back from a 4 day binge
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: wherever my feet take me
Posts: 1,314
back from a 4 day binge
Finished working the fair which left some cash in my pocket. didnt spend any of it on drugs. the weekend aftre the fair ended I met back up wth the crew in allentown,nj. Thought I was doing the petting zoo again, but they moved me to the fake mining.. That was friday night. on my way home we got to talking about my being a musician. someone had a guitar and I played a few songs so the boss decided my new job would be to play the guitar in btweeb the animal shows. Sounded great. Went back saturday had a great time and was feeling good about myself, everyone really enjoyed the music
Sunday friend comes over with some ativan cause I havent been able to sleep, took them right away didnt wait to use them for sleep. In the meantime my friend Jmmy, the one I am suppossed to stay clear from called me invited me over. I knew I shouldnt go, but with the little ativan buzz going my guard was down and out I went. I stayed there 4 days somehow I did manage to work tues and wed, but I was flying monday morning.
So now I am in the usualthe after i screwed up guilt feelings and I dont , cant even think aboput the money I spent. I think I am playing at the warren county fair next so O can hopefully make some of the $ back.
I am upset, but I know I just need to wipe off the dust and keep going.
Yesterday I finished filling out my financial aid forms so that is a good thing. I am hoping to get back into school in sept, but if not Jan. I have to pay the school back for $ I took, but never went to class.
I hope everyone else is doing well
Sunday friend comes over with some ativan cause I havent been able to sleep, took them right away didnt wait to use them for sleep. In the meantime my friend Jmmy, the one I am suppossed to stay clear from called me invited me over. I knew I shouldnt go, but with the little ativan buzz going my guard was down and out I went. I stayed there 4 days somehow I did manage to work tues and wed, but I was flying monday morning.
So now I am in the usualthe after i screwed up guilt feelings and I dont , cant even think aboput the money I spent. I think I am playing at the warren county fair next so O can hopefully make some of the $ back.
I am upset, but I know I just need to wipe off the dust and keep going.
Yesterday I finished filling out my financial aid forms so that is a good thing. I am hoping to get back into school in sept, but if not Jan. I have to pay the school back for $ I took, but never went to class.
I hope everyone else is doing well
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: wherever my feet take me
Posts: 1,314
I forgot to mention that he left today and wont be back till the 28th and then I leave on the 29th for8 days so hopefully with time away from him I will regain some of my strength in the just say no department.
Addictio is so screwed up. If someone told me to get in a car and drive 90 miles into a wall I wouldnt do it cause I might get hurt or killed, but drugs which can hurt or kill me just as easily I cant say no to.
Addictio is so screwed up. If someone told me to get in a car and drive 90 miles into a wall I wouldnt do it cause I might get hurt or killed, but drugs which can hurt or kill me just as easily I cant say no to.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: MA.
Posts: 1,719
[QUOTE=bfree4u;1416017If someone told me to get in a car and drive 90 miles into a wall I wouldnt do it cause I might get hurt or killed, but drugs which can hurt or kill me just as easily I cant say no to.[/QUOTE]
So true, this is why addiction is a disease of progression. This is why we need support...Forgive yourself, some of us have to fall a few times in early recovery to truly surrender to the disease of addiction.
Thinking of you, keep posting...
So true, this is why addiction is a disease of progression. This is why we need support...Forgive yourself, some of us have to fall a few times in early recovery to truly surrender to the disease of addiction.
Thinking of you, keep posting...
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 38
The main thing is that you admitted your mistake. It sounds like you know what your triggers are & decided to reward yourself. Felt good getting compliments on your guitar playing...etc.... You sound like a bright & talented individual, so use your gifts.
Maybe go back to school like you said.
I really like to get lost in music myself. It helps to calm me down & I don't think about anything else for that while.
Be strong my friend!!!! You know what to do. Don't beat yourself up & move on with even more honesty. You can do it.
Maybe go back to school like you said.
I really like to get lost in music myself. It helps to calm me down & I don't think about anything else for that while.
Be strong my friend!!!! You know what to do. Don't beat yourself up & move on with even more honesty. You can do it.
Looking For Myself...Sober
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
Beth..you know I always wonder how you are. I am glad to see you are safe and ok.
Please get help or do what you have to to get right.
You are such a special person that deserves so much better.
Much love hon.
Please get help or do what you have to to get right.
You are such a special person that deserves so much better.
Much love hon.
IO Storm
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Southern California
Posts: 18,436
Beth...
Still here for ya....yep..gateway drugs suck...the ingestion of a gateway
ALWAYS says to our head.."this just ain't good enough".
And we run to our drug of choice..alcohol is the choicest for me too.
Like Missymae said..
Forgive yourself, some of us have to fall a few times in early recovery to truly surrender to the disease of addiction..
Whatever you do, Beth..do not beat youself up..it will kill your efforts at
sobriety.
Love,
:
IO
Still here for ya....yep..gateway drugs suck...the ingestion of a gateway
ALWAYS says to our head.."this just ain't good enough".
And we run to our drug of choice..alcohol is the choicest for me too.
Like Missymae said..
Forgive yourself, some of us have to fall a few times in early recovery to truly surrender to the disease of addiction..
Whatever you do, Beth..do not beat youself up..it will kill your efforts at
sobriety.
Love,
:IO
get it, give it, grow in it
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Calif coast
Posts: 3,167
Get to some mtgs. ea. day no matter where you are. You can find locations on the internet. Obviously you are ready to get clean...but you gotta work a program. What is your plan. Do you have a sponsor? It really does work if you work it. So glad you are here and are ready to learn how to live differently. I am always envious of someone w/ musical talent...lucky you.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: www.ericwhitfieldart.com
Posts: 114
yesterday is history...tomorrow is a mystrery, Today is a GIFT - that is why they call it the "present".
...and today, you are sober...and you are talking about it. welcome back. Don't beat yourself up.
...and today, you are sober...and you are talking about it. welcome back. Don't beat yourself up.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
