Wondering
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Texas
Posts: 178
Wondering
Good Morning Everyone! Well let's see now where do I start. My x has been calling me for the past few days and everytime he calls I am asleep. I was afraid to return his call because I don't really know what to expect or not.
We spoke yesterday morning and he wanted to come and see me and I went into a little panic........what to do ? I agreed to see him.
We spend 2 hours together and it was nice. The whole time I was with him I kept trying to focus on me and feeling myself how I feel with all of this. We never talked about anything serious so far as what had been going on in the past. That was good, we kept it light and easy the whole time.
You all know that I have been so very strong and I done a good job with it. It is so exhausting at time to just keep concentrating on myself and sometimes I just plain get tired of it.
We left after spending some time together. How did I feel ?.........gosh gurls that is hard to say. I had many mixed feelings about our visit. It was nice and it was nice to see him. He was sweet and polite and I could tell he was glad to see me.
What does it all mean ?.........I really do not know nor do I have any expectations. I have to remember what is going on. At the same time I know more than ever that I do love him. I am not ashamed to say that because it is true. The time we spend together was very sincere on his part, he simply wanted to see me. When I looked at him he had a look of relief on his face the minute he layed eyes on me. He got me a little gift to which is something he had never done before. He said that he is so glad we are talking again.
Where does it leave me right now ?.......this morning as I am sitting here in my office typing all of this I feel somewhat sad. I have a very mixed feeling and know that I MUST continue to focus on me and let GOD.
I have not called him since we met. The old me would have done that already but I won't, in fact I won't call today. I am letting it all be as is. No talk about the past, no questions nothing.
Tell me .......what do you guys think about that ? Any input ?
We spoke yesterday morning and he wanted to come and see me and I went into a little panic........what to do ? I agreed to see him.
We spend 2 hours together and it was nice. The whole time I was with him I kept trying to focus on me and feeling myself how I feel with all of this. We never talked about anything serious so far as what had been going on in the past. That was good, we kept it light and easy the whole time.
You all know that I have been so very strong and I done a good job with it. It is so exhausting at time to just keep concentrating on myself and sometimes I just plain get tired of it.
We left after spending some time together. How did I feel ?.........gosh gurls that is hard to say. I had many mixed feelings about our visit. It was nice and it was nice to see him. He was sweet and polite and I could tell he was glad to see me.
What does it all mean ?.........I really do not know nor do I have any expectations. I have to remember what is going on. At the same time I know more than ever that I do love him. I am not ashamed to say that because it is true. The time we spend together was very sincere on his part, he simply wanted to see me. When I looked at him he had a look of relief on his face the minute he layed eyes on me. He got me a little gift to which is something he had never done before. He said that he is so glad we are talking again.
Where does it leave me right now ?.......this morning as I am sitting here in my office typing all of this I feel somewhat sad. I have a very mixed feeling and know that I MUST continue to focus on me and let GOD.
I have not called him since we met. The old me would have done that already but I won't, in fact I won't call today. I am letting it all be as is. No talk about the past, no questions nothing.
Tell me .......what do you guys think about that ? Any input ?
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Join Date: May 2003
Location: nevada
Posts: 22
Hello Julia (prettywoman, getit? I guess you heard that one before, huh?)
How long had it been since you broke it off? I don't really know alot about your background, I am kinda new to this site. All I can say is....like I always seem to be sayin' lately.....I can relate. It is so great to see them again after a period of time, even if when you left it was awful. Of course you still love him!!!! Some people don't realize that just because a person treats you awful ,sometimes hideously, you can't just turn off those feelings like a light bulb. Don't expect yourself to. Like I said I don't know your history but BE CAREFUL.....being around your x for a coda is like being around alcohol for an A. I know it feels so good to see them especially if they seem to be taking care of business. My advice to you is keep your eyes open....beleive half of what you hear and all of what you see (some good advice I got once, I pass to you the wisdom of these words, young padawan....use it wisely). Just don't lose sight of yourself, be loyal to you first and try to be honest with yourself. It sounds like you have done a terriffic job so far and it does get tiring. You would think it should be second nature! I wish! Keep the faith and be strong....
