minnie

I had an interesting experience whilst driving back from my parents' house this evening and wanted to share with you all.

I live out in the sticks and have to drive down a twisty non-highway type road. And believe me, roads in the UK were not always built with SUVs in mind!! Well, Friday night being the night for people racing back home from work, or just racing around in general, I had two incidents where something serious could have happened, but miraculously did not.

Ever had that adrenaline rush when you've had a near miss? I usually get it when I pass a cop car on the highway, tbh, but I got it twice tonight. And you know what? That feeling was exactly the same as I had when I had my moments of high drama with my ex. Or more latterly, when I have had contact with him, which is, thankfully, once in a blue moon.

It just confirmed to me why these relationships can be addictive. I felt alive - not in a stand-on-a-mountaintop-shouting-to-the-wind way, but in some kind of primeval, fight or flight kind of thing.

I think I gotta take up sky-diving.

CE Girl

ha,ha,ha,ha,ha,,,Minnie,,,

In my hippiedom, I call it "ants marching"

And yup, being of the "eclectic" nature, I LOVE when one of them ants is a RENEGADE!!!

Ok, so I already sky dive, I mountain bike, usually WAY to fast down the washed out road. I climb rock faces, surf in 20 foot wells, run like I'm 20 (ummmm,,a tad further along chronologically) and drive my convertable mustang like Mario Andretti. My kids are TERRIFIED I'm gonna kill myself. But I'm always looking for what I can do next that will provide that adrenelin rush.

Hmmmmmm,,,maybe us codies have the same need for that 'rush" as our A's. That
could be what makes us good "targets" ummmmmm,,I meant partners, ya thats it,,

So whats the problem? Its part of your core sweetie. The key is outlets that are HEALTHY. I for one, don't WANT to change that part of me. Makes me WAY kool,,lol.

Come on out here girl. i'll teach ya how to jump outta a perfectly GOOD plane,,,

Oh, and one other thing. JMHO but relationships that are addictive to the RIGHT person, is not a BD thing. Its only when you lose your core theres a problem.

Peace

embraced2000

i can identify with that, minnie. you explained it very well.

TexasGirl

Hmmm....I think that's interesting, Minnie. I'm going to give it some thought to see how/if it applies to my life. Very interesting thought!

embraced2000

i've been thinking on this thread overnight and wanted to comment further.

that primevel feeling that you described..........the fight or flight adrenalin rush that we all experience in moments of danger......the built in survival tool.

i've had this feeling many times throughout my life in, what i would call extreme situations......like the near car accident that you described.....or moments when my children were in harms path, like choking, or falling in a pool.....or times when i've been physically threatened and knew i had to fight or run. the feeling seemed to be an instinct that served to protect me.

however, i''ve had the watered down version of that same feeling nearly since childhood. very uneasy, unsettling feeling that i was always on alert, always scoping the horizon for "something"......when things were calm and easy, i was even more unsettled.

then my marriage to xh.....he gave me all that i needed in that way....the constant chaos and drama.....when i say i was hooked on him, i truly believe i was chemically hooked.

with his latest drama, i got a fix, again. however, i got my fix but didn't act upon my impulses to rescue.

i think it is this addiction of mine that is very capable of making me very physically sick......feeding this addiction of mine gave me high blood pressure during my years with my ex, also gave me heart palpations, and other problems.

when i think of what i have put my poor body through with the need for this feeling, it saddens me. but, i have since discovered other means of feeding the addiction, but in a more positive way.

i bought an ab-lounger, some other pieces of exercise equipment....and altho i truly hate to exercise, have forced myself to exercise everyday for 30 minutes for the past 3 years. i have slowly replaced the need for this chemical that i forced my body to make, with a chemical that exercise produces. i also garden with a vigor.

it is so easy to slip back into wanting that flight or fight fix.....just like these past few days with xh issues. but we weren't made to have that feeling all the time....it takes a toll on us.

anyway, thanks for the post.....it was very timely.

i know this is long and rambling....the beauty of sr.......therapeutic ramblings...

minnie

You got it, Jeri.

You know, I have a sneaky feeling that Cortisol (one of the flight or flight chemicals) has a lot to do with all sorts of dysfunctional behaviour.

For eg http://observer.guardian.co.uk/magaz...580961,00.html

I find I am in a constant battle between feeling "alive" and not and making sure that the alive feelings come from positive stuff rather than created by the negative.

DesertEyes

You're absolutely right. It's also one of the hormones, along with serotonin that is found to be out of normal range in folks with eating disorders. Especially bullimics.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/10219756/site/newsweek/

There's a type of benign tumor that some folks get (like could happen to me, as a side effect of taking steroids to control my neuropathy ) that press on the pituitary gland, which then puts out too much cortisol, which affects the thyroid and together cause raging bullimia.

Take out the tumors, cortisol is back to normal, and the "pseudo-bullimia" goes away.

Which is why a thorough physical exam is a good idea for everybody. Cortisol levels can be tested with an ordinary blood panel.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cortisol

Mike