Letter to Myself
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Philadelphia
Posts: 518
Letter to Myself
This is really just written for me, because I needed to get something out in a supportive environment since for whatever reason it feels difficult for me to feel my feelings otherwise.
Dear Heather,
You needn't be so scared. So much of what you feel inside of you is your fear- fueled by your lack of self-confidence, self-esteem and inability to feel entitled to happiness or feel you control your own. You believe outside forces operate against you. This is not so. You must realize that you are the only one who controls how you think, feel, what you do and how YOU heal.
You must stop giving so much power to others over your self-esteem. Especially to a man who you have allowed inside of your heart and who has betrayed you and hurt you beyond your wildest imagination. Someone you trusted with your life burned you very badly. Now you feel irrepairable- you WANT to find your anger and step out of the fear and insecurity. You are finding it difficult to focus on yourself and accept the reality that you CAN heal and that you CAN learn to love yourself- something that seems so foreign.
However, you must accept the inevitable discomfort that will come with change- changing your behavior. Your negativity has served you well - served to protect you from your fear of taking a risk- of believing in yourself. It is time to take back control of your life and create the happiness you deserve and you want. This can only be done by concentrating on yourself and on realizing your potential- understanding that you can be a WHOLE, COMPLETE and WORTHY person that is more than adequate- without ANYONE else loving you.
You can be WORTHY and BE REAL and have life of importance without ANYONE else needing to be present.
You operate based on the erroneous belief that you are not worthy, good or resilient- you fear you are defective and inadequate in every area of human form. You must begin to see these beliefs as distorted and in error and understand that FEELINGS ARE NOT FACTS and that you must begin to change your thoughts to ones that affirm your individuality and your entitlement.
Another person's compulsive behaviors or abuse or mistreatment of you is NOT a reflection of your value, but rather, a reflection of THAT person and THEIR STUFF. NOT yours. It your busines only to control YOU and make YOUR life full and rewarding.
YOU, ALONE, CAN MAKE YOUR LIFE FULL AND REWARDING.
YOU are loveable and NOT defective.
Addiction did not befall you because you are destined for negative things. You must stop trying to prove your worth and adequacy to the world and even to yourself. You must begin to blindly believe because you cannot feel it presently- that you are worth more than all you have suffered earlier in life, in the fears you operate in and all that you have suffered by coping with addiction.
You must see yourself as strong. In learning to love yourself, you will be able to detach from others behaviors and not allow them to pull your strings like a puppet. YOU CAN BE IN CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE.
There was a time when you were adament about getting what you deserve and not settling for less. You have been broken down- this does not make you weak or "bad", but instead it is a call for you to begin to gather resources to repair yourself and build yourself up and re-tap into this part of yourself that so aggressively believed that women did not need a man or a relationship to be whole or worthy. How could you have forgotten that basic precept that you try to bring to others??
You have been trapped by chains for so long.
Take back your power. You are okay. You will be okay. Trust yourself. Even if you must begin again everyday- do so with the commitment to changing your way of thinking so it affirms your life and it's importance and does not contribute to keeping you down.
I love you and I pray and pray that you will soon begin to feel it.
Do not give up!!
Love,
Yourself
Dear Heather,
You needn't be so scared. So much of what you feel inside of you is your fear- fueled by your lack of self-confidence, self-esteem and inability to feel entitled to happiness or feel you control your own. You believe outside forces operate against you. This is not so. You must realize that you are the only one who controls how you think, feel, what you do and how YOU heal.
You must stop giving so much power to others over your self-esteem. Especially to a man who you have allowed inside of your heart and who has betrayed you and hurt you beyond your wildest imagination. Someone you trusted with your life burned you very badly. Now you feel irrepairable- you WANT to find your anger and step out of the fear and insecurity. You are finding it difficult to focus on yourself and accept the reality that you CAN heal and that you CAN learn to love yourself- something that seems so foreign.
However, you must accept the inevitable discomfort that will come with change- changing your behavior. Your negativity has served you well - served to protect you from your fear of taking a risk- of believing in yourself. It is time to take back control of your life and create the happiness you deserve and you want. This can only be done by concentrating on yourself and on realizing your potential- understanding that you can be a WHOLE, COMPLETE and WORTHY person that is more than adequate- without ANYONE else loving you.
You can be WORTHY and BE REAL and have life of importance without ANYONE else needing to be present.
