I didn't react to him!!!!! YEAH!!!!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: dysfunction junction,nc
Posts: 381
I didn't react to him!!!!! YEAH!!!!!
Last night i came home from a lingerie party and my husband was drinking. Its usually been beer but this time he had downed a few beers and a pint of whiskey. BOY! He thought he was sooooooo cute. I walked through the door and he was cooking, just grinning from ear to ear as if " I can do whatever I want to, wanna fight?". Well, I put my things away and got a bath. Then I put on my PJ's and totally ignored him. He was talking to himself saying things like...Boy I love being ignored. I would just glance over and look away. I ordered a few pay per view movies for him to pay for and when he went out like a light I cried my heart out. He is on medication that shouldn't be mixed with alcohol and it scares the daylights out of me but I'm not letting him know that it is hurting me. When I decided to make a change in the way I deal with him I really meant it. The more he thinks he isn't getting under my skin the more it is no fun for him anymore. I really believe that my husband gets a kick at the time out of doing what he knows is a total screw up! Well, this morning as he felt just totally sick to his stomach I offered up a few eggs over easy and grits with country ham and red eye gravy! Needless to say he didn't want any part of that
You know without opening my mouth I have other ways of getting to him.I still haven't said a word about it and I won't. This is his decision because its his life. Sometimes I wonder if I am strong enough to not say anything everytime! Wonder if its humanly possible
??????
Still learning....
2many2count
You know without opening my mouth I have other ways of getting to him.I still haven't said a word about it and I won't. This is his decision because its his life. Sometimes I wonder if I am strong enough to not say anything everytime! Wonder if its humanly possible ??????Still learning....
2many2count
Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Bristol TN/VA
Posts: 12,431
I know the situation isn't funny...indeed I can picture it very well, but I have to admit, I came unglued laughing when you got to the part about eggs for breakfast!!!
Now,...for you, have you checked out some al-anon meetings?
They are sanity savers!!!
hugs,
live
Now,...for you, have you checked out some al-anon meetings?
They are sanity savers!!!
hugs,
live
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: dysfunction junction,nc
Posts: 381
Live-
In my itty bitty town, we have 1 alanon meeting a week and it is in the absolute armpit of town where I wouldn't dare go alone at night. So I come here and read. My husband used to attend the AA meetings during the day and when he stopped I started reading his books to try to understand things better. Actually I'm just fumbling my way through this and trying to laugh daily to keep me sane. I try to do at least one rotten thing to him everyday that he makes me miserable. Like tonight he wanted me to fix this elaborate meal and guess what I fixed? Peanut Butter and jelly sandwiches and tater chips!!!!
The runny eggs were funny!!!!Wish you could've seen his GREEN face!
2many2count
In my itty bitty town, we have 1 alanon meeting a week and it is in the absolute armpit of town where I wouldn't dare go alone at night. So I come here and read. My husband used to attend the AA meetings during the day and when he stopped I started reading his books to try to understand things better. Actually I'm just fumbling my way through this and trying to laugh daily to keep me sane. I try to do at least one rotten thing to him everyday that he makes me miserable. Like tonight he wanted me to fix this elaborate meal and guess what I fixed? Peanut Butter and jelly sandwiches and tater chips!!!!
The runny eggs were funny!!!!Wish you could've seen his GREEN face!
2many2count
Member
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Mich
Posts: 212
2many2count,
Boy do we have some similaritys!! I too have trouble NOT saying anything and have been keeping my big ol' mouth shut....I know from experience with my dh that when I don't take his bait, things get a LOT better....it does take the fun out of it and it also takes away his excuses, he can't blame me for nagging or yelling or whatever he'll say I do! I've decided also to let HIM make his own decisions and enjoy him when he is sober....funny thing happened last night...I thought last Thursday and Friday that the world was going to crash around me...I thought we were headed for serious problems..well, that was when I decided to make changes with myself FOR myself...Sunday and yesterday, we actually had really good days...and he approached me last night and said "You know, we really need to make time for US. We have jobs and are parents, but we don't spend enough time together and we really need to. We also need to do more family things"...this shocked me....
I'm dying to know if he's thinking that he's done drinking or not, but I am NOT going to ask or go there with him...it'll just disappoint me if he says no or if he says yes and then drinks again! He did mention that he thought he was STILL sweating out the booze yesterday and he hasn't had a drink since Saturday. He felt terrible all day at work..oh yeah..and he helped cook dinner.....that's another first!
Anyhow, what I meant to say to you...before I went off on my tangent (sorry I do that sometimes)...is that if you need to vent or cry or share your hurt feelings...do it..do NOT keep it bottled up. At the same time, keep doing what you are..don't go there with him....it might take time, but I have seen changes (Of course, this isn't the first time I've been through this...my husband has been up and down with his addiction the last 4 years...I believe that we've had more and more time between his relapses and for the last year or so, I've been hands off of him and this has helped my peace of mind and the entire household!)