:p :shades:
Alice
How long had it been since you broke it off? I don't really know alot about your background, I am kinda new to this site. All I can say is....like I always seem to be sayin' lately.....I can relate. It is so great to see them again after a period of time, even if when you left it was awful. Of course you still love him!!!! Some people don't realize that just because a person treats you awful ,sometimes hideously, you can't just turn off those feelings like a light bulb. Don't expect yourself to. Like I said I don't know your history but BE CAREFUL.....being around your x for a coda is like being around alcohol for an A. I know it feels so good to see them especially if they seem to be taking care of business. My advice to you is keep your eyes open....beleive half of what you hear and all of what you see (some good advice I got once, I pass to you the wisdom of these words, young padawan....use it wisely). Just don't lose sight of yourself, be loyal to you first and try to be honest with yourself. It sounds like you have done a terriffic job so far and it does get tiring. You would think it should be second nature! I wish! Keep the faith and be strong....
:p :shades: Alice
Member
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Reading, PA
Posts: 24
((((((Prettywoman))))))
Your strength gives me courage!!!!!!
I think that it takes alot of courage to let go!!!, you should be proud.
Take the whole situation in and see what you feel after a while. Stay strong and the answers will come to you if you give them time.
Think of youself and take care of you.
Steph
Your strength gives me courage!!!!!!
I think that it takes alot of courage to let go!!!, you should be proud.
Take the whole situation in and see what you feel after a while. Stay strong and the answers will come to you if you give them time.
Think of youself and take care of you.
Steph
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Texas
Posts: 178
alicewunderland
Thank you sweetie for your nice input I do so appreciate it!
We have been apart about 5 month now. I walked away after setting boundaries and they were ignored basicially. Than after some time I wanted to try and work it out and he did not want to. To make a long story short.
I have a very healthy outlook on life and am very content and happy to be by myself. I am also pregnant with twins by him.
We haven't spoken in a while and I have been living my life. We love each other but I also have to see that and feel it from him. I do not run after him nor do I push anything. Just been living my happy life:-) this whole time we been apart.
I love him so dearly and I would like a life with him, but it has to be right and I won't settle for less.
Seeing him yesterday........I am not sure what it meant to him or what he was trying to tell me......either case I am going on with life.
We have been apart about 5 month now. I walked away after setting boundaries and they were ignored basicially. Than after some time I wanted to try and work it out and he did not want to. To make a long story short.
I have a very healthy outlook on life and am very content and happy to be by myself. I am also pregnant with twins by him.
We haven't spoken in a while and I have been living my life. We love each other but I also have to see that and feel it from him. I do not run after him nor do I push anything. Just been living my happy life:-) this whole time we been apart.
I love him so dearly and I would like a life with him, but it has to be right and I won't settle for less.
Seeing him yesterday........I am not sure what it meant to him or what he was trying to tell me......either case I am going on with life.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Prettywoman
You are doing well and know that you can handle things on your own. If your feelings are mixed, take your time and think about what it means. Do you really want to risk your serenity now for what may be a repeat performance later? If the answer is yes, then give it lots of space and time....like you are already doing.
I have always liked the expression "Don't tell me, show me". Time and actions will paint you a clearer picture of the reality of what may be.
Sending hugs and I am knitting up a storm for those sweet babies.
You are doing well and know that you can handle things on your own. If your feelings are mixed, take your time and think about what it means. Do you really want to risk your serenity now for what may be a repeat performance later? If the answer is yes, then give it lots of space and time....like you are already doing.
I have always liked the expression "Don't tell me, show me". Time and actions will paint you a clearer picture of the reality of what may be.
