how far do you have to go?
how far do you have to go? 
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,236
How far do you have to go....well....when u get sick
and tired of being sick and tired.....
Crying is good....it releases all that pent up emotions....
You dont have to wait any longer....all the help is right
there at ur finger tips....all u have to do is ....
Find u a meeting...whether it be AA or NA and raise
ur hand for a DESIRE chip....
That was my very first chip i picked up 16 yrs ago.
Of course my family stepped in and did an intervention
on me sending me to rehab for 28 days after i hit
bottom and tried to end my life....
See i tried so many times to quit drinking on my own
with no success at all....my family did for me what
I couldnt do for myself...For them im truely grateful...
With u finding SR and posting a share on how u r feeling
goes to show me that u r WILLING to do something about
ur problem....u r reaching out for help....
Many dont have the COURAGE to take that first step like
u....
Now take ur steps atad further to a nearby meeting
where more folks r waiting to help u.....
Continue to post here and ask for what u need....
If u dont understand something ...just ask....
There are many wonderful caring folks in here just
like those in face to face meetings waiting to guide u
as u begin ur recovery journey learning to live one
day at a time with out drugs and alcohol.
Im here if u need me.
and tired of being sick and tired.....
Crying is good....it releases all that pent up emotions....
You dont have to wait any longer....all the help is right
there at ur finger tips....all u have to do is ....
Find u a meeting...whether it be AA or NA and raise
ur hand for a DESIRE chip....
That was my very first chip i picked up 16 yrs ago.
Of course my family stepped in and did an intervention
on me sending me to rehab for 28 days after i hit
bottom and tried to end my life....
See i tried so many times to quit drinking on my own
with no success at all....my family did for me what
I couldnt do for myself...For them im truely grateful...
With u finding SR and posting a share on how u r feeling
goes to show me that u r WILLING to do something about
ur problem....u r reaching out for help....
Many dont have the COURAGE to take that first step like
u....
Now take ur steps atad further to a nearby meeting
where more folks r waiting to help u.....
Continue to post here and ask for what u need....
If u dont understand something ...just ask....
There are many wonderful caring folks in here just
like those in face to face meetings waiting to guide u
as u begin ur recovery journey learning to live one
day at a time with out drugs and alcohol.
Im here if u need me.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: England
Posts: 674
I am just so sad. I am a good person, I love my daughters, more than life it's self, but I am useless.
Not fundementally (I can't spell) I do all the right things, at the right times. I don't know, I just want to cry all the time at the moment, I guess I need to see a doc, but am to scared as if I tell the truth they might take my daughters away from me. I am a good mum, just had the girls school reports and they are really good, so why am I sad? Because I know that realy i am crap, my daughters have no idea that I am an alcoholic, and I don't want them to, so I keep trying to quit and I can't
Not fundementally (I can't spell) I do all the right things, at the right times. I don't know, I just want to cry all the time at the moment, I guess I need to see a doc, but am to scared as if I tell the truth they might take my daughters away from me. I am a good mum, just had the girls school reports and they are really good, so why am I sad? Because I know that realy i am crap, my daughters have no idea that I am an alcoholic, and I don't want them to, so I keep trying to quit and I can't
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,236
Your daughters will be proud of you for wanting to make
changes in ur life....they will be very supportive of you...
Alcoholism is a DISEASE...thats all it is....and ur medicine is
working the 12 steps provided to us as indicated in the
BIG BOOK OF ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS.
I have 2 kids of my own,,,20 and 23....both have excelled
very well in school and life....im so proud of them....
They learned from me what alcoholism was all about....they
know what it took for me to not drink one day at a time....
I know i use to feel useless....not important...different....
and i am different in a way from the rest of my family....
I have a disease of alcoholism and now i have the knowledge
courage and wisdom to help others just like me that will
follow....
Im glad i know what i know because i always said if my
kids ever got in trouble with drugs or alcohol then they
have a wonderful source to come to....ME FIRST....