You operate based on the erroneous belief that you are not worthy, good or resilient- you fear you are defective and inadequate in every area of human form. You must begin to see these beliefs as distorted and in error and understand that FEELINGS ARE NOT FACTS and that you must begin to change your thoughts to ones that affirm your individuality and your entitlement.
Another person's compulsive behaviors or abuse or mistreatment of you is NOT a reflection of your value, but rather, a reflection of THAT person and THEIR STUFF. NOT yours. It your busines only to control YOU and make YOUR life full and rewarding.
YOU, ALONE, CAN MAKE YOUR LIFE FULL AND REWARDING.
YOU are loveable and NOT defective.
Addiction did not befall you because you are destined for negative things. You must stop trying to prove your worth and adequacy to the world and even to yourself. You must begin to blindly believe because you cannot feel it presently- that you are worth more than all you have suffered earlier in life, in the fears you operate in and all that you have suffered by coping with addiction.
You must see yourself as strong. In learning to love yourself, you will be able to detach from others behaviors and not allow them to pull your strings like a puppet. YOU CAN BE IN CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE.
There was a time when you were adament about getting what you deserve and not settling for less. You have been broken down- this does not make you weak or "bad", but instead it is a call for you to begin to gather resources to repair yourself and build yourself up and re-tap into this part of yourself that so aggressively believed that women did not need a man or a relationship to be whole or worthy. How could you have forgotten that basic precept that you try to bring to others??
You have been trapped by chains for so long.
Take back your power. You are okay. You will be okay. Trust yourself. Even if you must begin again everyday- do so with the commitment to changing your way of thinking so it affirms your life and it's importance and does not contribute to keeping you down.
I love you and I pray and pray that you will soon begin to feel it.
Do not give up!!
Love,
Yourself
Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Bristol TN/VA
Posts: 12,431
WOW! That deserves to be a sticky!
I have noticed before how well you write...I can see you writing books..in my crystal ball LOL
That is awesome. I hope nearly everyone here reads it.
You have done all of us a great favor by sharing it. Thank you!
I have noticed before how well you write...I can see you writing books..in my crystal ball LOL
That is awesome. I hope nearly everyone here reads it.
You have done all of us a great favor by sharing it. Thank you!
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Philly Burbs, PA
Posts: 11
Hey Heather,
Have you ever given any thought to doing some volunteer work? Maybe that might help you get out of your own head for a while...it will certainly help your self-esteem, too...helping other people has always put things into perspective for me.
Even if you don't have a lot of time...maybe you could set aside a couple hours a week?
Just a thought.
Have you ever given any thought to doing some volunteer work? Maybe that might help you get out of your own head for a while...it will certainly help your self-esteem, too...helping other people has always put things into perspective for me.
Even if you don't have a lot of time...maybe you could set aside a couple hours a week?
Just a thought.
Bridge CLOSED
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: No ones business
Posts: 1,497
Hi Heather. Good thoughts. Now the trick is to take action.
Start by making a list and listing everything you did during the day to be assertive. Saying the words and knowing what is wrong is the first step. Circumvention of those thoughts with active behavior is the next step. It is those steps that lead you down the path of recovery.
That.. and the guidance of a higher power of your understanding.
Start by making a list and listing everything you did during the day to be assertive. Saying the words and knowing what is wrong is the first step. Circumvention of those thoughts with active behavior is the next step. It is those steps that lead you down the path of recovery.
That.. and the guidance of a higher power of your understanding.
remember to breathe
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: philadelphia pa
Posts: 1,280
Heather,
Your letter to yourself will be an inspiration to many.
You are smart, beautiful, courageous and are on the right track to self acceptance.
Smile Heather, You ARE what you write!
congratulations and good luck.
Your letter to yourself will be an inspiration to many.
You are smart, beautiful, courageous and are on the right track to self acceptance.
Smile Heather, You ARE what you write!
congratulations and good luck.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: limbo
Posts: 2,849
thats great heather..............I too noticed how well you write....and actually thought to myself..........I hope shes taking something in college that will allow her to continue writting..................because this seems to be one of your talents...........
A work in progress....
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: FREE!!!! Somewhere in the Tennessee Mountains
Posts: 1,018
Originally Posted by liveweyerd 
WOW! That deserves to be a sticky!
I have noticed before how well you write...I can see you writing books..in my crystal ball LOL
That is awesome. I hope nearly everyone here reads it.
You have done all of us a great favor by sharing it. Thank you!
I have noticed before how well you write...I can see you writing books..in my crystal ball LOL
That is awesome. I hope nearly everyone here reads it.
