loverof1

My husband came home from court today where he was sentenced to a minimum of 10 weeks of intensive therapy for his alcohol. He was raging pissed when he got home after finding out that his lover "brandy" is being taken away. He said he is filing for divorce on Monday because I have ruined his life and scarred him for life.

I spoke with a woman from my Al-Anon support group who said to wait it out and see how treatment goes...that he might see the light through working the steps. He has no choice but to participate so Im holding out hope that once he is sober...that will be the case. I do believe that deep down underneath all of the alcohol and hiding that the man I married is still there. I see a glimpse of that each time he is sober.

He is angry with me and I get that. Can you really trust what a drunk says when they are active users? When he is sober he loves me, but when he is drunk his whole attitude changes.

I just need the hope to hold on and pray that he will see that I have not harmed him and that he can recover.

denny57

No.

I agree with your sponsor. AH said the same to me. 4 months later he did file for divorce because right now he doesn't want to stop drinking. But I made a decision to not make any changes for a year. I left it to him and my HP.

Good luck and even though he may be angry, be kind to yourself.

Astro

I'm going to agree with denny on this one. I was definitely a better person at one year sober, at two years I'm completely different. And no, I couldn't be trusted with anything when I was active.

And for the record, the only person that ruined and scarred me was myself. We have no one else to blame for our wreckage.

GlassPrisoner

He doesn't HAVE to go. I've ignored many a DUI school (and went to jail later, of course). He may just go, you know, just show up at the appointed time and say the right things. This "school" in no way garauntees hee'll sober up. Most likely, he won't. Some do with a court card, but not most.

loverof1

From what I understand....they will test him for alcohol each day and if he "pops" then he will be sent immediately back to jail. I could be wrong, but that is my understanding. The DA has made it very clear that he is not playing games with my husband and that he means business. My husband is acting like a cornered animal...blasting at everything around him.

When he left today...after saying he was filing for divorce....he didnt take any of his things (which he has done every time he has left before). I did go ahead and wash up his clothes so that if he does leave....he will have no reason to return until he is activlely involved in treatment and can show some sign that he has seen the light. I cannot continue to put myself or our kids through this emotional trauma. I feel like I am growing cold to his behavior.

LGLG07

i hope , for you and your kids sakes , that you are growing cold to his behavior .
it happened that way for me . I just realized one day that i had a great life , 4 amazing kids , a great solid family , wonderful longtime friends and a neighborhood full of supportive friends . the only chaos in my life was my ah . I couldnt make him
stop lying or manipulating any other way but to get away from him . It felt so good to take control of my life again . it hasnt been easy but even when i cry i still know that i am doing the right thing .

So sorry for what you are going through and i'll be praying for you & the kids .

Astro

Each time I read something like this in a post I'm grateful that my ex came to the same realization, that she took the necessary action to protect herself and our children. It brought me to recovery, it gave my children the father they deserved.