I would want them to come to me...and to know that
they would never have to feel alone or scared....
what better persons to teach them what we know of
our disease than us...
How awesome and rewarding it is that we r who
we r....
It took me 14 yrs to finally find out about my chemical
imbalance....i delt with alcoholism and realized that
something else was wrong....my system inside was
unbalanced causing me to be anxious or low keyed....
Now im better in that department......go seek help for ur
medical issues from ur doctor and go to AA for ur alcoholism.
changes in ur life....they will be very supportive of you...
Alcoholism is a DISEASE...thats all it is....and ur medicine is
working the 12 steps provided to us as indicated in the
BIG BOOK OF ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS.
I have 2 kids of my own,,,20 and 23....both have excelled
very well in school and life....im so proud of them....
They learned from me what alcoholism was all about....they
know what it took for me to not drink one day at a time....
I know i use to feel useless....not important...different....
and i am different in a way from the rest of my family....
I have a disease of alcoholism and now i have the knowledge
courage and wisdom to help others just like me that will
follow....
Im glad i know what i know because i always said if my
kids ever got in trouble with drugs or alcohol then they
have a wonderful source to come to....ME FIRST....
I would want them to come to me...and to know that
they would never have to feel alone or scared....
what better persons to teach them what we know of
our disease than us...
How awesome and rewarding it is that we r who
we r....
It took me 14 yrs to finally find out about my chemical
imbalance....i delt with alcoholism and realized that
something else was wrong....my system inside was
unbalanced causing me to be anxious or low keyed....
Now im better in that department......go seek help for ur
medical issues from ur doctor and go to AA for ur alcoholism.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Murrieta, Ca
Posts: 2,683
How far for you ? I don't know.
That "endless cycle" seemed to be just that. It was proabably 2 years or so. I wanted to quit, and I couldn't.
For me, I had to have no hope. I had no where to go, and no where to turn to. THAT'S when I gave up and went to AA.
That "endless cycle" seemed to be just that. It was proabably 2 years or so. I wanted to quit, and I couldn't.
For me, I had to have no hope. I had no where to go, and no where to turn to. THAT'S when I gave up and went to AA.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: England
Posts: 674
I used to self harm myself. i haven't cut my self for many many years, never since i had my girls but I am feeling those thoughts again and I don't like it. I don't know what to do, the lonelyness is eating at me again like it did when I was 14, I am 36 now, thats why I am crying, how can I stop feeling this way when no one understands me. My mum never knew i did it at 14, I phoned her tonight and she is waiting two days before she will come over, "she has plans for tommrow" oh gosh I know I sound like a whingy teenager, i don't think I ever grew up, i'm sorry I don't think this is even the right place to write this :/
not a greeter
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: padmasana
Posts: 13,927
Saxony, you're not useless or any of the other words you described yourself as. You're just sick, that's all. You can get better as long as you don't give up trying to quit. You will get it. It might not be easy, but you can do it. Do it for you, and then then the rest will fall into place with your daughters. If they don't know right now of becasue they are young... now is the BEST time to quit don't you think?
Try some of the suggestions others posted. And don't worry about crying... it's all part of healing yourself.
Try some of the suggestions others posted. And don't worry about crying... it's all part of healing yourself.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,236
You r in the right place...the more u write and share then
you will find out that u r NOT ALONE....i use to think i was
unique in the way i felt...and come to find out ...i wasnt
all that unique.....there were and there r so many like me all
over the world....and most of all they r right there nearby
at my AA meetings....
You dont have to wait till ur mom get there....do u know where
AA meetings r right where u live? Get ur phone book out and
call the AA hotline ....Do you know there r many people right
now that have the phone duty tonight...thats service work...
they have the phones tonight just in case someone needs help....
or if someone needs to talk to someone...
you will find out that u r NOT ALONE....i use to think i was
unique in the way i felt...and come to find out ...i wasnt
all that unique.....there were and there r so many like me all
over the world....and most of all they r right there nearby
at my AA meetings....