You have done all of us a great favor by sharing it. Thank you!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Nearer to the top.
Posts: 15
wow, Heather... that's awesome! I know we haven't met yet... I've taken a bit of a break from the site, but come back now and again... Y
ou will survive... I can tell just from your attitude... you WANT to survive. You may be caught up in a bit of a web at the moment, but you will soon break free and a wonderful new life awaits you. Your letter to yourself is an inspiration... and what talent you have for writing!!!
ou will survive... I can tell just from your attitude... you WANT to survive. You may be caught up in a bit of a web at the moment, but you will soon break free and a wonderful new life awaits you. Your letter to yourself is an inspiration... and what talent you have for writing!!!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: East Coast/the lovers state
Posts: 71
Heather that is an awesome letter. i hope you reread it as you need to.
"Another person's compulsive behaviors or abuse or mistreatment of you is NOT a reflection of your value, but rather, a reflection of THAT person and THEIR STUFF. NOT yours. It your busines only to control YOU and make YOUR life full and rewarding"
iam a recovering addict and this speaks volumes to me. i also hope that the people i have wronged in the past can realize that what i did to them in my addiction was of my own and not theirs.
thanks, SEAN
"Another person's compulsive behaviors or abuse or mistreatment of you is NOT a reflection of your value, but rather, a reflection of THAT person and THEIR STUFF. NOT yours. It your busines only to control YOU and make YOUR life full and rewarding"
iam a recovering addict and this speaks volumes to me. i also hope that the people i have wronged in the past can realize that what i did to them in my addiction was of my own and not theirs.
thanks, SEAN
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Philadelphia
Posts: 518
Thank you all for your kind comments.
I am glad I have a safe place to unleash my feelings where there is no judgement. When the expression of your feelings is constantly met with either rejection from another or extremely negative reponses it becomes hard to feel you are allowed to express them- then you begin to doubt whether or not you are even entitled to FEEL them.
This whole chapter of my life in which addiction was a part really brought back alot of my old insecurities and has stirred up feelings that need to be dealt with once and for all if I am to live a full and happy life.
I WISH I WAS TAKING WRITING - I have been in college for wwaaayyy too long. I took a year off when I got sick- then went part-time when I was in recovery and then decided to change my major and transfer schools- it's been like 6 years so changing my major again is really not an option.
And anyone else who pointed this out- is right- writing all of these things does not mean that I FEEL them... at least yet anyways.... I am trying to take action. Thank you are all again - your words are valued and appreciated. I really have tears in my eyes from all the kind responses and encouragement.
I am still tangled in a bit of a web- but am hoping that I can slowly remove the distorted reality that addiction creates and begin to achieve perspective.
So, I feel like I'm taking a deep breath and saying to myself, "Okay, Heather. You have to learn to like yourself. Your life really depends on it."
When I was in treatment for my eating disorder which i have struggled with for many years, and that has disrupted my life more than I can say- and contributes what I'm dealing with presently because I have alot of my own issues apart from my addict that have been there before I have even met him. But BOY after all the progress I had made- it's amazing how addiction thrust me right back into that negative, awful, hopeless and horrible place. But- what I'm getting to is that one of the other patients who was alot older than me told me something that I will never forget in regards to my recovery. She said, "Work this program like you've never worked anything before. Your life depends on it."
And my life literally did at that time- but I like to think of the same thing and apply it to what I'm dealing with emotionally now.
I have taken away the behaviors and destructive coping skills- (for me it was starving myself, for addicts it is drugs and so on- compulsive behaviors are masking feelings)- but the feelings of self-rejection are still there.
So, my point is, that I need to begin to believe in my worth and that I am unique and adequate- because the rest of my life does depend on it- it determines whether I am happy or I am miserable.
People on this site have often asked me why it's so hard for me to take care of myself- for many it's automatic. For me it takes alot of work since I'd rather do anything than focus on me because there is so many messy feelings outside of the addict's drama.
I keep trying to remind myself that if there is a change I want to see in my life- I HAVE TO MAKE IT. If I want to stop feeling so bad about myself- I NEED TO CHANGE MY THOUGHTS- I need to work on my irrational beliefs because no one is going to come in and save me.
And I keep trying to tell myself that in our weakest moments is when we gain our strength and that any type of fear of I have is what keeps me trapped and impairs my ability to make any signficant gains.
We all have the power to change our lives. I know I don't always believe it, but I have to have hope.
