I don't think AA works for me...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Michigan
Posts: 4
I don't think AA works for me...
...but I don't know anything else. People tell me that I haven't given it the full try, since I've never established a real relationship with my sponsor, and haven't fully given myself in to AA.
I don't want to rely on other people so much in my recovery. More importantly, people around me think that AA is the only way, even though my situation just repeats itself and I go around in this vicious circle.
Anyone have any tips on some good AA alternatives and how I can deal with people around me who say that AA is the only way? (especially my girlfriend who is in AA herself)
I don't want to rely on other people so much in my recovery. More importantly, people around me think that AA is the only way, even though my situation just repeats itself and I go around in this vicious circle.
Anyone have any tips on some good AA alternatives and how I can deal with people around me who say that AA is the only way? (especially my girlfriend who is in AA herself)
Member
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Seattle, Washington
Posts: 118
I'm on the fence about AA myself - I've tried it 3 times and was unsuccesful, so I'm not sure what to do. I know there is SMART recover, I've never tried them, but I think you also attend the meetings in your area.
I'm not trying to offend anyone who reads this, but AA is not the only way! It works for some people, some it doesn't - thats life.
Good luck to you ump! I hope you find something that works, and posting here has helped me alot in the past, so keep using this forum also!
Take Care,
FallGirl
I'm not trying to offend anyone who reads this, but AA is not the only way! It works for some people, some it doesn't - thats life.
Good luck to you ump! I hope you find something that works, and posting here has helped me alot in the past, so keep using this forum also!
Take Care,
FallGirl
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,465
Here is a list of Recovery Prorams and I think you should do whatever works for you. AA works for many but I am not an AA person, myself:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-programs.html
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-programs.html
Resentment Building
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Sydney, NSW, Australia
Posts: 174
It took me 12 months before I 'got' AA. Or perhaps it 'got' me. I used to hate it.
Now, it's different though.
For you it may be different - what ever keeps you sober is goodness.
For me, in my first 12 months of AA, I had a lot of resistance, which I think blinded me from the goodness. And then that moment happened for me - I remember it very well - I was ******, very ****** - I was at a meeting and listening (not pretending to listen, but actually listening, engaged, to this fella - my shittyness lifted - I wanted to be ****** again cause the wrongs that had been done to me were still there - but I couldn't even force myself to be ****** - That was my spiritual experience.
There is a saying that I heard recently - "don't give up before the miracle happens". 12 months ago , I would have given this little credence - but now it is different for me.
Good luck on your journey.
Now, it's different though.
For you it may be different - what ever keeps you sober is goodness.
For me, in my first 12 months of AA, I had a lot of resistance, which I think blinded me from the goodness. And then that moment happened for me - I remember it very well - I was ******, very ****** - I was at a meeting and listening (not pretending to listen, but actually listening, engaged, to this fella - my shittyness lifted - I wanted to be ****** again cause the wrongs that had been done to me were still there - but I couldn't even force myself to be ****** - That was my spiritual experience.
There is a saying that I heard recently - "don't give up before the miracle happens". 12 months ago , I would have given this little credence - but now it is different for me.
Good luck on your journey.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Michigan
Posts: 4
I've been reading this forum non-stop for the last few hours and I'd like to say it's pure gold! I love how much support everyone gives each other and I can share more easily in here... looking forward to my journey
everything is already ok
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Melbourne Victoria Australia
Posts: 19,789
NA works for me and I have tried everything and I mean everything believe you me. I had 20 years clean on my own and was ok but still under the infulence of my addiction. I am aslo interested in why AA does not work for you.
Kevin
Kevin
Member
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: library
Posts: 131
Don't feel that AA is the only way. It definetly wasn't for me. Just not a good fit. I cobbled together my own program despite being told by local AA'ers that it wouldn't work. I was told I was a "dry drunk", a term I despise.
That was 3 years ago. Now very sober and happy but you do need some sort of support system (in my opinion). I am also on antidepressents (Lexapro).
Good luck!
jane
That was 3 years ago. Now very sober and happy but you do need some sort of support system (in my opinion). I am also on antidepressents (Lexapro).
Good luck!
jane
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: MA.
