lostnfound1961

This weekend I watched a tv show about Rock star wifes. One ove the topics was drugs and alcohol. All of the rock stars on the show has since stopped drinking but what I found most interesting was to hear some of the things they said. Alice Cooper talked about how he was throwing up blood on a daily basis and anther said his pacriace basicly blew up. As we all know this is just a bunch of hand picked people who made the change and there are so meny who don't make it back from that path. It was cool to hear Alice Cooper talkinga about how he had been clean for over 23 years and how he still go's to meetings.

So.... I told my husband about it and that did not impress him. He just went on to talking about the next thing. Then last night cops is on and there is this couple who are drunk (well he was for sure) and she has scraches on her arm and they take him away for domestic abuse. My husband got all p*ssed off and starts talking to the TV (btw he is drunk) he is calling her a bi*ch and saying how unfair it is that this guy is taking the fall for her. All I am thinking is well..... thats what he gets for what he did.

Well.. I hope everyone had a good weekend. Mine was not so good but not nearly as bad as it has been at times.
D

Barbara52

I remember my AH changing the channel any time anything approaching uncomfortable (for him) came on. I tried to get him to watch an episode of Intervention once. He just left the room.

aasharon90

I remember as a child i use to sit up nights with
my mom watching movies about abuse and
alcoholism.

Mommie Dearest is just one of
many that come to mind right now.....


There were many times as we watched
that movie that it would hit a nerve
with how my mom would be when drinking
...how much it hurt me each time she
struck me while under the influence of
medication and alcohol.

It was like each time we watched it together, I
wanted to yell out...."SEE WHAT YOUR DRINKING
DOES TO YOU AND ME. YOU ARE HURTING ME EACH
TIME U DRINK. YOU ARE A KIND LOVIN MOM WHEN
U R NOT DRINKING, SO WHY DONT U STOP."

It wouldnt have help because when someone is under
the influence u cant reason with them.

So yrs passed and when my family stepped in to
do for me what i couldnt do for myself i learned
about the disease of alcoholism when i spent 28
days in rehab.

Until i admitted complete defeat and that i was
powerless over alcohol, that only did the
wreckage of my past become clearer to me....

No i cant change the past, but i can make each
and everyday from now one the best i can....

Alcoholism is a disease....and there are ways to
deal with my disease...and for me it is practicing
the 12 step principles of my AA recovery ODAAT.

ONE DAY AT A TIME.

Thanks for letting me share.

lostnfound1961

It's funny how you can fined your self loving someone so much even though they treat you badly. My mom didn't hit me, She saved that for my brother, He is ******** and was the easy target. He took beatings for all of us, Yet he was closer to mom than anyone. In my case she hardly noticed I was there untell she got drunk and I would put her to bed. Then I became her little baby. Oh she would cry and hold me and tell me not to cry too. (how do you not) She would tell me how beautiful I was and how smart and funny. She would say I was outgoing and talented. In the end.... It left me unable to beleive anyone if they said those things about me. I know how I look and who I am but yet.....I doubt my judgement a lot. I may wake up and look in the mirror thinking, You look good today. I feel happy and things are good but the moment something goes wrong..... I don't see that person any more. I see the tired lines in my face, The sadness in my eyes, the froun lines.
I know what is happening but I just can't stop what I feel and what it makes me see.

aasharon90

Lost im not familiar with ur story....

In my case my husband was the "normie"
in our marriage...he didnt have a drinking
problem like i.....in fact i didnt think i
had one either...till strange things began
to happen...

Like wanting to escape to the club to be with
those that drank like i....of course my excuse
was that i needed a break from motherhood...

Right...

There wasnt any abuse in my marriage ....which
I am totally greatful for....I swore to my husband
that if i ever hurt my kids like my mom did
to me then i wanted him to take them as far
away from me as possible....

Anyway,,,,

As of 8-11-90 I havent had a drink of alcohol
for a many one days at a time....

Today i share what it was like when i was drinking
what happened and what it is like now with those
in recovery....sharing my experiences, strengths
and hope with others is my way of staying sober
each day....

Share a little about ur ESH with us and me so that
we can better get to know u....it allows of u to
get out of urself and problems and help others
when u least expect it....

Hi Im Sharon and Im an Alcoholic.

lostnfound1961

Hi Sharon, I too am an alcoholic but have not had a drink since 05/06/06. I liked what you said about your kids. My choice was to never have any. From as far back as I rememer I knew I should not have any. I knew I was going to drink and turn into my mom and I didn't want any child to feel the way I felt as a kid. I remember in my teens and early twenty's, thinking how I wasn't going to rune my life by having a brood of brats. I wasn't going to get STUCK with kids.

I have a sister who is two years older than me who is a GREAT mom. She is not perfect but does her level best to bring up her kids to be the best people they can be. I remember her telling me how I was going to miss out if I didn't have kids. How she loved being a mom.

What I know today is, yes I missed out on something that might have been life changing, but I also know if I had not changed my ways YEARS ago..... I would have some sad adult kids today. Funny thing is the clock is ticking down and It is sad to realize I will never hear anyone say (I love you mommy)

But... I would rather miss that than pass on the pain.
D

aasharon90

Thanks lost for sharing that little bit with me and others....

And you know what....u r never alone in ur thoughts and
feelings because there r countless others that feel and
think just as we do,,,,,

Congrats on ur sober time... that a number of yrs sober
collected to get u were u r today.....

In ur first post u talked about ur spouse maybe not
hearin what u wanted him to hear. Is that right?

Do u want him to acknoledge ur recovery or what drinking
does to people?

I was married 25 yrs but now im separated.......nothing legal
just yet.....anyway...at 7 yrs marriage that was when i
was sent to rehab....so my spouse has lived with me as a
practicing alcoholic and the latter part in recovery.

I so wanted my little family to understand me and my
recovery.....the more i fouht trying to explain it the
more frustrated i got,,,,

That is where i learned one of our wonderful recovery
principles....to ACCEPT PEOPLE PLACES AND THINGS JUST
AS THEY ARE....We cannot change anything or anyone on
our own.....

So as soon as i ot sick and tired of running into the brick
wall with trying to run life my own way....i surrendered...

Ok....il will end here for a moment to go to my noon meeting.
Feel free to continue to share as others may pop in and ill return
later for more ESH.