Lovestoomuch

I ran into my exabf's daughter this weekend. As we were chatting her nextel beeped and it was him.

I motioned to her not to let him know I was standing right there. She had her phone on speaker so I heard loud and clear that insufferable A.H. (found another meaning for this abbreviatoin ) has a new truck. It's a really nice doolie truck by the sounds of it. He told her he might be trading it in for a 99 Dodge 1500 PU.

He went on to tell her it looked almost identical to one I had lost to the repo man a few years back. I loved that truck. Next to my kids it was my pride and joy. The fact of the matter is I didn't have the money to make the payments because of his stupid cocaine addiction!!

I lost a lot of things being with him, but I was devistated when I walked outside and saw my truck gone.

Then that jerk face tells her "I was going to give this truck to Kris if she had given me another chance. THEN.........THEN he says "I'm still going to get a tag in front that says "My Baby's truck." GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR JERK FACE!!

Just how lame is that? I wouldn't have drove around with a tag that says that even if we were still together!! "My baby's truck" HMPF..............What an A.H.!!

I realize this is far from recovery but I'm so stinkin mad!! I can't afford to get the vehicle I have now fixed the way it needs to be!! I have to deal with the awful heat and humidity because if I run the air condition the vehicle over heats and he's running around in a really nice truck. It's not fair!!!!! What about me???!!!

I struggle and I pray everyday. I work my butt off and have absolutely nothing to show for it.!! (at least not yet anyways..........I know ........time........whatever)

I know that God doesn't owe me anything and as unrecovery and un-christian like it may be, I want to scream from the top of my lungs WHAT ABOUT ME??!!

I paid my dues staying with that idiot!! I got the short end of the stick the whole 5 years we were together. He left me with no money and every bill already past due and then continued to stalk and harass me. I'm the one who had to go out and purchase a new phone, computer moniter, screen for the porch and a few other things because he broke them all in his fits of rage.
I didn't have the money to replace that stuff, but I did in a galant effort to get my life back to some state of normalcy.

So isn't it a kick in the gut that he is driving what should have been my reward for putting up with him and all his BS!! Double GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!

I know I should be happy for him. He's supposably still drug free. Good for him but WHAT ABOUT ME?? It's just not fair that he's been able to just cruise on through the mess he caused and not give it a second thought

"My baby's truck" BLECH!!

You want to know how he got the truck? He traded the guy a stolen 4-wheeler his cousin lifted from one of the ranches out here. Brand spankin new with all the bells and whistles. What a jerk!! So I wouldn't have wanted that particular truck anyhow!........... sigh .......... I just don't want him to have it. I know how terribly wrong that is but..................

I'm hitting a meeting Thursday night. I honestly thought I was past the anger stage, but I see I have some sort of issue with him succeeding in life before I have the chance to even get back on my feet!!

I'm pretty embarrassed to have to admit that, but I have to be honest with myself. According to my plan he should still be suffering for all that he put me through but it's not going according to my plans and THAT SUCKS!!

I think I'll just by 10 gallons of ice cream and have myself a good old fashioned pitty party.

None of this is about my current relationship, but it has everything to do with the anger and resentment I apparently still feel towards that A.H.

I know I've been blessed in some areas of my life and I'm trying really hard to focus on that. I just can't seem to wrap my head around it right this second. I want his truck to be repoed like mine was But it won't because he traded it fair and square to some poor sap who has no clue the 4-wheeler is stolen. He doesn't have any payments to get behind on. He does however have a really nice truck to trade in for cocaine should he ever start using again. That should make him feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

"My baby's truck" Triple GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

Just when you think you're past it, you get hit from behind and it knocks you off the feet you thought you had planted firmly on the ground and That sucks too!!

Spiritual Seeker

You didn't get the short end of the stick...because you aren't still with him. He contributed to 5 yrs. of heartache, don't let your anger last to long and make that 5 yrs. plus one day. By the way, what flavor of ice cream? Bet you learned a lot from him...at least to avoid his type.

raerae6

Loves, i just took a break from my homework and saw what you wrote. OOOoo....I would be mad, too. My exabf is driving some old car around I hear and even knowing that he has a car at ALL burns me because I cannot afford to fix the shocks on mine, so it's bouncing around like crazy. Many have lost $$$ and fell behind cause of these addicts in our lives.

I still feel mad too, about my broken stuff in this place because of him and all the times I could have had him arrested for stealing from me and didn't do it. Also i could have had his azz in jail for hitting me and didn't do that, either. i don't trip on it much anymore, though, because I just have a feeling that he is going to fall. i do hope he gets sober, but I try not to let him take up space in my head.