Sending hugs and I am knitting up a storm for those sweet babies.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Ohio
Posts: 444
((((Prettywoman)))))))
The good thing is, you don't have to make any hard-fast decisions. Just take your time. You set boundaries he went against. How are those things going now? I know it's probably hard to answer these questions without actually being with him all the time, but I think you can get a grasp on how he is doing by the way he acts.
Just take your time. See if he makes more of an effort to do the right things, and make good choices.
In the meantime, take care of yourself, your babies, and enjoy your peaceful solitude (while you can)
Lyn
Just take your time. See if he makes more of an effort to do the right things, and make good choices.
In the meantime, take care of yourself, your babies, and enjoy your peaceful solitude (while you can)
Lyn
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Texas
Posts: 178
Lyn
Thank you so much. It is hard to tell because I am not around him at all. Yesterday he seemed very sincere and very happy to see me and to be with me.
I am not going to do anything other than to live my life as I have been. I gave this to God a long time ago and he is in control.
He works and is in school and seems to be doing ok. I am proud of him that he does do this. So far as anything else I do not know what is going on. He has not called me drunk in a long time now.
I do not think about what he does or doesen't do much because I am living my life without him.
He has to show me and I mean show me. Words come cheap. All I know is for now that yesterday was a nice day with him.
I do believe that he is a very loving human being. I do believe that he has problems and I know I can't fix them. He does not want me to fix anything. I do know I love him and respect him as a human being. Everything else , one day at a time.
I am not going to do anything other than to live my life as I have been. I gave this to God a long time ago and he is in control.
He works and is in school and seems to be doing ok. I am proud of him that he does do this. So far as anything else I do not know what is going on. He has not called me drunk in a long time now.
I do not think about what he does or doesen't do much because I am living my life without him.
He has to show me and I mean show me. Words come cheap. All I know is for now that yesterday was a nice day with him.
I do believe that he is a very loving human being. I do believe that he has problems and I know I can't fix them. He does not want me to fix anything. I do know I love him and respect him as a human being. Everything else , one day at a time.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Wow - you are such an inspiration and have truly got your priorities in order.
Sadly, most addicts I know are great people. My son is one of the nicest people you could ever meet. And my relationship with him is so much better since I too gave it to God and just treat him like I would any other person I loved and cared about (with boundaries for my own protection).
Sounds like you are going to be just fine. Letting go can free us to find the life we want to live, and helps us stay focused on ourselves.
Sending hugs and admiration!!!
Sadly, most addicts I know are great people. My son is one of the nicest people you could ever meet. And my relationship with him is so much better since I too gave it to God and just treat him like I would any other person I loved and cared about (with boundaries for my own protection).
Sounds like you are going to be just fine. Letting go can free us to find the life we want to live, and helps us stay focused on ourselves.
Sending hugs and admiration!!!
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Join Date: May 2003
Location: Georgia
Posts: 5
Much love and well wishes!
As the child of an alcoholic I was so surprised to have courted and married an alcoholic. Chaos growing up and chaos now.
I thought of your yet unborn twins and their lives and their relationship to their alcoholic father. I wish for you and them only the best of luck. I hope it all works out and he understands the important role he has in front of him, if he can get and stay sober.
If he can't, I'm sure you'll do just fine because you are to the point I have not yet reached. You are putting yourself and your children first. Stick to your guns! Make him earn the right to be a part of your and their lives and kick him back out if he falters the least little bit. Those babies are counting on you.
Much love and well wishes!
Bitter
I thought of your yet unborn twins and their lives and their relationship to their alcoholic father. I wish for you and them only the best of luck. I hope it all works out and he understands the important role he has in front of him, if he can get and stay sober.
If he can't, I'm sure you'll do just fine because you are to the point I have not yet reached. You are putting yourself and your children first. Stick to your guns! Make him earn the right to be a part of your and their lives and kick him back out if he falters the least little bit. Those babies are counting on you.
Much love and well wishes!
Bitter
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