It's been awhile.....
Fool To Do Your Dirty Work
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Greenflower Street
Posts: 362
It's been awhile.....
Hi all, Happy 4th....
Let me start by saying that I have been doing OK. Working on me and definitely obsessing less about XAF. Thank God. Well, that was until yesterday when I learned that he has a "new" girlfriend who is 18 years older than him and is drinking his face off!!!! I also happen to know this woman and the three words that keep coming to mind are PATHETIC, DISGUSTING, AND RIDICULOUS....
The temptation to call and tell him this was almost overwhelming yesterday but I DID NOT do it....have maintained no contact for quite a while now. Apparently he has not been blowing up my phone with calls b/c he is busy numbing and distracting himself so he doesn't have to deal with anything. NICE.
Hopefully this is just a bump in the road and I will feel better in a few days. I have to say though, it doesn't hurt as much as I thought it would to hear he is with someone else. I think it helps me to know who she is so I can't create some fantasy that she is this knockout or whatever....does that make sense? Is that a healthy way to feel or a big red flag that I still have a long way to go???
Hope you all are well - off to work now, plan to catch up on everyone's posts later on.
Let me start by saying that I have been doing OK. Working on me and definitely obsessing less about XAF. Thank God. Well, that was until yesterday when I learned that he has a "new" girlfriend who is 18 years older than him and is drinking his face off!!!! I also happen to know this woman and the three words that keep coming to mind are PATHETIC, DISGUSTING, AND RIDICULOUS....
The temptation to call and tell him this was almost overwhelming yesterday but I DID NOT do it....have maintained no contact for quite a while now. Apparently he has not been blowing up my phone with calls b/c he is busy numbing and distracting himself so he doesn't have to deal with anything. NICE.
Hopefully this is just a bump in the road and I will feel better in a few days. I have to say though, it doesn't hurt as much as I thought it would to hear he is with someone else. I think it helps me to know who she is so I can't create some fantasy that she is this knockout or whatever....does that make sense? Is that a healthy way to feel or a big red flag that I still have a long way to go???
Hope you all are well - off to work now, plan to catch up on everyone's posts later on.
Fool To Do Your Dirty Work
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Greenflower Street
Posts: 362
I definitely don't want him back as long as he is drinking....but I guess if I am honest, I was still hanging on to some hope that he was respecting my wishes for no contact and working on getting sober so we could work things out....silly me....
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: FREEDOM
Posts: 665
hey kg girl,,,how ya doin?
Oh, I guess from your post, I pretty much know,,,lol
Well, I'm the same as you. Seems to be a "contonuim" we get ourselves into too.
I find I roll along just fine for a while, happy and content living MY life. Then ~wham~ I'm hit with an overwhelming feeling that my A is gonna "get it" and we can be together.
Damndest thing. I have NEVER felt this way with anyone I broke up with before. Not that I have a TON of expereince, but the few times I have, it was easy, compare to this, to let it go.
I would also feel the same as you when it came to another woman. I think your lucky to "know" her and that she probably "fits' for what he wants to use her for.
Oftentime, we get NUTS about worrying about if our feelings are "normal". I say, it is what it is, a FEELING. Why overanalyze it? Go with it, let yourself FEEL it, and take no action. Go on with your life. I'm finding, the longer I go WITHOUT the thoughts of my A's gonna get it, the EASIER it is to get right back on track.
Its like scraping your knee. It takes a while for the healing to begin. First you bleed, then the scab forms, the wound heals and before ya know it, the scab falls off. But damn, its still red and raw. If your lucky, it won't scar
Personally, my scab is still forming. Maybe your wound is healing?
You know, I find myself having mixed feelings about those who previously posted a lot and haven't been heard from for a while. The first is my prayer to the spirits that they didn't go back. The second is they "found" their new life and don't have as much time to post. I'm glad your the later KG,,even though we miss you
Stay Strong
Peace
Oh, I guess from your post, I pretty much know,,,lol
Well, I'm the same as you. Seems to be a "contonuim" we get ourselves into too.
I find I roll along just fine for a while, happy and content living MY life. Then ~wham~ I'm hit with an overwhelming feeling that my A is gonna "get it" and we can be together.
Damndest thing. I have NEVER felt this way with anyone I broke up with before. Not that I have a TON of expereince, but the few times I have, it was easy, compare to this, to let it go.
I would also feel the same as you when it came to another woman. I think your lucky to "know" her and that she probably "fits' for what he wants to use her for.
Oftentime, we get NUTS about worrying about if our feelings are "normal". I say, it is what it is, a FEELING. Why overanalyze it? Go with it, let yourself FEEL it, and take no action. Go on with your life. I'm finding, the longer I go WITHOUT the thoughts of my A's gonna get it, the EASIER it is to get right back on track.
Its like scraping your knee. It takes a while for the healing to begin. First you bleed, then the scab forms, the wound heals and before ya know it, the scab falls off. But damn, its still red and raw. If your lucky, it won't scar
Personally, my scab is still forming. Maybe your wound is healing?
You know, I find myself having mixed feelings about those who previously posted a lot and haven't been heard from for a while. The first is my prayer to the spirits that they didn't go back. The second is they "found" their new life and don't have as much time to post. I'm glad your the later KG,,even though we miss you
Stay Strong
Peace
Fool To Do Your Dirty Work
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Greenflower Street
Posts: 362
thanks CE... I have thought of you guys alot - it feels good to be back here - I missed you guys too!!!
i really have been doing better - actually got through my whole grocery shopping trip on Sunday and it hit me about an hour later that he didn't even cross my mind the whold time! i know it sounds crazy, but for ME, that is a HUGE victory!
Denny - I do avoid hearing about his life - my Dad passed along this info in case I decided to hop in the car one night and go there to see XAF.....he didn't want me to run into that unexpectedly....apparently he doesn't think i am as strong as i am....i would have done that a couple of months ago if i was going to do it.
It has been since 4/22 - haven't seen him at all and haven't spoken to him since that time he called and caught me off guard at work. I AM PROUD OF MYSELF FOR THAT!!!! IT HAS NOT BEEN EASY!!!!!!
I have thought of you guys alot - it feels good to be back here - I missed you guys too!!!i really have been doing better - actually got through my whole grocery shopping trip on Sunday and it hit me about an hour later that he didn't even cross my mind the whold time! i know it sounds crazy, but for ME, that is a HUGE victory!
Denny - I do avoid hearing about his life - my Dad passed along this info in case I decided to hop in the car one night and go there to see XAF.....he didn't want me to run into that unexpectedly....apparently he doesn't think i am as strong as i am....i would have done that a couple of months ago if i was going to do it.
It has been since 4/22 - haven't seen him at all and haven't spoken to him since that time he called and caught me off guard at work. I AM PROUD OF MYSELF FOR THAT!!!! IT HAS NOT BEEN EASY!!!!!!
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