You dont have to wait till ur mom get there....do u know where
AA meetings r right where u live? Get ur phone book out and
call the AA hotline ....Do you know there r many people right
now that have the phone duty tonight...thats service work...
they have the phones tonight just in case someone needs help....
or if someone needs to talk to someone...
believer
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Europe
Posts: 2,411
you don't need to hurt anymore...for me it is putting myself first..self love in every action...that was my change..
we all care for you...remember..you are not alone....besides you have yourself...
we all care for you...remember..you are not alone....besides you have yourself...
Last edited by Alive; 07-03-2007 at 04:17 PM.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,236
When i started drinking i was maybe about 16 17...i learned
thru AA,,,,and see i would never have known this unless i
got sober...but when i started drinking i stopped growing
emotionally...so i was still a teenager really emotionally
when i got sober at 30 yrs old.....
Anyway,,,,thru my recovery journey i have had to learn
to grow all over again emotionally but in a sober way...
beginning with one step at a time....getting to know
who i really am.....
Drinking numbed me for so long ..i was paralysed with fear,
shame, guilt, resentments and more.....
Recovery is a new way of life ...its a journey....
And you NEVER have to go thru ur journey alone....
There r many who will hold ur hand as u take each step
at a time....just like a baby learning to crawl first...
to a child taking his first steps to walking by urself
with Courage and knowledge and Wisdom.
thru AA,,,,and see i would never have known this unless i
got sober...but when i started drinking i stopped growing
emotionally...so i was still a teenager really emotionally
when i got sober at 30 yrs old.....
Anyway,,,,thru my recovery journey i have had to learn
to grow all over again emotionally but in a sober way...
beginning with one step at a time....getting to know
who i really am.....
Drinking numbed me for so long ..i was paralysed with fear,
shame, guilt, resentments and more.....
Recovery is a new way of life ...its a journey....
And you NEVER have to go thru ur journey alone....
There r many who will hold ur hand as u take each step
at a time....just like a baby learning to crawl first...
to a child taking his first steps to walking by urself
with Courage and knowledge and Wisdom.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: England
Posts: 674
I tried AA last year, my mum looked after my toddler for three meetings, she thought i would be ok after that (this was day time meetings, so I got to go to 3 meetings in 3 weeks) like I said, no one gets it, but this in the woman that never noticed I self harmed myself at 14 :/
I have 3 daughters, but she would never look after them all so i can go to meetings every night. Last year I asked my dad if he would, he just said I am not bad enough to need AA. I just need to not drink so much apparently?
I have 3 daughters, but she would never look after them all so i can go to meetings every night. Last year I asked my dad if he would, he just said I am not bad enough to need AA. I just need to not drink so much apparently?
Member
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Pasadena, CA
Posts: 1,539
find someone else to help, call the AA office and tell them of your situation.
get a babysitter, call a friend......keep reaching out!!!
in my life, talking with others in pain always helps, they understand!!!
get a babysitter, call a friend......keep reaching out!!!
in my life, talking with others in pain always helps, they understand!!!
believer
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Europe
Posts: 2,411
i can see people around you are not understanding....but you do...and that is the major part..you know what you need to do...i know being a mom and taking care of yourself is very hard..but there are people here who made it...so you can too...somehow you're going to do this..i know..
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,236
My mom today and maybe the rest of my siblings and so on
think all this crap is in my head...that i was drinking and all
that stuff for attention.....
Hey u know what....it doesnt matter what they think and they
can continue to think all they want...because it still wont
matter....this disease is mine...no one elses...
Me getting sober is for me...i know what alcohol did to me
and how it affected others around me....
I didnt get sober or stayed sober for anyone else but me....
I went to noon meetings alot while my kids were in school
and if i still needed to go at night,,,,my spouse watched them....
I learned that if i found time to drink or go buy alcohol then
i can find time to go to meetings.....