You could give that dealer a heads up on the fact that the vehicle he traded in is stolen...just a thought...

If he is so unscupulous that he is trading stolen vehicles, the law or karma may catch up with him.....

Taking5

a speakerphone? This almost sounds too scripted. How do you know this was not a conspiracy on exabf's part?

Never underestimate an addict. He could find your schedule and have arranged this call, with the "bait" of a new truck if you come back to him. I hope I am wrong.

Lovestoomuch

As much as it may seem scripted I don't think so in this case although he has been known to pull some junk like that in the past.

Nextel is famous for their walkie talkie feature. There's a button on the phone that you can put it on private so no one hears your conversation, but so many don't do that. I always put my phone on private. It's the polite thing to do IMO. I don't care to hear everyone elses conversations. But the young kids that have the walkie talkies.............I suppose they think it's cool. It's been quite a while since I was a kid so I really don't know.

Theres no way she could have known I was going to gas up my car at that exact station at that exact time. I really don't believe it was planned.

I don't put too much past him, but if I were to go back to him just so I could have the truck...........what would that say about me? I couldn't live with him and I would never be able to live with myself.

funkzter

Hi Kris,

Sorry for the hearthache, i understand how frustrating that might feel, though i never had to face that -so far- but that would definitely drive me nuts if my ex has more money than me. I know, it sounds lame but if we are lame it's because of all what we've been through financially, thanks to them.
Anyway, try not to think about it. it's not like he deserves it, he just has it because of a stolen car...really you don't want it and you don't want to be in his shoes.

Hugs
Carine

helpus

(((Kris))) What goes around, comes around. When his comes, you could sell tickets it'll be so big.

hope213

i understand exactly what you are talking about.we r all angry about what our addicts did & what our addicts do but we can not change a thing.you know this. don't let him screw with your thinking.that is exactly what he wants to do.what? you going to let him win again?life goes on & it gets so much better.you will get another vehicle, in Gods time, not ours.breathe, loves,your day is coming & it is going to be so good.hugs, hope

outonalimb

Kris...

Oh, yes, I think I understand the anger.

I left my marriage with nothing except my son and $32,000 in debt. My employer takes $600 per month out of my check to repay the debt (to pay back the $32,000 in loans that I took out againt my retirement account when I thought my exah was sincere about recovery...OUCH). I'll be paying these loans off for at least another 6 years. On top of this, I have to pay my son's tuition, day care, and daily living expenses pretty much by myself.

Don't think that everytime I get my paystub with the money missing, or everytime I write a check for our son's tuition, that a little spark of anger doesn't ignite. It does. BUT...ya know what? I can look at myself in the mirror and know without a doubt that I did what I did (allowing myself to get sucked into such a predicament in the first place) with a pure heart. I may not have understood addiction...I may not have realized that I was helping to dig the hole I find myself in today...I may have done what I did out of complete ignorance and misplaced hope... but I did it with a pure heart nonetheless. Its just money. At least my integrity is in tact. So is yours.

A good life is the best revenge, Kris. Keep plugging away...keep doing the next best thing...and try, if you can, to write your losses off as a huge life lesson. Its an expensive lesson...thats true...but the things you've learned and the strength you've acquired because of everything that you've been though is PRICELESS. You wouldn't trade places with your ex in a heartbeat...right? So I guess that means that you're in a much better place than he is even if he's driving a nice truck around. Besides, I totally believe in the whole Karma thing. Let the universe even the score on this one...

hugs...





.

Live

He has a new truck...you have a new love.....which one can be bought and which one is priceless??????


Screw him and the truck he rode in on!

I know, I know,,,the financials are tough.
And I do understand how you feel.

So go ahead and spit...and aim it well.
We rednecks can get away with spitting down here! LOL

frankly

((Loves))

I can soooooo relate. I've always put everyone else before myself in the past, always drove the beat up rag tag vehicle. Then one day I bought myself a brand new Pathfinder. It was everything I ever wanted in a truck. Well Mike needed transportation to go to work so he took my truck. Drove it and drove it. I bought a used POS mini van so I could go to the grocery store or in an emergancy. Then somehow he talked me into trading my new truck (bought before I married him) in on a truck for him, his dream truck. It was beautiful. I actually cried when my pathfinder drove away. Long story short, he still drives his nice 4x4 Lariette extended cab, after I made the payment for him on it. I'm driving a jeep with 239000 miles on it that the engine has blown once and the transmission is going now. His dad goes and pays the truck off for him. I struggle to pay repairs on mine.

