LovesLife

I posted a few days ago that my AD is in jail - 30 days or maybe 21 (I don't really know). The charge was disturbing the peace, and I did not bail her out. My older daughter feels that I should go to the jail and offer her a choice - a bail out if she wants to go directly to a longer term rehab (one that follows the 12-step program - not medication therapy.)
She's been in jail 6 days now.
I have talked to her twice, and she says she had had a lot of time to think. (not hard to figure that one out.) I asked her if she had thought about a 30-day or longer rehab. She said yes. But I know it's easy to say that when you are in jail and want to get out. I also know that recovery has to be up to her. I just don't know what to do. They could decide to let her out at any time. She lost her place to live, and her coming to my home is not an option, for a lot of reasons. But if she sincerely wanted to work on recovery, there are residential options for those completing a rehab program and wanting the support of others in the same situation.
Thanks to all of you who read this. I really want to know what advice you might have.

embraced2000

all i can tell you is my own experiences with my xh in jail for dui's, pi's,etc.......he was always ready to do anything, just to get out. he would tell me anything he thought i wanted to hear, make promises, learnd his lesson....just get me out and i'll prove it to you.

each time, the promises and ready to do anythings lasted long enough to start the car and get home. always willing to do anything, anything at all....except this and that, and this and that. but all else he was willing to do....which meant continue on his chaos.

just my experience. others will be along with more insight.

best to you

LovesLife

Thanks, embraced. Those are the thoughts I had too. I don't think I'm inclined to do what my older daughter thinks I should do as far as going down to the jail and offering her an option. I had vowed to Let Go and Let God and not interfere in her having to bear the consequences of her actions. I believe I need to stick to my guns on that. I hope I will get some more comments on this. Thanks in advance.

sojourner

IMHO, she found drugs/alcohol on her own, she has to find recovery on her own. If she went to recovery under your other daughter's terms, it would diminish her ability to think she is capable of finding her way out all by herself.

Sue

Taking5

Can you get the judge to alter her sentence? Out of jail and into rehab, if rehab is not completed, back to jail for the remainder of her sentence (and maybe more?). I am not sure how you would go about doing this but it is worth looking into.

LGLG07

I have never experienced this so I dont really have any advice to offer .
I have however been in difficult situations regarding my ah and have found that
when I start to follow my own advice , I know Im doing the right thing .

Look at this from outside the box , Shes not your daughter for a minute but a friends daughter instead . What would you tell her to do ???

Lots of luck to you and God Bless !
((()))ss

minnie

How's about waiting till she asks to go to rehab rather than making suggestions?

I learnt that saying "AA/counselling or I leave" only meant that the "not leave" option was taken - not because it was wanted, but because it was easier than me leaving.

LovesLife

I appreciate the responses. I know it comes from wise people. You are all right. I have to fight the urge to want to "fix it". It's hard. But that's what I have to do. It comes down to her wanting recovery and wanting it more than anything else in her life. Because if she doesn't get it, the progression of the disease will only get worse. I have seen that with my own eyes. Thanks to all of you for hearing me, and I know you would tell me if I was dead wrong.

brdlvr

Just giving my experiance. My xabf was in and out of jail. He always said what he would do when he got out. He would go to treatment, would never drink again, learned his lesson. This time in - he even got accepted to a half way house. Said right up until he got out that he would go. Well, he got out, made some excuse why he didn't go and as far as I can tell, is back to drinking.

And what is to say that you bail her out, and a) she decide she doesn't need a program and doesn't go or b: all is good and she even keeps her word of going to the program ( to appease you) and she decides it's not for her and walks right out of the program.

Bottom line: they have to be the one to decide to go to treatment - only them.

Sav

Promises made while under duress are meaningless. I don't like to admit it, but I think I'd promise the sun and moon if I were in there to get out (if even half what I hear is true!).

30 days isn't that long a time for someone who spends all their time getting high/drunk (well, it is, but it's not like she's losing a job or whatnot from the sound of it). It's a painful way to clean out, but if she survives it (sounds like she is) then she'll have a clear head when she gets out. Then she can make the decision on her own.

Joi

She will (as I did as an alcoholic) say anything. Do what you have to. P.S. If you really love her, leave her in jail a few more hours and watch "when a man loves a woman" with Meg Ryan. Best of Luck.