him the money.

Oh yeah, and he told me I was his "fixer"...gee he did learn something for the 2 weeks he was in rehab. I told him I wasn't doing it any more, but there I went giving him the money. I'm such a good codie.

best

Welcome Suzieq

Two thoughts that came to me...
Close the equity line so that money can't be taken from it.
Peanutbutter and jelly and $1 for a soda.

hope213

welcome susieq, i am glad you are here with us.there is alot of info here.our recovery is not done over nite.,it takes alot of work.do not beat yourself up because you gave him the money. i hate he is doing this to you but with recovery you will be ok.keep reading around & read the stickys at the top of the forum.read what addicts do.there is alot of caring people here.keep coming back.i will say a prayer for you & hubby.hugs,hope

laketime

I Agree With Hope, Don't Beat Yourself Up Over Being The Fixer. IM Guessing It Isnt The First Time And Like Every Other Single Person On This Board It Wont Be Your Last. But If We Continue To Work And Most Importantly Believe In Our Program Of Recovery We Will Have Our Last Time One Day. My Addict Is My 20 Year Old Son, Im A Terrible Codie. But Im Better Than I Was, At Least I Know When Im Going To Screw Up Now. As Big Sis Always Says On Here And Is Something I Repeat To Myself A Lot Is "my Emotional Learning Is Not The Same As My Intellectual Learning. The First Lags Behind The Other. So We All Do What WE Can Live With. My As Has Been Using For 5 Years, So I Can Live With A Lot More Than I Used To. Im Better But Im Not There Yet. However, A Lot Of People On This Board Are "there". Listen To What They Have To Say, They Know How To Get Well And Stay Well.

Wascally Wabbit

Why is it that addicts avoid us because they are "ashamed", but aren't the least bit ashamed when it comes to asking for money? It's like they have a memory lapse.
One thing I learned is not to give money. It just gets gone! It's harder to make than it is to spend. So, I put money away for myself because I wasn't about to get caught pennyless if anything really bad happened.

Im glad you found us. It's a wonderful place full of great people! Now, you're one of us.

krhea75

Welcome, susieq, i understand the need to take care of our loved ones, but I agree with the above said. Close the account and brown bag it. Giving them money is like asking them to buy drugs.
krhea