Hang in there and kudos to you for not only not letting him see how upset you were but for also getting back at him the next morning....good slimy eggs are a wonderful idea the morning after...of course, I'd take it a step farther and eat them right in front of him and make a point of going on and on about how good they are!
Keep smiling!
Boy do we have some similaritys!! I too have trouble NOT saying anything and have been keeping my big ol' mouth shut....I know from experience with my dh that when I don't take his bait, things get a LOT better....it does take the fun out of it and it also takes away his excuses, he can't blame me for nagging or yelling or whatever he'll say I do! I've decided also to let HIM make his own decisions and enjoy him when he is sober....funny thing happened last night...I thought last Thursday and Friday that the world was going to crash around me...I thought we were headed for serious problems..well, that was when I decided to make changes with myself FOR myself...Sunday and yesterday, we actually had really good days...and he approached me last night and said "You know, we really need to make time for US. We have jobs and are parents, but we don't spend enough time together and we really need to. We also need to do more family things"...this shocked me....
I'm dying to know if he's thinking that he's done drinking or not, but I am NOT going to ask or go there with him...it'll just disappoint me if he says no or if he says yes and then drinks again! He did mention that he thought he was STILL sweating out the booze yesterday and he hasn't had a drink since Saturday. He felt terrible all day at work..oh yeah..and he helped cook dinner.....that's another first!
Anyhow, what I meant to say to you...before I went off on my tangent (sorry I do that sometimes)...is that if you need to vent or cry or share your hurt feelings...do it..do NOT keep it bottled up. At the same time, keep doing what you are..don't go there with him....it might take time, but I have seen changes (Of course, this isn't the first time I've been through this...my husband has been up and down with his addiction the last 4 years...I believe that we've had more and more time between his relapses and for the last year or so, I've been hands off of him and this has helped my peace of mind and the entire household!)
Hang in there and kudos to you for not only not letting him see how upset you were but for also getting back at him the next morning....good slimy eggs are a wonderful idea the morning after...of course, I'd take it a step farther and eat them right in front of him and make a point of going on and on about how good they are!
Keep smiling!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: dysfunction junction,nc
Posts: 381
Thank you Spedteach
I'm glad that things are looking better for you today. Last night my husband told me that he was sorry about the other night and I told him I was disappointed but I really didn't want to discuss it. I wonder if I was wrong in saying that. Should I have listened to him. I just didn't want to give him the chance to validate himself. I think he must first quit saying he is sorry when he really isn't. I feel like if he were truly sorry it wouldn't happen again and again. He used to come to me and say how sorry he was and I would melt like butter and it was like Oh you poor thing and BAM! His actions were validated and he knew that he could keep on doing it as long as he said I'm sorry. Not anymore. I don't feel sorry for him anymore. I guess it comes from years of drunken misery but I let myself down somewhere along the way and I'm trying to find her again. I feel more in control if I don't react to him or validate his drinking habits. Help me out with this.......I don't know if I should let him speak or keep my distance for the moment.
2many2count
I'm glad that things are looking better for you today. Last night my husband told me that he was sorry about the other night and I told him I was disappointed but I really didn't want to discuss it. I wonder if I was wrong in saying that. Should I have listened to him. I just didn't want to give him the chance to validate himself. I think he must first quit saying he is sorry when he really isn't. I feel like if he were truly sorry it wouldn't happen again and again. He used to come to me and say how sorry he was and I would melt like butter and it was like Oh you poor thing and BAM! His actions were validated and he knew that he could keep on doing it as long as he said I'm sorry. Not anymore. I don't feel sorry for him anymore. I guess it comes from years of drunken misery but I let myself down somewhere along the way and I'm trying to find her again. I feel more in control if I don't react to him or validate his drinking habits. Help me out with this.......I don't know if I should let him speak or keep my distance for the moment.
2many2count
Paused
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Maryland
Posts: 43
Good for you 2many! It's sooo hard not to say anything. I failed on that aspect Friday night. 
I normally just keep my mouth shut and let him do his thing, however he walked in the bedroom and grabbed his shoes, so I panicked because he was WAY too far gone to be driving anywhere. I told him no way was he going out. I know everyone says you should just let them go and let them deal with the DUI etc, but you know what. I make payments on our vehicles as well, and if he crashed it, that hurts my pocket book just as much as his. He calls up his friend and goes on about how he's a prisoner in his own house blah blah blah. But to be quite honest, I think he's grateful that I said no way, because the party he was going to run off to was busted because there were a ton of underage drinkers there, and he'd have been carted off to jail. Maybe I'm wrong for intervening in those types of situations, but that I HAVE to protect him from himself on occassion in order to protect my own interests. Does that make any sense?