Posts: 1,719
Hi,
I use to think like you. I have been around AA for a couple of decades. I found that I could have long periods of sobriety(Five years, three years ETC), but I would end back out there using...So I tried working a lot of hours and keeping myself busy with friends and my grandchildren. This had the same outcome. I would end up back out there using.
This time it is different. Because everything they said would happen If I go back out there did. They welcomed me back with open arms...This forum welcomed me back with a lot of support.
Just a suggestion, maybe try another meeting and maybe something will click towards your recovery.
I do believe this, you can't do it on your own. You do need a support system.
Thinking of you...Keep psoting.
I use to think like you. I have been around AA for a couple of decades. I found that I could have long periods of sobriety(Five years, three years ETC), but I would end back out there using...So I tried working a lot of hours and keeping myself busy with friends and my grandchildren. This had the same outcome. I would end up back out there using.
This time it is different. Because everything they said would happen If I go back out there did. They welcomed me back with open arms...This forum welcomed me back with a lot of support.
Just a suggestion, maybe try another meeting and maybe something will click towards your recovery.
I do believe this, you can't do it on your own. You do need a support system.
Thinking of you...Keep psoting.
Member
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Pasadena, CA
Posts: 1,539
The term dry drunk to me refers to the fact that all I have done was taken alcohol away, and now, I'm the same person w/o alcohol.
The SAME old character............same behaviors.
Irritable, discontent & unsatisfied.
Impatient, little tolerance, angry.......you name it.
Do you depsie that term because it fits?
Tom
The SAME old character............same behaviors.
Irritable, discontent & unsatisfied.
Impatient, little tolerance, angry.......you name it.
Do you depsie that term because it fits?
Tom
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: decatur, ga.
Posts: 33
Honesty,Open-Mindedness & Willingnesss.....the " HOW " of recovery. How it works for me today is in working the program to the best of my ability, one day at a time. U C....I can easily recall when in my using that i'd use just about anything if it alter my mind and feeling ( got me high ) or nearly killed me,un-beknowingly. So within the same vain do " I " seek & practice (action word ) " my " recovery. There are many and various fellowships and meetings of every kind;which is a coming together for a common cause, " the primary purpose ". No matter the fellowship the program is in the book if you work it. " It Works;If You Work It ". seloth@. tfs
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: CA Native
Posts: 2,509
It works ... if you YOU WORK IT.
Perhaps you have trouble around the G-word? I know I did, and still have some today. The point is, it's a Higher Power of YOUR understanding. It can be ANYthing. Doesn't mean in order to 'get' the Program or have it work for you that you need to become a Catholic or a Protestant and start going to church every Sunday. GOD NO.
The point is that in AA/NA we believe that addiction is at least to some degree a spiritual malady. To get scientific on you, think about this ... we humans evolved as extremely close-knit, sociable 'pack'-type animals. Everyone had to do their part in order to keep the pack alive and reproducing successfully. Our entire focus was on food, clothing and shelter, and we all had to care for one another, and share, in order to survive. When you get right down to basics, spirituality is really about nothing more than getting back to our natural roots. Adopting an attitude of caring - about OTHERS as well as ourselves, seeing ourselves as having a VITAL role in the survival of both those closest to us, and our species. It's very easy in todays society to lose track of our roots as Homo Sapiens, to isolate, to turn inward and believe ITS ALL ABOUT OURSELVES. Guess what? That thinking is very unnatural for us. It leads us to our eventual destruction through one means or another in most cases.
If you think about it, what we now call 'spirituality' is really nothing terribly different than acting in ways that we USED to HAVE to in order to survive, for millions of years (if you go back to our ape ancestors).
For many people, the ONLY WAY they can bring themselves to behave 'spiritually' is if they believe they are BEING WATCHED (hence the God concept), and/or if they believe they will be later REWARDED (hence the Heaven concept). To me it seems that a very logical case could be made that these ideas were simply hatched up by people who wanted greater control over society, and who wanted to harness the work of the masses for their own monetary benefit. They NEEDED people to cooperate at least within a given city/society/nation in order to accomplish their goals, so they gave the masses RELIGION.
Now, although the above is what I personally believe, it is also true that, if there IS a spirit God, He may have imbued us with a 'need' to live according to spiritual principles, and that is why when we DON'T, we begin to need drugs and alcohol in order to hide from the feelings it creates. It may also be that He directed (somehow) the leaders in the early times to create 'Religion' as we have come to know it.