Ok sorry for blabbing. Yikes- this was long.
I am glad I have a safe place to unleash my feelings where there is no judgement. When the expression of your feelings is constantly met with either rejection from another or extremely negative reponses it becomes hard to feel you are allowed to express them- then you begin to doubt whether or not you are even entitled to FEEL them.
This whole chapter of my life in which addiction was a part really brought back alot of my old insecurities and has stirred up feelings that need to be dealt with once and for all if I am to live a full and happy life.
I WISH I WAS TAKING WRITING - I have been in college for wwaaayyy too long. I took a year off when I got sick- then went part-time when I was in recovery and then decided to change my major and transfer schools- it's been like 6 years so changing my major again is really not an option.
And anyone else who pointed this out- is right- writing all of these things does not mean that I FEEL them... at least yet anyways.... I am trying to take action. Thank you are all again - your words are valued and appreciated. I really have tears in my eyes from all the kind responses and encouragement.
I am still tangled in a bit of a web- but am hoping that I can slowly remove the distorted reality that addiction creates and begin to achieve perspective.
So, I feel like I'm taking a deep breath and saying to myself, "Okay, Heather. You have to learn to like yourself. Your life really depends on it."
When I was in treatment for my eating disorder which i have struggled with for many years, and that has disrupted my life more than I can say- and contributes what I'm dealing with presently because I have alot of my own issues apart from my addict that have been there before I have even met him. But BOY after all the progress I had made- it's amazing how addiction thrust me right back into that negative, awful, hopeless and horrible place. But- what I'm getting to is that one of the other patients who was alot older than me told me something that I will never forget in regards to my recovery. She said, "Work this program like you've never worked anything before. Your life depends on it."
And my life literally did at that time- but I like to think of the same thing and apply it to what I'm dealing with emotionally now.
I have taken away the behaviors and destructive coping skills- (for me it was starving myself, for addicts it is drugs and so on- compulsive behaviors are masking feelings)- but the feelings of self-rejection are still there.
So, my point is, that I need to begin to believe in my worth and that I am unique and adequate- because the rest of my life does depend on it- it determines whether I am happy or I am miserable.
People on this site have often asked me why it's so hard for me to take care of myself- for many it's automatic. For me it takes alot of work since I'd rather do anything than focus on me because there is so many messy feelings outside of the addict's drama.
I keep trying to remind myself that if there is a change I want to see in my life- I HAVE TO MAKE IT. If I want to stop feeling so bad about myself- I NEED TO CHANGE MY THOUGHTS- I need to work on my irrational beliefs because no one is going to come in and save me.
And I keep trying to tell myself that in our weakest moments is when we gain our strength and that any type of fear of I have is what keeps me trapped and impairs my ability to make any signficant gains.
We all have the power to change our lives. I know I don't always believe it, but I have to have hope.
Ok sorry for blabbing. Yikes- this was long.
Bridge CLOSED
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: No ones business
Posts: 1,497
Heather.. you blab all you want.
You are truly a lovely young woman with so much to offer today and so much potential for tomorrow.
time is a thief.. use yours wisely...
BTW you can write without taking writing or getting a degree in it. Talk about what you know.. and it will flow like water.
If you cannot trust yourself, trust me and do it! (How is that for a codie statement!)
You are truly a lovely young woman with so much to offer today and so much potential for tomorrow.
time is a thief.. use yours wisely...
BTW you can write without taking writing or getting a degree in it. Talk about what you know.. and it will flow like water.
If you cannot trust yourself, trust me and do it! (How is that for a codie statement!)
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
Heather, you truly are talented and for such a young woman your self knowledge is amazing. I know you have struggled with many difficult things in your life, but the positive side of that is that those struggles have provided such profound emotional growth. There are not many woman your age (well around what i imagine your age is) who demonstrate the emotional maturity that you do. Perhaps that sounds strange to you because you know you have a lot of work to do in your recovery, but truly just recognizing where you want to be and who you want to be is amazing growth.
I hope you will keep sharing. It helps us too and I believe the more you tell yourself these things, the more you will believe them...For they are so true. You are a bright, talented, caring and beautiful woman with so much to give to the world and so much life to live.
I hope you will keep sharing. It helps us too and I believe the more you tell yourself these things, the more you will believe them...For they are so true. You are a bright, talented, caring and beautiful woman with so much to give to the world and so much life to live.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
Heather,
I have a suggestion for you that is going to sound strange, but has good scientific support and so I wish you would try it.