Incidentally, he hasn't drank since Friday and it's been a pleasure having him sober. I highly doubt he's finished with it, just waiting for his guilt to subside, then it will be business as usual.
Also, I've pretty much given up discussing these issues with friends and family that haven't been through it. They all seem to have the answers such as "just dump it out", "don't keep alcohol in the house", "tell him to stop or you'll leave". It would be nice if it were that simple. It just isn't and they can't understand it.
I normally just keep my mouth shut and let him do his thing, however he walked in the bedroom and grabbed his shoes, so I panicked because he was WAY too far gone to be driving anywhere. I told him no way was he going out. I know everyone says you should just let them go and let them deal with the DUI etc, but you know what. I make payments on our vehicles as well, and if he crashed it, that hurts my pocket book just as much as his. He calls up his friend and goes on about how he's a prisoner in his own house blah blah blah. But to be quite honest, I think he's grateful that I said no way, because the party he was going to run off to was busted because there were a ton of underage drinkers there, and he'd have been carted off to jail. Maybe I'm wrong for intervening in those types of situations, but that I HAVE to protect him from himself on occassion in order to protect my own interests. Does that make any sense?Incidentally, he hasn't drank since Friday and it's been a pleasure having him sober. I highly doubt he's finished with it, just waiting for his guilt to subside, then it will be business as usual.
Also, I've pretty much given up discussing these issues with friends and family that haven't been through it. They all seem to have the answers such as "just dump it out", "don't keep alcohol in the house", "tell him to stop or you'll leave". It would be nice if it were that simple. It just isn't and they can't understand it.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: dysfunction junction,nc
Posts: 381
JustFedUp-I totally understand you~~~~~
You know what I do now about the driving drunk problem? I hide the keys whenever I feel the least bit unsure of what is going on. If he wants to leave that bad he can call a cab or one of his"friends". It's not up for discussion in my house anymore and he just deals with it. I have 4 kids to take care of and I don't need any lawsuits or lawyer fees knocking on my backdoor. If he doesn't like it well you know what they say...lump it! Sounds UGLY but so is his actions when he's drunk! As far as talking to other people about my problems...I gave that up a long time ago because you don't understand until you've gone through it.
Take care girl!
2many2count
You know what I do now about the driving drunk problem? I hide the keys whenever I feel the least bit unsure of what is going on. If he wants to leave that bad he can call a cab or one of his"friends". It's not up for discussion in my house anymore and he just deals with it. I have 4 kids to take care of and I don't need any lawsuits or lawyer fees knocking on my backdoor. If he doesn't like it well you know what they say...lump it! Sounds UGLY but so is his actions when he's drunk! As far as talking to other people about my problems...I gave that up a long time ago because you don't understand until you've gone through it.
Take care girl!
2many2count
Paused
Join Date: May 2003
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 39
I am learning to ignore my husband too. I learned it here.
I am "aka" RocksAnn. I joined here last Friday...
For some reason I could not reply to a posts anymore. Did I say something wrong? Never got my emails returned either.
I am "aka" RocksAnn. I joined here last Friday...
For some reason I could not reply to a posts anymore. Did I say something wrong? Never got my emails returned either.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: dysfunction junction,nc
Posts: 381
I don't think yo did anything wrong.....were you using the same computer? They use these cookies, what ever that is. If you aren't on the same computer you used when you signed up then go to login and re-enter your username and password. After you do that I would add it to my favorites. That happened to me last week for some reason and that is how I fixed it.
So...you are a Carolina girl too?
2many2count
So...you are a Carolina girl too?
2many2count
Paused
Join Date: May 2003
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 39
Yes, I'm a Carolina girl too. I've lived here 9 years this November. I moved up from Ft. Lauderdale, Florida where I grew up. I was originally born in California, though. I also, lived in Ohio from ages 3-6. I've been around:shades:
I also, lived in Ohio from ages 3-6. I've been around:shades:
Paused
Join Date: May 2003
Location: MO
Posts: 32
Way to go 2many! I did it tonight for the first time...kinda. I started to react and then stopped. Granted I was on the other line with an Al-anon buddy and it helped but I stopped myself. I feel so proud of myself. He pushed the buttons hard and they malfunctioned on him. He is having a rough time with staying sober and things pretty well suck in our reality right now. I can understand, but I feel the same feelings and I am chosing to do something different. I choose to call an Al-anon buddy and come here, and it worked. So, thank-you to all of you! You made a difference in someones life today!
Southern through and through
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: In.....trouble :-)
Posts: 1,453
Feels good, doesn't it, Sunshine and 2many? I say keep it up! I'm proud of both of you. Takes a real woman in recovery to do what ya'll have done....
Love,
Hangin' In
Love,
Hangin' In
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
