Language of Letting Go - July 19
Nature Girl
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Language of Letting Go - July 19
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Proving It to Ourselves
I spent a year trying to prove to my husband how much his drinking was hurting me. When I began to recover, I realized I was the one who needed to realize how much his drinking was hurting me.
--Anonymous
I spent months trying to prove to a man I was dating how responsible and healthy I was. Then I realized what I was doing. He didn't need to realize how responsible and healthy I was. I did.
--Anonymous
Trying to prove how good we are, trying to prove we're good enough, trying to show someone how much he or she has hurt us, trying to show someone we're understanding, are warning signs that we may be into our self defeating behaviors.
They can be an indication that we are trying to control someone. They can be an indication that we do not believe how good we are, that we're good enough, that someone is hurting us.
They can be a warning that we've allowed ourselves to get hooked into a dysfunctional system. They may indicate that we're stuck in the cloudy fog of denial or doing something that is not good for us.
Trying excessively to make a point with another may mean that we have not yet made that point with ourselves. Once we make that point with ourselves, once we understand, we will know what to do.
The issue is not about others understanding and taking us seriously. The issue is not about others believing we're good and good enough. The issue is not about others seeing and believing how responsible or loving or competent we are. The issue is not about whether others realize how deeply we are feeling a particular feeling. We are the ones that need to see the light.
Today, God, help me let go of my need to control outcomes by influencing the beliefs of others. I will concentrate on accepting myself, rather than trying to prove something about myself. If I catch myself in the codependent trap of trying to emphasize something about myself to another, I will ask myself if I need to convince myself at that point.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.
Proving It to Ourselves
I spent a year trying to prove to my husband how much his drinking was hurting me. When I began to recover, I realized I was the one who needed to realize how much his drinking was hurting me.
--Anonymous
I spent months trying to prove to a man I was dating how responsible and healthy I was. Then I realized what I was doing. He didn't need to realize how responsible and healthy I was. I did.
--Anonymous
Trying to prove how good we are, trying to prove we're good enough, trying to show someone how much he or she has hurt us, trying to show someone we're understanding, are warning signs that we may be into our self defeating behaviors.
They can be an indication that we are trying to control someone. They can be an indication that we do not believe how good we are, that we're good enough, that someone is hurting us.
They can be a warning that we've allowed ourselves to get hooked into a dysfunctional system. They may indicate that we're stuck in the cloudy fog of denial or doing something that is not good for us.
Trying excessively to make a point with another may mean that we have not yet made that point with ourselves. Once we make that point with ourselves, once we understand, we will know what to do.
The issue is not about others understanding and taking us seriously. The issue is not about others believing we're good and good enough. The issue is not about others seeing and believing how responsible or loving or competent we are. The issue is not about whether others realize how deeply we are feeling a particular feeling. We are the ones that need to see the light.
Today, God, help me let go of my need to control outcomes by influencing the beliefs of others. I will concentrate on accepting myself, rather than trying to prove something about myself. If I catch myself in the codependent trap of trying to emphasize something about myself to another, I will ask myself if I need to convince myself at that point.
From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie ©1990, Hazelden Foundation.
Nature Girl
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
For most of my life I looked for validation from those I loved. I was a people pleaser because I thought that was the only way people would like me. I needed to hear it from them, yet when I got a compliment of any kind I was uncomfortable and felt unworthy. Wow, how sick was all that?
Today I just try to be the best person I can and find my validation from within. If I am at peace with myself, if I feel good about the person I am today, it matters not what others think of me. I don't love every person I meet and I don't expect that every person who meets me will love me either. Today it just doesn't matter and I respect our differences and embrace our diversity.
Perhaps "self-validation" is what helps me keep my balance and helps me stay focused on my recovery and self-healing.
Hugs
Today I just try to be the best person I can and find my validation from within. If I am at peace with myself, if I feel good about the person I am today, it matters not what others think of me. I don't love every person I meet and I don't expect that every person who meets me will love me either. Today it just doesn't matter and I respect our differences and embrace our diversity.
Perhaps "self-validation" is what helps me keep my balance and helps me stay focused on my recovery and self-healing.
Hugs
krhea75
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: macomb, il
Posts: 644
Ann,
I too am a people pleaser, always trying to juggle everyone else's feelings. I am learning to let go, but it is a daily choice. Sometimes I make it and sometimes i fall back into my old ways of dealing with people. thanks for the insight today.
And good God woman, what time do ou get up in the morning?
krhea
I too am a people pleaser, always trying to juggle everyone else's feelings. I am learning to let go, but it is a daily choice. Sometimes I make it and sometimes i fall back into my old ways of dealing with people. thanks for the insight today.
And good God woman, what time do ou get up in the morning?
krhea
Forum Leader
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: In my little piece of heaven
Posts: 2,870
Ann,
I am much healthier than I used to be, but there are still times that I judge my insides from other peoples' outsides. And when I'm not in a good place, I find myself looking to other people for my validation. These days, that's when I know I need to call a recovery friend and/or get my butt to a meeting.
Thanks for sharing this.
HUGS
Cats
PS. Like my new avatar?
I am much healthier than I used to be, but there are still times that I judge my insides from other peoples' outsides. And when I'm not in a good place, I find myself looking to other people for my validation. These days, that's when I know I need to call a recovery friend and/or get my butt to a meeting.
Thanks for sharing this.
HUGS
Cats
PS. Like my new avatar?
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
