Hi, I'm new
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: ca
Posts: 6
Hi, I'm new
Hope I'm doing this right--sorry if I don't.
I’m new and don’t know if this will help but willing to give it a try.
My sister is an addict. From what I’ve been told and her appearance
she’s on meth and has been for about 10 years. We’ve been living on opposite coasts many years but now she’s on her way out here.
Her son wants her to live with him and his wife and baby. The son, it seems, is complete denial. In fact, both of her sons think all she needs is to be near family and away from her old friends she’ll be okay. I think no matter where she goes she will find the same kind of people. For the past couple of years she’s been basically homeless. I know all of this doesn’t sound like MY problem but she is my sister I love her. If I had money I’d do an intervention but no one in this family has money for something like that. What do people do when there is no money for treatment and/or intervention???
Thanks for any suggestions.
I’m new and don’t know if this will help but willing to give it a try.
My sister is an addict. From what I’ve been told and her appearance
she’s on meth and has been for about 10 years. We’ve been living on opposite coasts many years but now she’s on her way out here.
Her son wants her to live with him and his wife and baby. The son, it seems, is complete denial. In fact, both of her sons think all she needs is to be near family and away from her old friends she’ll be okay. I think no matter where she goes she will find the same kind of people. For the past couple of years she’s been basically homeless. I know all of this doesn’t sound like MY problem but she is my sister I love her. If I had money I’d do an intervention but no one in this family has money for something like that. What do people do when there is no money for treatment and/or intervention???
Thanks for any suggestions.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: twilight zone,usa
Posts: 3,909
sister1, welcome to S.R.... i wish i could give you real words of comfort but all i can do is lay the real truth on you & that is nobody can help your sister if she is not willing & ready for help.there are free rehabs that will take her.there is alot of information here on our site.read all the stickys at the top of our forum.read "what addicts do",read all the post.the 3c's here are you did not CAUSE IT, you can not CONTROL it,& you can not CURE it. it is all up to your sister.maybe her coming out there she is ready for help, i sure hope so.living with an addict is a long, hard road.introduce her sons to S.R. they need to know what they can do to help themselves. she has got to hit a bottom before she will get better.i am saying a prayers for her,her children & you too.keep coming back.
Or However You Spell It....
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Safe
Posts: 4,264
Welcome to SR sister1.
I wish I had some advice on the no money thing. My exabf never went in for any type of treatment.
It's my opinion though that you could still do an intervention of your own. Get as many family and friends together who are willing to help and sit her down and try to talk to her. Inevitably the decision will be hers and hers alone to make. She has to want to get better. She has to be willing to get treatment.
I've heard that the Salvation Army has a really good program for addicts who want to recover. I don't think it costs anything so you might want to check into that or other programs like it. They're out there.
I hope you stick around and read the stickies at the top of this page. There's great comfort here as everyone is walking together in this. You're not alone.
Hugs
Kris
I wish I had some advice on the no money thing. My exabf never went in for any type of treatment.
It's my opinion though that you could still do an intervention of your own. Get as many family and friends together who are willing to help and sit her down and try to talk to her. Inevitably the decision will be hers and hers alone to make. She has to want to get better. She has to be willing to get treatment.
I've heard that the Salvation Army has a really good program for addicts who want to recover. I don't think it costs anything so you might want to check into that or other programs like it. They're out there.
I hope you stick around and read the stickies at the top of this page. There's great comfort here as everyone is walking together in this. You're not alone.
Hugs
Kris
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: East Tawas, MI
Posts: 3,683
An intervention is not a cure. It is only a chance. You could spend thousands and unless the addict really wants help, nothing will change. On the other hand if the addict really wants to change, there is lots of help that does not cost a penny. Referring to NA and AA. She has to be ready and willing. Make sure that the love you feel for your sister does not make you feel that you have to take care of her. That is one thing that really does not help an addict. Taking care of you is important. Hugs, Marle
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I want to welcome you also, sister, and truly hope that she is willing to find the help she so desperately needs.
