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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2003
Location: nevada
Posts: 22
Slow progress
Hello everyone,
I guess this is more of me talking out loud than anything but I was wondering what ya guys think. My Mom is one year sober and she has changed alot! She is going through the steps and I know she is working on making amends. She has already spoken to my brothers due to problems they were working through and they approached her about past beefs with her and such....they worked it out positively and she admitts it was hard for her to hear but it was a neccessary (SP?) evil...to get over some of that childhood stuff they had to confront her. Well, I love my mom and yesterday she and I were talking and for the first time in my life instead of saying maybe I didn't do this right with your brother or maybe I didn't do this right with your sister.....she started acknowledging me, she said that , in so many words, I was a good kid and she took for granted I was fine and didn't pay much attention to the needs I may have had as a child, you would think this would have opened a door.....I started shaking and getting very nervous. I wanted to start crying right there but all I could do to keep from doing that is divert the conversation away from myself. Why is this? I feel like it would hurt her to know how awful it was for me as a child and I don't want to hurt her because then I feel she will pull away. Anybody in the same boat? I know this is what I wanted....to be able to get out all those demons and leave them behind but I never thought it would be this hard to open the damn door! Anybody make any sense out of this?
Alice
I guess this is more of me talking out loud than anything but I was wondering what ya guys think. My Mom is one year sober and she has changed alot! She is going through the steps and I know she is working on making amends. She has already spoken to my brothers due to problems they were working through and they approached her about past beefs with her and such....they worked it out positively and she admitts it was hard for her to hear but it was a neccessary (SP?) evil...to get over some of that childhood stuff they had to confront her. Well, I love my mom and yesterday she and I were talking and for the first time in my life instead of saying maybe I didn't do this right with your brother or maybe I didn't do this right with your sister.....she started acknowledging me, she said that , in so many words, I was a good kid and she took for granted I was fine and didn't pay much attention to the needs I may have had as a child, you would think this would have opened a door.....I started shaking and getting very nervous. I wanted to start crying right there but all I could do to keep from doing that is divert the conversation away from myself. Why is this? I feel like it would hurt her to know how awful it was for me as a child and I don't want to hurt her because then I feel she will pull away. Anybody in the same boat? I know this is what I wanted....to be able to get out all those demons and leave them behind but I never thought it would be this hard to open the damn door! Anybody make any sense out of this?
Alice
Member
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Ohio
Posts: 444
(((((Alice))))))
That must have been so hard for you! It took a lot for your mother to say those things too, I'm sure.
I think that as codies, we tend to want to protect others at our own expense. I'm not sure that if you had let all your feelings of the moment (or of your lifetime) out on her all at once, it would have been a good thing. She's not as strong as you are, mind you.
I've been going to the Adult Children of Alcoholics forum, and though it's been hard to hear some things, it's helping me to face my demons a little at a time. I highly recommend it, if you haven't checked it out.
Hang in there,
Lyn
I think that as codies, we tend to want to protect others at our own expense. I'm not sure that if you had let all your feelings of the moment (or of your lifetime) out on her all at once, it would have been a good thing. She's not as strong as you are, mind you.
I've been going to the Adult Children of Alcoholics forum, and though it's been hard to hear some things, it's helping me to face my demons a little at a time. I highly recommend it, if you haven't checked it out.
Hang in there,
Lyn
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