AllMyFault

As part of my healing process I really feel the need to confront my exAfiance's parents.
When once I was the best thing that ever happened to thier son, I am now treated with zero respect. And whats worse is that they continue to enable my ex. They believe his stories, because they want to believe them.
I'm really sad and upset about losing the good parts of having this person in my life naturally, but thier denial and treatment of this whole situation just leaves me with a horribly bad taste in my mouth, and I feel I need to speak my mind and tell them what really went on.
Would you do this?

Saint Francis

One word, yes, I would do that. It'll make you feel better that at least they had the opportunity to know the truth. Cautious though, don't go in with any expectations of them understanding your side.

fluffyflea

No, because they won't believe you. They will see it as you trying to cause more problems. Maybe it's better for you to try and move on.

Earthworm

thinkmink

No, I absolutely would not. It is so tempting to do, I know. But it seriously won't do anyone any good...not even you. If they actually do something to you, then you can speak up. But honestly, they are entitled to think whatever they want to think and feel whatever they want to feel. What they think isn't your business. It might help to know that your A's family attitude is all too typical and I know first hand what you are talking about. As infuriating as it is, it's better to leave it alone. Don't let yourself get sucked into more drama. you really don't need it.

penneypoo

Blood is thicker than water.....they will always stick up for the best interests of their own son. If you really MUST do it, I would give them a real simple note, not speak in person (too emotional, and you may regret it)

mallowcup

It's not important what they believe. It's important for you to have confidence in your good judgement. All the evidence anyone needs is the life you lead.
is behavior should not define you and your actions should not be determined by what makes other peoples denial more convenient for them.
Where is the line with who you stop explaining yourself to?

LGLG07

Proceed with Caution .. if you feel you need this as closure, and believe me, i can relate to that, be prepared for the worst . Its a horrible feeling to go into something thinking you are going to talk sense into senseless people and that in doing so you will truly help them all , only to have every word you say twisted and manipulated and all the fingers pointed back at you .
I speak from experience . Every time I tried to talk to my ah's family I would have things said to me like 'well you shop too much' or 'how many nights a wk do you cook him dinner?' or my all time favorite 'you always did pay too much attention to the children and none to my brother' . As if these were all the reasons why my ah was an alcoholic and I was getting what I deserved . I often wished I just kept my mouth shut and walked away quietly .

MsGolightly

i would say if you really feel you need to say something to them, knowing that it probably won't change anything but make you feel better knowing you tried, then do whatever you feel in your heart is right. everyone is right, though, nothing will probably change and they may resent you even more and look at you as a bitter girl who wants to get back at her ex.

dollydo

I'd suggest that you write them a letter, put it all out, then tuck the letter in an envelope and let it it sit for a month. Open it, review it, and if you still feel the same way, send it.

denny57

I would be concerned about the word "confront" coming to my mind. If I felt I needed to do something like this, I'd probably say it in writing, mail it and never expect a response. My personal experience has been that my healing has had nothing to do with confronting others.

Take care.

Spiritual Seeker

Maybe what your "healing process" needs most of all is LETTING GO. That is what brings me peace. I too am noticing your word "confront" If you had a close caring relationship before the break up, you should be able to share your how you are feeling. But don't plan to change any minds. If your relationship was not close than you are hoping for a reality that doesn't exist. Women often want closure but we don't usually get it from the EX or his family. Spend energy and conversation with theh people who you really are close to that will understand and support you.

cagefree

I never "Confronted" my X's family after they covered up his drinking.

The fact they covered it up told me who they would always side with. They claimed to be loving and supportive to him and that they wouldn't enable him. They GAVE him beer days after preaching to me how bad he is when he drinks, then lying to me for the months afterwards. They even had enough nerve to offer us a book to read to "fix" our relationship. Something about doing more things together. I mentioned how he'd never leave the house...they mentioned something about compromise.

compromise - I guess to them that means self-sacrifice on my part. Screw that - he's not worth it, and they have no right giving me advice and lies in the same sentence.

If whole family is sick with the disease, I'd just steer clear of all of them - they will reject a healthy, recovering codependent - it won't matter what you say.

Mr. Christian

Healing process ?
Nah just let go, the rest will happen on its own.
It’s really not up to you to confront anyone, and frankly they wont care.
Getting our two cents in is really worth less then that in the long run.