Beligerent

So here I am 35 years old and facing another first week of sobriety. I've tried to quit drinking before and made it a month here or a week here. Last week I had a physical and the blood tests revealed elevated liver functions. Next week I need to have an ultrasound to determine the level of damage to my liver. My wife has been nagging me for years to quit and I am ready. Whats the problem you ask? Well, I dont like who I am when I'm sober. Have any of you ever felt this way?

When I'm drinking I am funny, talkative, and just generally a good person to be around ( I think) and when I havent had a 12 pack in a few days I can feel it in my personality. I'm moody, whiny, depressed, negative, short tempered and just all around yuck. I'm actually afraid of the sober guy I'll become.

-Norm

best

That is what I thought also till I went to a few parties and stayed sober while others became talkative and funny. Opps!

In AA they have 12 steps used to help us find answers.
The 12 work to help us learn to grow and not be the grumpy old ..... we can be.
Such things get learned as... What makes me so pissed off and what can I do about it?
Sure can change your whole outlook by giving the 12 steps a try.

Sav

This is an incredibly hard thing to deal with. You have to remember, that if you've been doing this for years (Especially during formative child-teen years), then you've essentiially "medicated" yourself/numbed yourself so that all those experiences that you have, happy ones, painful ones, anger,sadness, you learned while drunk/drugged.

Your emotional maturity is stunted, you haven't learned to grow into yourself as a person. Whenever you started abusing, that's the point you stopped maturing.
So you're now faced with having to "learn" to be the person you are at the age you are...when you're emotional/experiencal (word? ) contect is that of someone years younger.

Just recognizing this is a huge asset. At least then, you can try to approach life with an attitude of "well, I'm learning again, slowly but surely!"

Don't let it get you down. Try to practice. Start with going to places you have no normal association with in your life. A church you don't normally go to, a group or social club oyu wouldn't normally visit. Practice being "freindly". Try building a character of "who you want to be" in your mind (but still be honest!). Eventually, with practice, this will become a natural thing.

And the great thing, is if it works out, you may find some new, great friends and activities to do while sober!!!

Rowan

I used to hate the thought of being sober - especially in social situations.

But as Best alluded to, when you're the sober guy or gal at the party and see the 'fun, talkative' people, you may see yourself in them, and it can be an eye-opener! More like 'rowdy, obnoxious, or loud' - that was me.

Why don't you give sobriety a try, Norm? Many of us here know exactly what it feels like to give up drinking, with all it's inherent fears. I wouldn't feed you a line - I truly love my life today - now that I'm sober. I have a new appreciation for my family, for my health, my home, and the list goes on.

Please keep posting, and let us know you are doing.

Rowan

Nuudawn

My money is on the idea that you have NO IDEA who sober guy is. Sober guy is not "sober"... he's dude in withdrawal waiting for his next drink/binger and his supposed "real personality" to kick in. Bullcrap.
At barely 7 months sober that is a fairly new realization. I recently came across a good friend of mine's sister. I often only see her during the day.. she always quite tightly wound and unhappy when I see her. The other night she arrived at my girlfriends...fairly dour... but with bottle in hand. I watched her slowly unfold into her wild woman drunk personality drink by drink until she was incapacitated.

I realized then just how much booze eventually takes... it truly does take "you"... we are eventually "suspended" ....between drinks ..and pretty miserable about the reality interludes between cuz we have no bloody idea what to do with ourselves... cuz really...who are we... it's been so long, we have forgotten or worse, never been developed.

GlassPrisoner

Word.

At 9 months, I still don't have a clue who I am. I've got a pretty darn good idea who I was though. And I don't like THAT person.

barb dwyer

wow nuudawn ... that was good.

CarolD

Give your liver time to improve
with abstinence.

Give your personality time to improve
using AA recovery.

Take care of yourself
because no one else can.

Lbad

You reminded me of that whole "Don't leave before the miracle happens"

It really is true. It takes time. I hated myself when I got clean/sober. I was pretty much devoid of any personality.....
I did trust my support system who told me "It will get better if you just don't pick up no matter what!" I don't know why I trusted them.. I guess I was pretty hopeless and needed something to cling to. Anyway.. they were right! lol Imagine that. Today I love who I am becoming. It is a journey never ending.

PS: Best, your post made me lol "oops!" ha ha

ttfn
gtg
Bad

pingtheduck

Hi Norm,
I hear you! 16 years sober and then some family stuff went down and I dealt with it by using ( and using and using...) OTC meds so everyone around me wouldn't be 'dragged through' my moodiness. One thing that really helped me first time around - and I'm back to it - is noticing that the brain, moods and physical body are all interdependent. To echo all the smart people on this board.. it'll get better as your body, brain,spirit and nervous system heal.

Two books that have helped me...
Seven Weeks to Sobriety and David Burn's Feeling Good..

Keeping a good thought for you and thanks for helping me by posting!

pingtheduck

Hey Norm,

I just have to add one more thing..

It sounds so much like your moods are part of the withdrawal/detox process. It helps me to think of it that way because I know this soon shall pass..

Take good care..

NOMOMERLOTMAMMA

Hi Norm!

Glad that you are here. When I read the title of your post, you could've put my name next to it!

Everyone has good advice..

Karen

Jules62

Hi Norm,

Hang in there-nudawn was so right-you don't really know who sober guy is yet.I don't know who sober Jules is yet really either-but I am discovering I'm far less reactive/quick to anger these days(I used to go off at the slightest thing-especially when drinking)

I was also very scared that I'g go from Miss life of the party to Miss Boring in 0.5 seconds-but I'm finding out that isnt true.I'm still funny-in fact-I think I'm quicker now that my brain isn't fogged with alcohol all the time.But it was a very real concern for me so I do understand.

I am very early in recovery-but I'm finding out who I am-and she's not as bad I thought.Hang in there-it takes time but it gets better,

Jules xox

AcceptingChange

great posts.
in my social outings, i'm relying on caffeine.
see, i need something, because i'm a cowardly SOB.
i don't have the courage to just be myself. so, i used to
just GET THROUGH parties by drinking.
I'd drink before the party. Drinking before the party was the equivalent
of putting on my funny-guy clown makeup.
I'm much funnier at party-time when i can shut down
my self-judgement, when i don't care what i say,
when i don't care who's feelings i roll over.
Hey, i'm just 'keeping it real, peeple'.

Cuz that's the way i approach parties. Really,
i'd rather not go. But, i know that not going creates a reputation for me as the
'guy who hates the group' or whatever. So, i'd go.
But i'd drink before and during. And that created a mask for me.

But by wearing that alcohol mask, i chemically
changed my personality to become someone i'm not, but rather someone
i think the group wants me to be.
The result was some laughs on the night of the party.
But the downside was i got confused about who i am.
And others were confused about who i am too.
And i'd up getting mad at others for not knowing who i really was,
deep down. This anger would come about from non-party time comments
they'd make about me.
But how could they know who i was? I never showed them.
I was too busy trying to be funny, forcing myself to be someone else.

anyway, i decided i told enough jokes over the years.
i'm gonna find out if the other people are as funny as i thought i was.

So, you can also be the guy the loud, hafta-be-funny-people
tell their jokes to. instead of being the talker, just be the listener/laugher.
people love that!

getr345

Give it time. Suffer through it. I think in time you'll really get to like the "sober" you. But if you don't give yourselves a chance to meet, you'll never know. Trust me, nobody is a better person when they're intoxicated. Congrats on this move forward. It really will pay off. In time.