chicago

i have to be honest about this and share it to other AA'ers. i just came from a meeting and left feeling crappy. a girl with alot of time who is very sick spiritually recently made advances towards me. i had learned from a bad experience i had with a girl of similiar capacity (alot of time but very sick) not to get involved. plus i wasnt attracted to her. at any rate i saw her at our huge young peoples meeting tonight. she was acting very hostile towards me and attempting to alienate me. afterwards she gathered a big group to fellowship and normally i would have gone. but i felt i couldnt go because she was going to be there. in the previous weeks she has attacked me personally in the form of text messages/rambling phone messages. not once did i respond because i didnt want to be drawn into her drama. well, now i have been drawn in just because she is attempting to alienate me. i still refuse to get into a verbal war with her. at any rate, i will continute to go to this meeting because i have for a long time. i just am disappointed that so many sick people in AA makes things uncomfortable. i feel like crap and i think its time to pray because God always gives me answers when i ask for help. thanks for letting me get that off my chest.

best

When the actions of others start to get to me... I try looking at things from their perspective that way I can better understand things and deal with it inside myself much better.

You did good and something that may work out well if the opportunity arises...
Rather then and outright no... just explain... I think you are nice but I am not ready for dating just yet. She won't feel as rejected and you won't be thinking of what she does or doesn't say or do.

Misscat

It sounds like you are doing the right thing by ignoring her attempts to make you feel badly about yourself. I bet that once she realizes that she isnt going to have much of an effect on you, she'll give up. People like that are a waste of energy, concentrate on yourself and those who treat you the way you expect to be treated.

Pilgrim

Hi Chicago. That sux. Sorry to hear you have to deal with that sort of rubbish. You sound like you are doing all the right things so good for you.

Aducksdelight

Hi Chicago,

I am sorry you are dealing with all that, it certainly is a pain. My sponsor told me that when I have animosity or bad feelings about a person, I ought to pray for tem (if you pray) every day for two weeks. Pray they get everything they are looking for and that they are happy, productive people. It isn't easy but it takes away the animosity and actually kind of makes you feel closer to a person. One person should not prevent you from building other contacts or make you feel uncomfortable. Ignore her hostility if you must but don't let it effect your activities.

Rowan

If you find that you are feeling alienated, I would grab on to a newcomer and take them out for a coffee after the meeting. You'll surely end up feeling better if you put your energy and focus on someone else.
And - I hope you continue to go to this meeting. Hopefully she'll move on to someone else with her hostility.

Aristo

Something that was suggested to me was that the person or situation itself doesn't make you feel crappy - it's your own thoughts that do. You, yourself can choose to either take the person or situation on board and make yourself feel bad OR you can choose to recognise the situation for what it is, understand that what ever the other person is feel and saying is only their reality and not yours , therefore not bring yourself into it.

I know, easy to say - but hard to do.

I find it hard myself to take my own best advice.

Good luck with it.