Many addicts get clean without programs, although personally I'm not sure how, but they do. Many others find help through AA and NA and with this support in place manage to stay clean.
Rehabs are good too, but not necessary to everyone. I know the Salvation Army program is very good and it costs nothing.
Hope you'll stick around and meet others who, like you, have felt the pain of watching someone we love destroy themselves.
Hugs
Many addicts get clean without programs, although personally I'm not sure how, but they do. Many others find help through AA and NA and with this support in place manage to stay clean.
Rehabs are good too, but not necessary to everyone. I know the Salvation Army program is very good and it costs nothing.
Hope you'll stick around and meet others who, like you, have felt the pain of watching someone we love destroy themselves.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: My House
Posts: 1,122
Sis,
Welcome to sr. In some regards, you sound just like me a few months ago... my sister is a recovering heroin addict. I was so torn over her problems, and no matter how much anyone tried to tell me to let go, that they weren't my problems, I couldn't do it. I felt like I was somehow being a bad sister if I didn't make her problems my problems. What I have learned from all of this is that I am actually being a better sister if I support her through the good times and give her space during the bad. Not abandon her, but distance myself just enough to keep my own sanity. After all, what good am I to her if I don't have my own head on straight?
The best resource I have found is going to Naranon and Alanon meetings. They are designed for the family and friends of addicts, and either one will work, as the addictions tend to work pretty much the same way, regardless of which addiction it is. There I have found others that can relate to my struggles. You might even find others in your area that have had issues with the costs of treatment who can help give you some kind of direction there as well...
My heart goes out to you, as I know how painful this is. *hugs and prayers*
Welcome to sr. In some regards, you sound just like me a few months ago... my sister is a recovering heroin addict. I was so torn over her problems, and no matter how much anyone tried to tell me to let go, that they weren't my problems, I couldn't do it. I felt like I was somehow being a bad sister if I didn't make her problems my problems. What I have learned from all of this is that I am actually being a better sister if I support her through the good times and give her space during the bad. Not abandon her, but distance myself just enough to keep my own sanity. After all, what good am I to her if I don't have my own head on straight?
The best resource I have found is going to Naranon and Alanon meetings. They are designed for the family and friends of addicts, and either one will work, as the addictions tend to work pretty much the same way, regardless of which addiction it is. There I have found others that can relate to my struggles. You might even find others in your area that have had issues with the costs of treatment who can help give you some kind of direction there as well...
My heart goes out to you, as I know how painful this is. *hugs and prayers*
I'm no angel!
Join Date: May 2005
Location: tampa, fl
Posts: 6,728
Welcome,
Can't add much to the others, I agree, there really is nothing you can do, it is up to your sister, it is her problem, and she must seek the recovery for herself.
Keep posting, we are here for you.
Can't add much to the others, I agree, there really is nothing you can do, it is up to your sister, it is her problem, and she must seek the recovery for herself.
Keep posting, we are here for you.
I'm HOME!!!!!
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Hot flash city
Posts: 573
Just wanted to say Hi and welcome to SR!! Sorry you have to find yourself here, but you will find a lot of comfort here. MOre will be along to welcome you!! Keep posting. My daughter is my addict, and what I have learned is that when they are ready, they will find the means and programs that they have to.
Again, welcome to SR
Again, welcome to SR
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Seeking Peace
Posts: 1,371
sister...
Welcome to SR!!
You're sister will get better when she wants to. Its something that has to come from within. All the rehabs, counseling, and 'interventions' in the world are meaningless until they want recovery and they want it for themselves. When they get to this point, they WILL find a way. Some will seek a program (there are lots of free ones...most counties offer free assessments and treatment for inidigent addicts)...there are LOTS of resources available. But she has to want it and want it badly. Nothing you can do or say will get her to that point one minute sooner than she is ready.
This isn't your problem to fix, sister. I'm sure you love your sister alot...I join you in hoping and praying that she finds her way soon. In the end, thats all we can really do.
