liesagain

So Ah came home for the weekend.................
I picked him up and brought him back

He got a job friday morning...by riding the bus and he was actually proud of himself or so it seemed.............so when I got there I drove him to the lab for the drug screen........then we left for home

The job will be giving him a van on Weds..............but he needed a way to get back and forth......monday tuesday and weds morning

SO, he rented a car( I paid for it out of the business account)

It will be two weeks before he gets paid..................so I bought him some starter tools( he will be putting the expensive ones on account with the job)

and I bought groceries for him, so he will have something to pack for lunches and such for the time before he gets paid..............

So I guess I'm as bad as his mom.................I keep telling myself its his money too and he needs these things to start working and so he can stay and finish his treatment...................and actually I dont feel bad about doing it this time.................I just decided that he will either do the right thing or he wont but at least if he doesnt he wont have any excuses.............plus its his money too and my last justification is I didnt give him any cash............I just got the things he needed.............is he gonna do the right thing? I dont know but its up to him not me, I am just trying not to have expectations

However, he also asked/told me that he has concerns about having paychecks.............and he wanted to open an account there ............and put my name on it too so I have access to the money and he doesnt just have "all the money unaccounted for" plus he said.............you will need it to keep helping out at home, that he doesnt need anything beyond food, rent for the 1/2 way house and incidentials...........

When the relaping started I took him off all of our accounts personal and business...........and he has no account at this time and he says the job only direct deposits( anyone ever heard that before I havent) so he has to get an account.............

my concern is that if he messes up the account?? But also if he tells me he doesnt want to be the only one with access to the money hes asking for my help, with the bank acoout..........by being on the account..... what should I do?

Lovestoomuch

I think it boils down to this. What do you feel comfortable doing?

On one hand, If he does mess up this account and you are a signor or it, it can and will affect you negatively just as much as it will him. Are you willing to rush money into the account should it be short or in the red? Do you want to worry about one more detail on top of everything else?

On the other hand, this will give you access to funds should you need them to help with the household expenses you've been left with while he is recovering in rehab.

Or........is he willing to have the account in his name only and write you a check every week for an amount that will help you maintain the household while he is away?

There's a few things to consider at any rate, but seriously and again.........this decision shouldn't be about him, but more about you and what you can live with.......and of course, all said with love.

hope213

i am glad he is doing good. i.m.o. i would not want my name on his account.he is in early recovery & i would be scared of bad checks if he did go back to using.it is just my thoughts.he needs to learn to taKE of him self but you do what u r comfortable with.prayers for both of you.

Hangin' In

Me, personally, wouldn't go near a checking account with him.

He's an adult and it's high time he learn how to manage his money. He can always just give you the money he is saying he wants you to have for whatever the expenses are. Keeping you tied to the checking account just keeps you tied to being reponsible for something for which he should be responsible. I keep hearing a definition of codependency running through my head: "Codependency is doing for someone what they can do for themself."

I finally learned as long as I kept doing for my AD, she'd let me. She only learned to do for herself when I got out of the way and let her sink or swim.

If he wants to give you "X" amount of dollars out of each paycheck, just tell him to do it upfront, before he deposits it in HIS checking account.

Just my 2 cents worth...
P.S. Can you tell I've been burned in the area of having a name on a shared checking account?

dollydo

If there is an over draft you are responsible for it. He is an adult, time to consider letting him become one.

As for the other decisions, you made them, time will tell, I hope it all works out for you.

kriz

I know I'm new to the game but I can give you some advice about the money situation... I have found that on many occasions when my boyfriend and I were sharing an account he was good, but when I started to manage and do things for him he just backtracked. I think that the other ladies are right, let him give you money every week and put it in your account, then you won't be responsible if he does anything to ruin the status of the account.
I guess in the end you have to cover your own ass... Even when you're trying to be trusting and supportive.