Before I'd been into AA/NA for awhile, i would've said the latter explanation is a complete crock, illogical, etc. Now that I see how the TOOL of believing in a Higher Power WORKS and keeps people SOBER, I now accept that maybe, JUST MAYBE, I don't know everything about God, Religion, Sprirituality, etc.
And you know what? My life is better now that I don't insist that I know everything, now that I accept that I NEED OTHER PEOPLE, especially those who know MORE THAN I DO ABOUT LIVING SOBER, and that, WHATEVER THE REASON, I need to live my live according to spiritual (NOT RELIGIOUS) principles, or else, I am going to end up meeting an EARLY DEMISE at the hands of this spiritual malady known as addiction.
I hope I've encourage you to give the program another chance. If it can help a DRUG ADDICT and DIEHARD (former) ATHEIST (now Agnostic) stay sober ... then it can help anyone stay sober.
WORK IT, and as another said, don't give up before the miracle happens...
Perhaps you have trouble around the G-word? I know I did, and still have some today. The point is, it's a Higher Power of YOUR understanding. It can be ANYthing. Doesn't mean in order to 'get' the Program or have it work for you that you need to become a Catholic or a Protestant and start going to church every Sunday. GOD NO.
The point is that in AA/NA we believe that addiction is at least to some degree a spiritual malady. To get scientific on you, think about this ... we humans evolved as extremely close-knit, sociable 'pack'-type animals. Everyone had to do their part in order to keep the pack alive and reproducing successfully. Our entire focus was on food, clothing and shelter, and we all had to care for one another, and share, in order to survive. When you get right down to basics, spirituality is really about nothing more than getting back to our natural roots. Adopting an attitude of caring - about OTHERS as well as ourselves, seeing ourselves as having a VITAL role in the survival of both those closest to us, and our species. It's very easy in todays society to lose track of our roots as Homo Sapiens, to isolate, to turn inward and believe ITS ALL ABOUT OURSELVES. Guess what? That thinking is very unnatural for us. It leads us to our eventual destruction through one means or another in most cases.
If you think about it, what we now call 'spirituality' is really nothing terribly different than acting in ways that we USED to HAVE to in order to survive, for millions of years (if you go back to our ape ancestors).
For many people, the ONLY WAY they can bring themselves to behave 'spiritually' is if they believe they are BEING WATCHED (hence the God concept), and/or if they believe they will be later REWARDED (hence the Heaven concept). To me it seems that a very logical case could be made that these ideas were simply hatched up by people who wanted greater control over society, and who wanted to harness the work of the masses for their own monetary benefit. They NEEDED people to cooperate at least within a given city/society/nation in order to accomplish their goals, so they gave the masses RELIGION.
Now, although the above is what I personally believe, it is also true that, if there IS a spirit God, He may have imbued us with a 'need' to live according to spiritual principles, and that is why when we DON'T, we begin to need drugs and alcohol in order to hide from the feelings it creates. It may also be that He directed (somehow) the leaders in the early times to create 'Religion' as we have come to know it.
Before I'd been into AA/NA for awhile, i would've said the latter explanation is a complete crock, illogical, etc. Now that I see how the TOOL of believing in a Higher Power WORKS and keeps people SOBER, I now accept that maybe, JUST MAYBE, I don't know everything about God, Religion, Sprirituality, etc.
And you know what? My life is better now that I don't insist that I know everything, now that I accept that I NEED OTHER PEOPLE, especially those who know MORE THAN I DO ABOUT LIVING SOBER, and that, WHATEVER THE REASON, I need to live my live according to spiritual (NOT RELIGIOUS) principles, or else, I am going to end up meeting an EARLY DEMISE at the hands of this spiritual malady known as addiction.
I hope I've encourage you to give the program another chance. If it can help a DRUG ADDICT and DIEHARD (former) ATHEIST (now Agnostic) stay sober ... then it can help anyone stay sober.
WORK IT, and as another said, don't give up before the miracle happens...
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Cleveland Ohio
Posts: 290
I know a guy who quit without AA... he went to some outpatient rehab thing... and has been sober now 20 some years... perhaps 30... anyways... I also know a guy that has been sober now for 2 years without AA.. although he was there on paper for sometime.
