spedteach

Okay, let's start a new thread for those of us that are new and still working on dealing with an active user, myself included, what is the best coping technique you use when your A is drinking/drunk? Or did you use if they are sober? I'd like to learn what others do...

Here's what I do...I DO NOT respond to him when he's trying to pick a fight..he tries HARD to get me to argue with him and I don't buy into it anymore! Also, I leave the house, even if it's just to the park with our son or to the mall if its during the day. If it's a night, I go into bed and watch tv. 90% of the time though, he takes off to his mom's house...so I get to have peace and they get to deal with him drunk Since she enables him so much, let her deal with him right?? hee hee..not nice!

Okay, what does everyone else do???

lyn_blossom78

From experience, I try to go somewhere where he isn't. He will pick a fight, if he can see me. If I go to bed, he will be joining me, and will try to pick a fight. So, I pretend to be asleep in my recliner, if I'm not already asleep. If I am, he usually wakes me up with his "noises".

I can't really leave the house, because I have 4 teenagers still at home, and I will protect them, if I have to.

I know this all seems like the cowards way out, or something, but it's a darn sight better than I was a year ago--hiding in my foyer under my carousel horse, shaking like a leaf. I won't say I don't shake, but it's better.

Hope someone has better answers.

Lyn

2many2count

Hey Y'all.
This is tough..... I guess my best coping techique is that I try to forget that he even exists in the house. I let him roam as he will. I stay busy doing something where he can't interupt me. If and when he does say something "smart" I mean DUMB then I turn to him with my beady eyes and then I walk away not saying anything. He knows by my look where I stand. Sometimes he follows me and then I just go another way and avoid him completely. I drives him crazy but hey who started this madness anyway


Hugs,
2many2count

EmotionalMeg

When my A was an active drinker, I used to practice NOT reacting. I too would leave the house with my kids. I made a boundary a long time ago that there was to be NO alcohol in the house whatsoever. This also meant that he could not be here if he had already consumed. So, for the past few months of his "active" using, I never saw him under the influence... worked great for me. However, when he WAS using, he would be gone for 2-3 days at a time, and I had to figure out what to do with my emotions while he was gone. I would usually take the opportunity to go somewhere fun with the kids, treat myself to something speacial, and enjoy MY music, MY TV, MY alone time. It was harder than it seems.
Meg

countrygirl

I am kind of new, too, but I'll put in my 2 cents, just about the same as the others.

Leaving would be okay but I personally don't want to leave, this is my home and I'm sticking to it, besides it is safer if one sensible person is around.

I enjoy what I can with him, if it stops being enjoyable / trouble coming I vacate to another activity or room or I have even gone down to work on the basement. If he follows, I come back up. He gets tired of going up and down the stairs, ha. You could go outside and weed gardens. Usually something will eventually distract him. Like - turn on a John Wayne movie and he forgets all about it and starts watching TV.

I have a lot of hobbies and plenty to do and rather like time to myself.

If I just plain can't avoid trouble, I try to just shut up and wait until he runs out of steam. Hard to fight by yourself. I pick my battles and don't fight back unless it is something really important. There is no winning anyway because you are dealing with an unreasonable person. Why waste your time and emotions?

Yeah, sometimes I can't help but get angry or hurt, I just go off by myself and think really evil things (think them, don't say them) and after a while I feel better.

I know it doesn't seem fair but to me, it is about having the best life I can under the circumstances. That means take what pleasure there is and let the rest wash on by. I am still learning, for sure.

constant

Yep, I am a keep busy, avoid person too. I used to confront and attack, but I discovered that didn't work and usually made things worse. Now I just let him go....I don't call, don't look, don't check with friends, if he's here he usually stays downstairs and I stay up. The only time I run any interferance is if the kids are down with him and don't need to be. Although now he doesn't put up a battle and tells them to do what I say. There was a time when that too would be a fight, but it seems to have passed.

There has been an occasion in the past when I have had to pack the kids in the middle of the night and leave before he knew it. We were somewhere else and I left him with no way home, but it was for our safety and sanity that night. I think different situations call for various reactions sometimes no reaction works best. It all takes practice, like anything else, you gotta practice to be any good at it.

Constant