marle

Friday when I visited with my family, my sister had an old picture album. I was looking through pictures of my family and came across a picture of myself at my rehearsal dinner. I was shocked at how skeletal I looked. That was during my period of what my doctor had called "Borderline Anorexic", 5' 6" and 110 lbs. It was good for me to see that. It was a reminder of how strong denial can be in a person. I thought at the time that I looked normal. Got me thinking that my denial then is really no different than my daughter's denial now. Telling me that she will be okay eventually and that she is doing fine now. (Even though inside she is probably miserable.) I probably said the same thing to people who made remarks to me back then. (Even though I was miserable inside and starving.) Time makes one forgot. Hugs, Marle

ladyamalthea

Marle,

I needed this post right now. Thanks for that

hugs

marle

Lady, That is why I love this forum. Everyday I find that there is something that I need to read. Something that helps me make it through another day. My daughter holds a big resentment towards me because she feels that I feel superior because I was anorexic and she is bulimic. Hugs, Marle

cinderellawkids

You know I think there is truly a fine line. By physicians standards I was considered anorexic for many years, and when stressed I quickly pick up old patterns.
However over the past few years, I noticed when a painful moment hit me, or at the brink of when I knew AH was about to go off the deep end, Id suddenly start to vomit as I turned my emotions inside out. The more it happens, it scarily for a moment you feel better sorta an adrenyline thing, your body starts to pick up the trait on its own, then that feeling would scare me so Id again stop eating.

Congrats in your continued recovery from all that have effected so many. It really is weird as we look back.

In May of 2006 I had posted "what now" on the eating disorder thread. I had just been told even though it wasnt like when I was a kids I was suffering again at 5 foot 4 and about 105 pounds, although I always lied and said I was more. Today Im happy to be 128 pounds, incidentally the same weight as when I delivered my 3 children, but without the belly (well I ahve a belly, but you know what I mean)

ladyamalthea

Geez, 128 is the thinnest I have ever been. I know anorexia is no better than any other addictive behavior, but I would give anything to have anorexia over my problem... In fact, last night, three people on the substance abuse forum were kind enough to talk me out of a huge binge. I got up this morning and ate 2 chicken biscuits, but this was far less than what I would have eaten had I given into my binge last night.

Incidently, prayers tomorrow at 1:30 eastern time would be really appreciated, as I will be going to my doctor and I am nervous about it b/c he doesn't understand me, and I have had a huge relapse since the last time we talked... ugh I wish there was another endocrinologist within 50 miles!

raerae6

LadyM. , people can die from anorexia! Geez, you don't want that! Good luck at the doctor's!

ladyamalthea

Raerae, I know... but people die from the probs I have too, just as easily, and at least they aren't 135 pounds overweight... I didn't mean to belittle the seriousness of anorexia, it's more of a case of the grass being greener on the other side.

marle

Lady, My daughter is now binging without the purging. She is an obese heroin addict. It is kind of an oxymoron, because usually heroin addicts are thin. So she is currently battling both addictions. I can't imagine the inner pain and self-loathing she must be dealing with. Hugs, Marle

ladyamalthea

Marle,

Then your daughter is basically, in some lights, a combination of myself and my sister. Sister has the heroin end of it, and I never purge, always just binge. And you're right, my sister is very thin... in fact, she was talking about going to Weight Watcher's because she's put on a few pounds since she's been clean, and I have a hard time not chuckling about it, b/c she's still a size 3 lol. But I hold it back and tell her that I don't think she needs it, but that if she wants to go to Weight Watcher's meetings, I will be glad to go with her, partly to continue in my attempt to be supportive, and partly because I wonder if that might not help me too. I've tried WW before, several times, but I always fall off the wagon after a month or two. Not the program's fault, it's because of my problem with binging. I get to the next point where I have to lose a point or two and flip out because it's that much more food I have to give up. Most people would be motivated to stay on it if they reached that kind of landmark, but not me... go figure.

And you are right, Marle. I can only imagine how much pain is caused for her by the combinations of those two addictions. Having one is hard enough! I am continuing to pray for her, please do the same for me

*hugs*