So it is possible... but I will say that I personally could not do it by myself... I tried... and I failed... I never tried any other programs because the 1st one I tried that wasn't doing it by myself is working... and it is AA.
So it is possible... but I will say that I personally could not do it by myself... I tried... and I failed... I never tried any other programs because the 1st one I tried that wasn't doing it by myself is working... and it is AA.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: CA Native
Posts: 2,509
By the way, AA/NA, and ANY OTHER viable recovery program is going to offer you the same BASIC set of tools.
And they are ALL going to revolve around training your brain to avoid the NEGATIVE emotions that lead to relapse: Feeling overwhelmed by the 'task' of a lifetime of sobriety, guilt about past/present actions of our own, general worry/fear (very broad concept, very detrimental to sobriety), excessive need for 'Acceptance', the perceived shortcomings/failure(s) of ourselves and the people we care about, etc.
It is quite simply THE CASE that the Steps, and more importantly, TURNING OUR LIVES AND OUR WILL OVER TO A HIGHER POWER, very NEATLY helps eliminate almost all these negative emotions. When we say to ourselves, WE ARE NOT RUNNING THE SHOW anymore, that SOMETHING GREATER than 'me' is in charge now, we alleviate SO MANY of the triggers for relapse all in one fell swoop. Is it total BULLS**T? MAYBE. Maybe not. It doesn't matter, thats the beauty of it. Just DON'T THINK about it, don't analyze it. Train your brain, tell yourself over and over - this is LIFE OR DEATH - keep telling yourself to have FAITH that, as long as you do your best to keep doing the next right thing (according to your understanding of spiritual principles), EVERYTHING WILL WORK OUT. Learn this simple 'trick' if you will, and you will have learned THE MAIN TOOL, the SECRET to a lifetime of sobriety ... trust me when I say that this is what you have been looking for all your life.
Don't ANALYZE it. Don't PONDER whether it's a crock. Don't analyze whether it's practicality as a solution is entirely based whether there is or isn't an actual Christian GOD entity. Don't ASSUME there is no PLAN for anything or anyone. Just ... don't do that.
Acceptance of the idea that YOU are NOT in CHARGE ANYMORE, and that something greater than YOU ... IS.
Basic.
Powerful.
Life-saving.
Do it.
And they are ALL going to revolve around training your brain to avoid the NEGATIVE emotions that lead to relapse: Feeling overwhelmed by the 'task' of a lifetime of sobriety, guilt about past/present actions of our own, general worry/fear (very broad concept, very detrimental to sobriety), excessive need for 'Acceptance', the perceived shortcomings/failure(s) of ourselves and the people we care about, etc.
It is quite simply THE CASE that the Steps, and more importantly, TURNING OUR LIVES AND OUR WILL OVER TO A HIGHER POWER, very NEATLY helps eliminate almost all these negative emotions. When we say to ourselves, WE ARE NOT RUNNING THE SHOW anymore, that SOMETHING GREATER than 'me' is in charge now, we alleviate SO MANY of the triggers for relapse all in one fell swoop. Is it total BULLS**T? MAYBE. Maybe not. It doesn't matter, thats the beauty of it. Just DON'T THINK about it, don't analyze it. Train your brain, tell yourself over and over - this is LIFE OR DEATH - keep telling yourself to have FAITH that, as long as you do your best to keep doing the next right thing (according to your understanding of spiritual principles), EVERYTHING WILL WORK OUT. Learn this simple 'trick' if you will, and you will have learned THE MAIN TOOL, the SECRET to a lifetime of sobriety ... trust me when I say that this is what you have been looking for all your life.
Don't ANALYZE it. Don't PONDER whether it's a crock. Don't analyze whether it's practicality as a solution is entirely based whether there is or isn't an actual Christian GOD entity. Don't ASSUME there is no PLAN for anything or anyone. Just ... don't do that.
Acceptance of the idea that YOU are NOT in CHARGE ANYMORE, and that something greater than YOU ... IS.
Basic.
Powerful.
Life-saving.
Do it.
Old & Sober Member of AA
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Nursing Home in Brick, New Jersey
Posts: 5,174
"don't give up before the miracle happens".