A few meetings would not have cured me...i will never
be cured of my disease.....do u know of people that r diabetics
that can eat normally again...ever....they have to take
meds and shots and exercise and all they need to do
to stay healthy....well so do we as alcoholics....
Going to meetings as a daily routine...esp in early recovery
willl allow u to get into the habit of going....its
repeating the same routine over and over again
and recieiving positive results from it.....
Even today for me at 16 yrs sober....there will always
be someone or something that will tick me off or wont
go my way....and what i use to do before was drink over
it...i go to a meeting and talk about it.....or listen to others
going thru the same thing as i learn to deal with it....they
can teach me something i dont know about it....
As far as the cutting .....u r doing that for a reason...just like
i with drinking...i drank to numb the feelings i had towards my
mom for the way she treated me...she abused me physically
and verbally and not my other 3 siblings...i hated her
for that....
But in her own disease...she did what she only knew
how....thank God i didnt abuse my own kids....
Talking to a theraphist about ur cutting is good....
finding out why u want to harm urself...
I use to look in the mirror many times crying and seeing
what i thought was ugliness and really who i saw was a
little child of God....one of His chidren being hurt and
wondering how could anyone hurt a little child....
anyway...that just a few things to think about.
think all this crap is in my head...that i was drinking and all
that stuff for attention.....
Hey u know what....it doesnt matter what they think and they
can continue to think all they want...because it still wont
matter....this disease is mine...no one elses...
Me getting sober is for me...i know what alcohol did to me
and how it affected others around me....
I didnt get sober or stayed sober for anyone else but me....
I went to noon meetings alot while my kids were in school
and if i still needed to go at night,,,,my spouse watched them....
I learned that if i found time to drink or go buy alcohol then
i can find time to go to meetings.....
A few meetings would not have cured me...i will never
be cured of my disease.....do u know of people that r diabetics
that can eat normally again...ever....they have to take
meds and shots and exercise and all they need to do
to stay healthy....well so do we as alcoholics....
Going to meetings as a daily routine...esp in early recovery
willl allow u to get into the habit of going....its
repeating the same routine over and over again
and recieiving positive results from it.....
Even today for me at 16 yrs sober....there will always
be someone or something that will tick me off or wont
go my way....and what i use to do before was drink over
it...i go to a meeting and talk about it.....or listen to others
going thru the same thing as i learn to deal with it....they
can teach me something i dont know about it....
As far as the cutting .....u r doing that for a reason...just like
i with drinking...i drank to numb the feelings i had towards my
mom for the way she treated me...she abused me physically
and verbally and not my other 3 siblings...i hated her
for that....
But in her own disease...she did what she only knew
how....thank God i didnt abuse my own kids....
Talking to a theraphist about ur cutting is good....
finding out why u want to harm urself...
I use to look in the mirror many times crying and seeing
what i thought was ugliness and really who i saw was a
little child of God....one of His chidren being hurt and
wondering how could anyone hurt a little child....
anyway...that just a few things to think about.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 12,136
Saxony,
I'm sorry you're in so much emotional pain - I understand completely. Keep reaching out, keep asking for help, do whatever it takes. This pain won't last forever, it just feels that way.
I know about self-harm and depression - there really is hope after we put down the drink. By the way, my dad told me I didn't need AA either, I just needed to drink like a lady. That was his stuff, not mine. I tried to drink like a lady, but I'm alcoholic who needs to abstain, period.
Hang in there sweetheart.
Rowan
I'm sorry you're in so much emotional pain - I understand completely. Keep reaching out, keep asking for help, do whatever it takes. This pain won't last forever, it just feels that way.
I know about self-harm and depression - there really is hope after we put down the drink. By the way, my dad told me I didn't need AA either, I just needed to drink like a lady. That was his stuff, not mine. I tried to drink like a lady, but I'm alcoholic who needs to abstain, period.
Hang in there sweetheart.
Rowan
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