Momsrainbow

New to the site. Hubby loves his drugs and his druggie friends. He says he is not on drugs-I saw it with my own eyes wks. ago.I am a "rat" he says-I did call his parole offficer and told him exactly what was going on. Hubby needs more help than I can possibly give him. Parole office is overloading-local police (my best friend) says to give up on him-hubby will kill himself. Does not make sense to me???

splendra

hey (((((momsrainbow))))

It sounds somewhat harsh.

We are dealing with a very cunning and baffling disorder. I guess the lawmen and women see this stuff everyday and they get kinda detached. They may forget that they are talking to a person about their loved one. Death is something we all have to face. Addiction does kill people and so does a lot of other things.

My mind set is that we are all going to go one day no matter what my head thinks nobody goes before their time but, my heart is still afraid for my loved ones who are still using....

Lovestoomuch

Putting it not so harshly..........You can't help nor can you save your AH from his addiction by turning him in or turning yourself inside out for him. He has to want to get clean and start a recovery program. He has to desire recovery and not because that's what you want him to do. His addiction is his to own and decide what to do with. It's not yours.

What you can do.......what you actually have the power to do is take care of yourself. Learn how detachment works when you're dealing with addiction and then try it........baby steps.........find Nar-Anon or Al-Anon meetings in your area and meet folks face to face who are going through this. Start taking your focus off of him and placing it where it needs to be.........yourself. You can't save him, but you can save yourself. All said with love. It stops when we say it does.

hope213

let go or be dragged. turn him over to your H.P. we can do nothing for our addicts.read around,read the stickys.drugs can kill them but the stress they put us through can kill us.we are powerless over anyone but ourselves.save yourself.i know it is hard to let go of someone you love but until he wants to help himself, you can do nothing.this is the truth.we have all been where you are.prayers,hope

BigSis

When I first discovered my children were addicts, I heard "let them go". !?!? The idea was foreign to me. How could I "let go" of my children!? My youngest was only 17... and addicted to meth.

What I have discovered since then, is that much, if not most of my help was actually doing 2 things -

1. Allowing them to continue using and
2. Stealing from them the opportunities to learn

Every time I paid a bill they owed, it allowed them to use their money on drugs, and it kept them from having natural consequences to their actions. Most humans learn from natural consequences.

Detatchment, for me, meant to stop helping so much. Even if that meant I could no longer provide a roof over their heads. At some point, each of my addicted children needed to learn how to provide for their own needs.

I wish you well.

Ann

Therein lies your answer, Momsrainbow. Nothing we say or don't say, or do or don't do, will make a lick of difference until the pain of using becomes greater than the fear of getting clean.

My son is an addict and I spent years trying to save him, and all I really did was to make his life easier while he continued to use. I spent my days living in fear, anger, resentment and denial until I found some live meetings and began working this program.

I'm glad you found us, you'll get lots of support here from people who truly do understand. We care and we're walking beside you through all of this.

Hugs

parentrecovers

what about your recovery? you going to alanon or naranon? blessings, k

rahsue

sounds like you already have a boundary or two so as long as you keep yourself in sight and do whatever you need to do to keep yourself sane is the right choice. People can give all the advice they want (some unwanted)but the bottom line is what you are willing to do or not do. I have found bits of good for me advice in just about everyones advice so take away what you want to use and forget the rest.
good luck

nytepassion

My ex-husband constantly denied he was using .. I could catch him in the act and he would lie straight to my face .. telling me that I was crazy and making stuff up... One time he got put in jail on the weekend and when Monday rolled around I called up the DA and told him that my husband was using meth and he needed help .. I asked him to try to get the judge to order treatment or oneday we we're going to have a dead man on our hands .. Well the DA told my husband that I called and my ex denied everything, said I was lying and he was pi$$ed at me for calling the DA ...ultimately they just let him go and well 11 yrs later Scott lost his life to dope.

Him calling you a rat is part of the disease's tactics to manipulate you into shutting up ... it is to stiffle you from outting him and his dirty little secret .. addiction is sick and twisted and the addicts brain becomes warped in its thinking .. the addict has a mission .. and that is to keep the addiction fed .. nothing else can truly matter ... addiction takes precedence over all else ...

You don't have to give up on him for him to kill himself .. the truth of the matter is .. He has given up on himself .. and if he is using he is slowly but surely killing himself already.

The addict is going to do what the addict does and that is use ..

You are the one that is here reaching out for life to be different .. and this is one of the places that you will find many that have walked the path before you and can help guide you through the process

****{Hugs}}}
Passion