I can't suggest any other way to stay sober...the only thing I know that definitely worked for me (and for hundreds of thousands of others) is AA. There must be something to it...since it's been in existence since 1935 and basically the same as it was when first started.
Its_me_jen
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Salina, Ks
Posts: 8,547
Originally Posted by 51anna 
Here is a list of Recovery Prorams and I think you should do whatever works for you. AA works for many but I am not an AA person, myself:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-programs.html
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-programs.html
Welcome to SR ump. Glad you are here.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: UK
Posts: 1,415
By the way, AA/NA, and ANY OTHER viable recovery program is going to offer you the same BASIC set of tools.
And they are ALL going to revolve around training your brain to avoid the NEGATIVE emotions that lead to relapse: Feeling overwhelmed by the 'task' of a lifetime of sobriety, guilt about past/present actions of our own, general worry/fear (very broad concept, very detrimental to sobriety), excessive need for 'Acceptance', the perceived shortcomings/failure(s) of ourselves and the people we care about, etc.
It is quite simply THE CASE that the Steps, and more importantly, TURNING OUR LIVES AND OUR WILL OVER TO A HIGHER POWER, very NEATLY helps eliminate almost all these negative emotions. When we say to ourselves, WE ARE NOT RUNNING THE SHOW anymore, that SOMETHING GREATER than 'me' is in charge now, we alleviate SO MANY of the triggers for relapse all in one fell swoop. Is it total BULLS**T? MAYBE. Maybe not. It doesn't matter, thats the beauty of it. Just DON'T THINK about it, don't analyze it. Train your brain, tell yourself over and over - this is LIFE OR DEATH - keep telling yourself to have FAITH that, as long as you do your best to keep doing the next right thing (according to your understanding of spiritual principles), EVERYTHING WILL WORK OUT. Learn this simple 'trick' if you will, and you will have learned THE MAIN TOOL, the SECRET to a lifetime of sobriety ... trust me when I say that this is what you have been looking for all your life.
Don't ANALYZE it. Don't PONDER whether it's a crock. Don't analyze whether it's practicality as a solution is entirely based whether there is or isn't an actual Christian GOD entity. Don't ASSUME there is no PLAN for anything or anyone. Just ... don't do that.
Acceptance of the idea that YOU are NOT in CHARGE ANYMORE, and that something greater than YOU ... IS.
Basic.
Powerful.
Life-saving.
Do it.
And they are ALL going to revolve around training your brain to avoid the NEGATIVE emotions that lead to relapse: Feeling overwhelmed by the 'task' of a lifetime of sobriety, guilt about past/present actions of our own, general worry/fear (very broad concept, very detrimental to sobriety), excessive need for 'Acceptance', the perceived shortcomings/failure(s) of ourselves and the people we care about, etc.
It is quite simply THE CASE that the Steps, and more importantly, TURNING OUR LIVES AND OUR WILL OVER TO A HIGHER POWER, very NEATLY helps eliminate almost all these negative emotions. When we say to ourselves, WE ARE NOT RUNNING THE SHOW anymore, that SOMETHING GREATER than 'me' is in charge now, we alleviate SO MANY of the triggers for relapse all in one fell swoop. Is it total BULLS**T? MAYBE. Maybe not. It doesn't matter, thats the beauty of it. Just DON'T THINK about it, don't analyze it. Train your brain, tell yourself over and over - this is LIFE OR DEATH - keep telling yourself to have FAITH that, as long as you do your best to keep doing the next right thing (according to your understanding of spiritual principles), EVERYTHING WILL WORK OUT. Learn this simple 'trick' if you will, and you will have learned THE MAIN TOOL, the SECRET to a lifetime of sobriety ... trust me when I say that this is what you have been looking for all your life.
Don't ANALYZE it. Don't PONDER whether it's a crock. Don't analyze whether it's practicality as a solution is entirely based whether there is or isn't an actual Christian GOD entity. Don't ASSUME there is no PLAN for anything or anyone. Just ... don't do that.
Acceptance of the idea that YOU are NOT in CHARGE ANYMORE, and that something greater than YOU ... IS.
Basic.
Powerful.
Life-saving.
Do it.
Welcome Ump!
Any tips on how to deal with people who tell you AA is the only way?
Yeah. Prove them wrong!
And if you can't - like I couldn't - they'll still be there.
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