un4gvn acts

My 10 year wedding anniversary is coming up in a few days & I really don't feel like acknowledging it at all.

I know my AH will get me a sweet card and say Happy Anniversary but that's all.

I just don't feel like playing this happy married couple game anymore. All the other 364 days he is my roomate then this one day we will act like we have a good marriage. I don't want to do it this year!

I don't think that I will even get him a card.

Am I just being hateful or should I acknowledge it somehow - it is 10 years!
AND if I do ackknowledge it how???? All the anniversary cards are too mushy for me. Too fake - too phony! All anniversary cards seem to be for only happily married people/soulmates.

Help!

Sage

guineapigjude

I hear you, Sage! The last few anniversaries with my AH I didn't even get him a card. I got so sick of the game. He treated me like crap unless he wanted something from me, and was only decent til he got whatever he wanted. The rest of the time I might as well have been single, because he was too busy with his first loves, pot & Bud.

Once in a while he'd come out with something absurd like how we'd go on a cruise when we retired. All I could think of was how he hadn't been a husband to me in all the years we were married, what would change when we retired? And P & B would still come along on the cruise, and I'd spend the whole time worrying...

I can't give you advice, because you might be in a different place than I am. Do what feels right to you, and good luck.

dollydo

My first ex husband gave me binoculars for our 10th anniversary, I opened the gift, and said "What the h*ll is this"? He said, "I've always wanted a pair like these".

Needless to say, I was not a happy bird watcher!

For my part, just a card would have been better.

8675309

Oh my gosh Sage! My AH and I just had our 10th in March (2 months prior to the seperation) and I felt much the same way as you. We did go out, had dinner, a few drinks, came home and went to bed early. I really didn't want to be there. I hurt him when I refused his advances. I felt pretty bad but wasn't into the whole romantic thing. I wish I could tell you how to handle but don't feel I did such a great job myself.

I wish you luck in your decision.

Astro

Don't do anything that doesn't feel acceptable to you.

For our 10 year anniversary my ex and I exchanged some nice gifts and took our kids to an all-inclusive resort in Cabo. I promptly bellied up to the bar for 9 days to make sure I got my moneys worth of free alcohol. She had fun with the kids and did her best to ignore my insanity. I loved my alcohol more than I loved her.

an'ka

Dollydo, geez, that's hilarious!! My 5th anniversary was on the 14th, and in light of the impending dissolution, it was just a verbal acknowledgement on both our parts. I mean, seriuosly, what do you say--congratulations? As for gift giving...oy. I was always the gift giver, so thoughtful and generous, but I sure didn't get much in return. Once, he gave me his well used camera for my birthday! Any self respecting woman would haver raised a fuss, but of course, I let it go, and I kept waiting for him to become a better gift giver. Unfortunately, that never happened. Oh, well, doesn't matter now, I suppose.

Hanginon

We celebrated our 15 yr while AH was in detox, how romantic! He was actually discharged on our anniversary. Told me he was going to have to stop on the way home and get me a gift for our wedding. I blew it off and told him having him home and sober was my gift from him. It has almost been 8 weeks now since discharge and he's still doing good.
Good luck with yours.

chero

Hey Sage, If you don't want to get him a card..don't! No crime there. I finally realized how relieved my AH was when I didn't get him anything. He felt 'off the hook' and I realized even though I wanted him to give me a card or gift or anything, it didn't mean anything to me because it wasn't genuine.

Once I quit pretending...he quit pretending. It was sad but freeing, too.

You've been married to an alcoholic for 10 years....do something nice for YOURSELF!!

Mr. Christian

Card, well no.


So ask yourself, will I be like this for the next 10 years?

Maybe your gift will be movement on your part.

CE Girl

Anniversary, shaimanniversary!!!!!!

I only celebrate those that are important to ME!!!

Like my birthday. Which is this month by the way.

Did i mention, i have a birthday MONTH?!?!?!

Hey, its all good, who better to give me the gifts I want,,lol

When's YOU b-day un4?

Peace

un4gvn acts

Thanks to all of you for your advice!

After reading all of your posts - I have decided to not acknowledge the 10 year anniversary. I am going to do something that I want to do! Treat myself to a haircut, mani or a pedi - do something for me.....I deserve it!

THANKS Chero I know exactly what you are saying. I am tired of pretending.
I have been married to an alcoholic for 10 years and I deserve to do something for ME after all this is my anniversary not just his.....

Today I really do feel like a survivor - 10 years.

CE Girl - my birthday is in September

Tazman53

Good deal, glad to hear you have started to take care of your self, if he does ask what you got him show him your nails!!! LOL

un4gvn acts

Tazman - ** laughing**
Thanks you put a huge smile on my face this morning!

Tazman53

Of course you could show him your pedicure if he has eyes there!!! LOL

DII

Gifts are the tool of the alcoholic or any person that manipulates a relationship. We are afraid of getting the "you don't love me because you didn't give me a gift I deserved" message. Don't give into the guilt. I've tried to give gifts to show I love my AW but it never works. They don't stop drinking or being alcoholic.