greatgonzo

Some days I have to realize just how powerless I am to help my female friend/neighbor. I was with Jane at her sentencing for a 3rd offense DUI a couple months ago. I paid close attention to the ruling by the judge and told Jane she got off lucky with x amount of probation and community service. Jane was mandated to go to 2-4 AA meetings a week and I feel duped for cheering her on now.

Jane came over to my home tonite and I had company. She told me she'd be back later so I could sign her papers for her AA meetings (needed for her parole officer). She said she hadn't been attending meetings then laughed it off saying "But I'm still not drinking!" as if that made a huge difference. Jane had some balls because missing meetings that are court ordered is a violation of her terms of probation.

Having grown up with an alcoholic "in denial" father, I know the mood swings, denial, etc. but my dad was never arrested. I saw how his alcohol abuse affected our entire family and vowed that wouldn't be a part of my life. It's just hard for me to imagine how a young woman with 2 small kids would risk years in prison for avoiding 2-4 hours a week in AA meetings and think she could forge signatures and her probation officer would buy it.

Luckily I saw Jane's husband hadn't made it home yet and I called him. He thanked me for calling him as he'd been talking to her about not putting other people at risk for her poor choices i.e. don't make someone else go down for what you did. Jack was honest with me and said he'd speak to her about it. It's not like people have not reached out to Jane when she's doing weekends in jail so I don't buy the lack of babysitting but think of it more like a "I can beat the system" attitude. Her DUI arrest was of course inconvenient but being able to keep her family should be worth following court orders else she misses being part of her kids' lives 5-10 years while in prison.

I didn't sign up for this. I have no control over her actions but I'll be damned if I will take the fall for her poor choices in life. There is no reasoning with Jane as she has bi-polar issues as well and isn't always medicated. Tough love is so hard. I am working on detaching again because my family and I come first. I have gone thru a lot of personal crises myself and I highly doubt if roles were changed that Jane would "be there" to support me. I am glad Jack thanked me for letting him know as Jane loves to keep secrets from him and thinks his sound advice is unwarranted when he lectures her on good choices.

I have my own addiction with food and am no stranger to 12 step programs. I am thankful to have found this board. My husband gets tired of Jane's antics so I have to back off for a while and let Jane dig her own grave for ONE.

Barbara52

You of course need to take care of yourself and family, and protect yourself from involement in Jane's manipulations. She sounds like denial is very strong in her.

DII

Don't get pulled in.......she truly MUST hit bottom before she sees the light.