Iforgot

I guess I will just get to the point and say that I used last night for the first time in over a year. I feel like crap, I feel guilty, I feel pathetic, I am embarrassed etc etc. This is not a new thing for me....relapse. I started using drugs at 13 and at 15 overdosed on heroin and ended up in my first of many recovery programs. I have taken so many newcomer chips I reached a point I would not take them anymore. I have had periods of sobriety where I was doing well and living a productive life and then....relapse. I think its time I went back to the 12 steps. Maybe I will get it this time. Anyways....thanks for being here

Aysha

Wow you made it a year.
So you see it is possible for you to be clean and sober.
I have been the queen of relapse lately.
With no more than 2 mos at a time clean.
But you gotta just brush them shoulders off and try again.
Take with you a lesson learned.
I am new to recovery although i have been an addict for close to 20 years. Not till this year have I ever tried recovery. It is a slow go but I am trying everyday.
I am new to 12 step and am going to my very first meeting tomorrow.
But if you have done it before..You sure can do it again.
Glad you are here.

Iforgot

Ya I have made it a year a few times actually, haha. I get going really good and life is good and then I decide its too good I guess and sabotage it. I have used on and off over 25 yrs so if I can do it you can do it!!! And I absolutely agree....just gotta let it go and start over. If I beat myself up everytime I relapsed.....well I dont want to even think about that. It happens....move on. You have great attitude about your recovery and it sounds like you are in it for the long haul. Way to go. Thanks sooooo much for the positive words!!

IO Storm

Iforgot....

Welcome back!!!!

I can relate..I say you could have paved a small bathroom floor with my

Welcome chips! I don't even count them as part of my relapse history..

because I lost count as you did. I think I was just testing the waters at first..

And then plain old denial later on....gotta watch for that one..it's deadly!

This is my 7th (reaL) time in...I got a year on June 8th....

and this last year has been rough and beautiful....

They say relapse is a part of recovery..and a learning experience...

My very best to you.

Love,

:

IO

Rowan

Welcome back. I think 12 Steps will surely help - they sure can't hurt.

Don't be too hard on yourself. You came clean, got honest, and became willing to start over. You learned that nothing changes when you go back out.

I hope you keep posting - we have a great little recovery community here and are always grateful to have a new member.

Rowan

FallGirl

I can understand the sabotage thing - I seem to do that to, everything is going good and I'm not drinking and I talk myself into it, and before you know it I'm back up to a six pack + every day or so..... But you made it a year! That is wonderful! I haven't made it a year ...well ever and I'm 31 now.
I know you feel crappy right now, but we're both on Day 1 today! And that is something to feel good about - Stay strong and keep posting!

FallGirl

IO Storm

From the Big Book..

"We work together and hang together else we die alone"...

As Row said..Meetings and the Twelve Steps will surely help..and can't hurt.

The neat thing is..in NA and AA the door is ALWAYS open and love aboounds.

IO

IO Storm

Welcome back Fallgirl!

Love,

:

IO

Iforgot

Thanks so much!! And I think it may be my time to take another newcomer chip You are an inspiration to me. I felt reallllly alone a few minutes ago and now I remember....I am not. Much love

Iforgot

Thank you. And you are sooo right, it is time for me to give the steps another try. I apparently cant do it alone. I am ok. But you know its just amazing how one time has created this whole set of problems. I cant tell my BF....he will be devastated, I called out from work because I was too high, I spent money I shouldnt have. Now I have to live with it and it really sucks. Nope nothing changes it only gets worse. I am staying riiiight here.

Iforgot

I had a feeling you would understand. And half the battle is admitting we have a problem and being willing to face it, without that there is no chance at recovery for a day or a year. Keep pushing Fallgirl, you will get your year and then some. Today we are starting over and thats a great thing. Thanks so much for all the positive words!!!

Anna

Hi Iforgot,

Welcome!

I remember so well how awful it is dealing with all the messes I made while I was drinking. And, yet, I kept doing it. I'm glad you've got a plan and I hope that you keep posting here and reading too. There is lots of support!

Iforgot

Thanks Anna. Why do we do that? Its just so crazy!! I am so tired of doing this....sighhhhhh. I forgot how bad it is again. I am not going anywhere.....I am where I need to be, you all are stuck with me now. I am so grateful for this site and all of you.

Missymae737

Iforgot,

Glad you made it back to us. I know it hurts as I am starting all over again too! Facing the wreckage of my using HURTS.Many of us relapse during early recovery. I recently got out of Detox.

Grab onto all the support you can. Keep posting here. We are here for you..

A year is awesome and you can do it again and have more recovery.

We never have to be alone , we never have to relapse again...

parentrecovers

it's ok, iforgot - it's a tough disease. blessings, k

stone

Hi and welcome I forgot.

Want2BGreat

(((Iforgot))

I'm really glad you came back. Yeah, the problems that come along with using just suck!! But be glad right now that it's just guilt and a bit of $, and whatever else, and NOT a whole collection of things MUCH MUCH worse. You're here because you WANT to be here, enjoying your life. Remember that when it gets tough, that's what I try to do. I wasn't enjoying my life when I was using AT ALL, in fact I hated my life and myself. It's only been 23 days for me (this time around, I also had a year and then went out) but already I am enjoying my life like I never thought I would again. Keep your chin up!