kglast

Hey all - so, I am definitley getting better....definitely obsessing less over XAF....but he still takes up more room in my head than I'd like...I guess more time will help that too...

It will be 3 months next Sunday since I have seen him and it has to be at least 6 or 7 weeks since he has called. I have mixed feelings about that...for some reason, I want to know he is regretting everything and pining away for me....I keep trying to figure out why that would make me feel better...why would knowing he was miserable and wanting me make me feel better???? or do I only think it would??? Good grief! Who knows.

Also, my birthday is a week from tomorrow and I have found myself wondering if he will try to contact me and trying to figure out what I will do if it happens...will he send a card? flowers to work? will he try to call?? leave me a message?? I guess for some reason I need/want to know he still cares...WHY?!?!?!?!

Does this mean I am slipping backwards or is it just a bump in the road to recovery?? Anyone else feeling this way????

Pick-a-name

Yup.......... I think it's only natural. You sound good and like you are doing well,too.

Nice to hear from you.

p.s. Hope your birthday is good and that you do something extra special for yourself; you deserve it!

redbear

I'm sorry to tell you this, in my experience the A is inlove with alcohol not you. he or she has to fall out of love with it themselves, they would do it for you. Be happy that you are setting boundiers for yourself and him. If you can not deal with the drinking...you have done the right thing by leaving. Wish him well, pray for his strength for recovery and if no call comes on your birthday...you will be ok because you have people who care all around you...he has his own struggle on his hands...don't make it your struggle and don't make it harder on him...just take care of yourself and be strong for yourself....and Happy Birthday.
p.s. On your special day surround yourself with people who love you and don't think of anything else then having a good b-day with you and your family and friends.
take care

denny57

I would think about what I've been doing in those 3 months for myself. Work hard at not measuring time by what "he" is or is not doing (calling me).

Be good to yourself.

sthrnraizd

Thank You for sharing!~ As time goes by he will fill less and less or "your" space. Becuase "YOU" will be taking up all your time. You and are as you know are close to the same time frame running. It does get better, it gets eaiser. But do things for you, do everything for you, do lots of things. Make you life al it can be! I went back to school, took salsa dancing, cooking classes, taken trips. If I can do it I am. Its all about living for me and no longer caring for his needs and his alcoholism.
There has been a ton of tears and pain but it is better each day. And though crazy idea inter my head about what ifs still....I dont let them stay long. Anyway you look at it I ..we..are sooo much better off where we are today. And to think that mr healthy is out there waiting for us one.... :-)

cagefree

When I was hacking away at my towering anger inferno, I felt the same...I wanted to know he was pining for me, that he f-d up the best thing that ever happened to him...etc. When the anger left, this waned a lot - it's there a tiny bit...but I don't dwell and obsess the way I used to.

I also fear my birthday - and it's all the way in October. Things are going so well for me in my recovery, I am protecting it (my recovery) like a hawk. XABF is known for some manipulative, sneaky and underhanded things and I would nto put it past him to "spy" on me at Al-anon. I am avoiding my favourite meeting due to this. He also knows a couple individuals who attend the meeting as well and it feels like a bad situation to me.

The last time he tried to call me was during a storm. During the last big storm I shut my phone off. I'm afriad that he will use this as an excuse to contact me or even worse, show up at my house.

Sometimes I just want a confrontation to happen just so I know I can coexist in the same world as him and still maintain my codie recovery and leave him alone.

With XABF gone, there was no one to validate me being lovable. The more I can validate this for myself, the less I want to witness someone to grieving over me like they have never grieved before.

kglast

thanks Cage!!!!!! i know i definitely have a LOT of anger to work through...only found out a couple of weeks ago that he is seeing someone else, much older, that we both know....makes me SICK...still kind of reeling from that, but at least i can't stay in denial and fantasyland thinking/hoping that he is getting his sh*& together so we can work things out....

cagefree

(((kg)))

Remember, an A has no use for someone who won't enable. You're being good to you...it can only get better for you, regardless of the choices he makes. Sorry things hurt right now