Every morning, EVERY morning, for the next 30 days (the amount of time it takes to acquire a new habit):
Sit quietly before you begin your day, and read this letter out loud.
Read it even if you don't believe it. Read it as if you mean it, as if you're on a stage reading a play. Read it out loud to yourself. Then get on with your day.
This is why affirmations work so well: the brain hears, hears again, hears again, and begins to believe it against its will. It doesn't matter if your heart is in it at first. The brain will believe, if you force it to listen often enough. The brain will believe, then the soul will follow.
It doesn't involve confrontation, or changing your whole personality, or facing your addict, or anything like that. It's just reading, and committing yourself to doing it every day for 30 days.
Would you be willing to try this?
It worked for me.
GL
I have a suggestion for you that is going to sound strange, but has good scientific support and so I wish you would try it.
Every morning, EVERY morning, for the next 30 days (the amount of time it takes to acquire a new habit):
Sit quietly before you begin your day, and read this letter out loud.
Read it even if you don't believe it. Read it as if you mean it, as if you're on a stage reading a play. Read it out loud to yourself. Then get on with your day.
This is why affirmations work so well: the brain hears, hears again, hears again, and begins to believe it against its will. It doesn't matter if your heart is in it at first. The brain will believe, if you force it to listen often enough. The brain will believe, then the soul will follow.
It doesn't involve confrontation, or changing your whole personality, or facing your addict, or anything like that. It's just reading, and committing yourself to doing it every day for 30 days.
Would you be willing to try this?
It worked for me.
GL
Southern through and through
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: In.....trouble :-)
Posts: 1,453
Heather,
You have talents and gifts that you don't even realize you have! I, as a mother, would love to see my sober daughter be able to write this letter to herself. If I didn't know better, I'd said I gave birth to twins and you were the other one! But I was there, and I'm pretty sure I only birthed one baby.
Your courage to face what is going on inside of you is amazing. I hope you realize that a big part of the battle of getting past this insecurity (or any problem) is recognizing you have it and then realizing that only you can make the changes to move forward in a positive direction. Your letter to yourself indicates you are getting there. I'm so proud!
For my daughter, her fear and pain of staying the same has not yet outweighed the fear of change. I'm praying that one day she will get to where you are and will face what has gone on in her life and see how it is controlling where she is today.
As for you, I am just so proud of you. As a mom of a daughter who sounds so much like you, I commend you for loving yourself enough (even though you feel so insecure in who you are) to tackle this road of recovery.
Heather, your HP has GREAT and WONDERFUL things for you. He made you and you are so worthy of every good thing this life has to offer. I pray you'll keep working toward all the good things you deserve.
Big hugs cause this mama's heart sees hope through you.
Hangin' In
P.S. As they say in the rooms of recovery, "Don't leave before the miracle happens." I think your miracle is closer than you think.
You have talents and gifts that you don't even realize you have! I, as a mother, would love to see my sober daughter be able to write this letter to herself. If I didn't know better, I'd said I gave birth to twins and you were the other one! But I was there, and I'm pretty sure I only birthed one baby.
Your courage to face what is going on inside of you is amazing. I hope you realize that a big part of the battle of getting past this insecurity (or any problem) is recognizing you have it and then realizing that only you can make the changes to move forward in a positive direction. Your letter to yourself indicates you are getting there. I'm so proud!
For my daughter, her fear and pain of staying the same has not yet outweighed the fear of change. I'm praying that one day she will get to where you are and will face what has gone on in her life and see how it is controlling where she is today.
As for you, I am just so proud of you. As a mom of a daughter who sounds so much like you, I commend you for loving yourself enough (even though you feel so insecure in who you are) to tackle this road of recovery.
Heather, your HP has GREAT and WONDERFUL things for you. He made you and you are so worthy of every good thing this life has to offer. I pray you'll keep working toward all the good things you deserve.
Big hugs cause this mama's heart sees hope through you.
Hangin' In
P.S. As they say in the rooms of recovery, "Don't leave before the miracle happens." I think your miracle is closer than you think.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: on the lake
Posts: 335
So, Lets See, Hmmm Your Smart, Write Well, Have A Sense Of Humor, And On Top Of That Your Beautiful. Yeah, I Can See Why You Have Self Esteem Problems, Get Out, Do Something, Anything, Your Over Thinking This Whole Deal. You Will Be Fine, Yes It Will Take Time, So Live.
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