It's not fair. It's down right wrong. I'll be honest here, every time I think about his truck, I hope to hear that he's totalled it! Then I feel bad because it's not a nice thing to hope for. But, I resent it. It's something that I still harbor and have not found a way to let it totally go. I don't think I will until I hear word that he has somehow suffered just a little bit of what I did. That's not very recovery of me, but it is what it is, my feelings.

I think we are looking for justice. It's no different than if a stranger stole from us, we would want some form of punishment some form of justice, not rewards.

Hugs
B

dollydo

That was then, this is now, you cannot change what you allowed him to do to you.

If you keep moving forward, you will dig yourself out of your financial problems.

My dad always says "Pay yourself first". Put something away from every paycheck even if it's only 10.00, over years it will compound and turn into a nest egg. And, don't touch it, unless there is a national emergency. Everyone needs a fall back position.

His doolie will soon be gone, one way or another, it has to happen.

Sorry for the setback, pick yourself up, dust yourself off and leave him in your dust.

marle

Kris, Let's see how long he has that truck. You never know Anyway, sorry that you are upset. I know the feeling. My daughter's abf bought her a car (probably a pos) and when she told me I just felt mad. But I know that my daughter is not happy because she does not have what I do--the ability to feel good about herself. I work hard, always have and that gives me more satisfaction than all the material things in the world. Hope you get it all out, so that you can put it behind you. Hugs, Marle

Lovestoomuch

That's exactly what I'm feeling at the moment. Pure GRRRRRRRR I start to take a look around at all I do have but sloooowly that resentment comes sneaking up on me and BAM!!

Ann

Has anyone seen my bunnyslippers? Hmmm, they were right here a moment ago.

Sweetie, of course your anger is valid and justified, of course he's a jerk and living like one every day, and he may get even jerkier tomorrow. How long do you want to carry the pain, the resentment, the emotional baggage? Healing won't come until you let it go, so vent, write, go to a meeting, work through a 4th Step and just let 'er rip....then give it to God and the universe and be free.

You can't change a moment of what was. You can't change who and what he is. No matter how long you stand in your resentment waiting for justice, it isn't going to get any better until you let go.

I love what Live said..."He has a new truck...you have a new love.....which one can be bought and which one is priceless??????"

Just maybe say a thank you that this man isn't in your life today and that you had the courage to move on.

And stop listening to any phone conversation, speaker phone or not. Plug your ears and run like the wind next time that happens.

Ahhh, here's my slippers, guess I don't need them after all so maybe I'll just share them with you and we can both be comfy and all bunnied up

Hugs

duet_4-8

Loves,
I have to go take care of my grandbaby, so I don't have time to really say what I think about your ex.

Anger is a normal emotion; no one could blame you for being angry. I can kind of relate; my ex went out and bought a brand new 2007 maxed-out Toyota about 3 weeks after I kicked him out. He is still not giving me a cent to take care of the son he claims to love so much....

Another A.H.!!!!! Try to have a good day! Your ex might have a new truck, but inside he is still the same miserable human being.

love ya!!

Elana

Oh I have been there and done that so don't beat yourself up.
The license plate would have gotten me too.

I went thru this at Xmas time;. XABF went out and bought a Nikon D50 and lens etc. brand new.. AND HE OWES ME MONEY...... A LOT OF $$$$
I never had anything repo'd but his former GF did.. while he was sitting on his @$$ not working because he was "too good for a McJob..."

Aren't you glad you don't have to live with his stupid 1/2 @$$ed irresponsible behavior anymore? Knowing that is what got me past the anger last December.

((((((Kris))))))

Hangin' In

Loves,

I say this to you because I have to say it to me all the time.

This disease ... his disease of addiction and our disease of being addicted to the addict is exactly what the Big book says....a disease of self centeredness.

Ouch. I have to remind myself that this world is not about me and what I want. When I do those first 3 steps..."I can't, He can, and I think I'll let him", they help me get outside of myself.

Like I said, I'm preaching to myself here. I'm trying to lose the title of "Ms All About Me" but it's so hard to do. As always, take what you like and leave the rest.

Big, TIGHT hugs cause you're probably wanting to slap me about now...,

Hangin' In

parentrecovers

too much drama - run away! k

Lovestoomuch

There is no desire to slap LOL. And you're right. You're all right and I actually know how I'm feeling isn't, because it's not warrented by anything. He has the right to a wonderful life the same as myself. I just can't get the words to come out of my mouth without a scowel on my face..........yet.