Welcome to SR!!
You're sister will get better when she wants to. Its something that has to come from within. All the rehabs, counseling, and 'interventions' in the world are meaningless until they want recovery and they want it for themselves. When they get to this point, they WILL find a way. Some will seek a program (there are lots of free ones...most counties offer free assessments and treatment for inidigent addicts)...there are LOTS of resources available. But she has to want it and want it badly. Nothing you can do or say will get her to that point one minute sooner than she is ready.
This isn't your problem to fix, sister. I'm sure you love your sister alot...I join you in hoping and praying that she finds her way soon. In the end, thats all we can really do.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: VA
Posts: 90
Welcome Sister1,
I, too, am sorry that you had a need to seek a recovery group like SR, but I hope that you will come here often to find information and hope.
In the previous postings you received the wisdom from forum members who speak from experience. I don't have much to add in the way of advice. I just wanted to say it is good that you found us. Addiction isn't something loved ones can fix. I hope that your sister wants to escape its throes and I pray that she is willing to work at it one day at a time.
Hugs ((((Sister1, Sister, and family)))).
I, too, am sorry that you had a need to seek a recovery group like SR, but I hope that you will come here often to find information and hope.
In the previous postings you received the wisdom from forum members who speak from experience. I don't have much to add in the way of advice. I just wanted to say it is good that you found us. Addiction isn't something loved ones can fix. I hope that your sister wants to escape its throes and I pray that she is willing to work at it one day at a time.
Hugs ((((Sister1, Sister, and family)))).
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: NJ
Posts: 702
Welcome to SR Sister1.
I agree with everyone else, she has to want to get help before she will. I do advise you and the rest of the family to attend either Nar-Anon or Al-Anon meetings. All of you will need support also, and need to learn how to cope with the addict. Please keep coming back here and reading the post and stickeys they do help. You will receive support and love here when you think no one knows what you are going through since we all have been in the same place you and your family are now.
Hugs and prayers coming to you and your family
I agree with everyone else, she has to want to get help before she will. I do advise you and the rest of the family to attend either Nar-Anon or Al-Anon meetings. All of you will need support also, and need to learn how to cope with the addict. Please keep coming back here and reading the post and stickeys they do help. You will receive support and love here when you think no one knows what you are going through since we all have been in the same place you and your family are now.
Hugs and prayers coming to you and your family
Member
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: dallas texas
Posts: 1,629
The statement " will get better when she wants to" is the absolute truth! No amount of begging, pleading, bribeing or crying will make a difference! No matter how much you love your sister or the boy's love their mom, it is not enough! SHE has to want more. I know because I spent 4 years trying to love the insanity away!
When I first came to SR someone told me the 3 C's--didn't Cause it, cant Control it and cant Cure it. I repeat this over and over and overdaily.
Your are in my prayers,
susan
When I first came to SR someone told me the 3 C's--didn't Cause it, cant Control it and cant Cure it. I repeat this over and over and overdaily.
Your are in my prayers,
susan
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: ca
Posts: 6
Thanks to everyone for your replies. I'm so gratefull this forum is here. I will check into Salvation Army resources and NARANON. I do know my sister has to be the one to decide. I want to have a place to go in case I get lost in the craziness of it all. Also, when she's ready I want to have an answer for her or for her sons. Right now she is missing. No contact for a week when she PROMISED to call her son last Sat.
I know her promises are no good because of the drugs. Also, she was beaten-up a couple of weeks ago and the person threatened her life so, her sons are especially worried and in complete denial that she still uses. I'm just hanging-in there trying to stay as "sane" as possible for what ever may come. Thanks Again to everyone!
I know her promises are no good because of the drugs. Also, she was beaten-up a couple of weeks ago and the person threatened her life so, her sons are especially worried and in complete denial that she still uses. I'm just hanging-in there trying to stay as "sane" as possible for what ever may come. Thanks Again to everyone!
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
