liesagain

Okay so AH has completed the 30 day residential program..............and has decided to stay there ( 3 hours south of home) for intensive outpatient with the same treatment center and he will be moving to a transition house on Monday......

Anyhow..the transition house does not have a land line phone, and AH will be getting a job, so he tells me he needs a few things........work type clothes blanket towles and a prepaid phone..............so he can call.

So I went and got these things and sent them to him......didnt think a thing about it until tonight............now wondering if these were things I should have done............
my thought is yeah its okay since hes in treatment and he wont be able to get these things himself until he gets to work and gets paid...............
plus I am still running his business and technically its his money anyhow...........

so what do you guys think?

Jewelz

You know there is no right or wrong answer here. It's how you feel about sending him these things?

I am glad he is doing well.

Jewel

Live

I think what you did was a good thing to do. And as you said, it is his money too.
You just delivered them ....you didn't go have an emotional re-hash or etc.
Don't sweat it.

I don't believe that any and all kinds of help or assistance is enabling.

liesagain

yeah I know theres really no right or wrong, I was just wondering.

I guess he's doing well........its hard to tell he still seems detached and today he told me about an essay he had to do.....listing 5 triggers...........
and he read them to me and I kept thinking.........well what about this or what about that? Still wanting to direct him I guess but I DIDNT! so go me!!!
I dont feel bad about sending the stuff ......but then tonight whild driving for work I thought about the phone..........its one of those metro pcs phones..........unlimited calling blah blah blah....and anyone can get it.....just make monthly payment after buying the phone.......and for a minute I thought....great he now has something to trade for drugs........
but I decided that talking to his family ( right now) is important to him and if he does something ike that......well time will tell and since hes in his program on his own Its not my business nor my worry.

The clothes I sent were new too ...........and controlling me took all the tags off............just in case.

so I guess the answer is I have concerns but still think I did the right thing

Lovestoomuch

You didn't send him money. You didn't give in to some ridiculous request. There were some things that he needed since HE has decided to stay in treatment. That's a huge step in the right direction IMO. You did just fine girl!! No need to second guess anything. And besides...........if he were to sell the phone for drugs......oops....guess he doesn't have a phone then huh? And the probablity of you buying him a replacement would most liikely be slim to none.

duet_4-8

I think you did a nice thing for him. I don't see it as enabling at all. I also think it's great that you are aware enough of the situation to question your own motives and reflect on what you did and why. That in itself is huge, IMO.

liesagain

thanks...........

true, besides soon he will have a job and cash that he is accountable for and the choice to use or not is his.........
he did make the decision the stay, for three more months which I know was difficult for him.............he really didnt seem like he was gonna do it at first and then he said if I want to get well I have to be willing to do whatever they tell me to do.
Me personally I would have liked to see him stay impatient longer.........but insurance ya know they wouldnt go for that........the center even tried to get him approved to stay until the 5th to pass the holiday but insurance said nope!

Thing is I feel like regardless of "us" he needs every bit of help he can get so he has a fair chance to get and stay clean.........
and for a drug addict my AH has alot of pride, doesnt like to ask for things wouldnt want to have to borrow.........from the 1/2 way house............
so in a way I wanted him to have the thingshe needed so he could feel ok about his decision to stay..........

and actually today we spoke about after the 3 months.....when he comes back here ( orlando area) that I think maybe he should consider 1/2 house here too....since this is his stomping ground....where hes familiar with the places for drugs etc.....

he said he cant think about Later now.but he gets what I'm saying and he'll talk about it with me again near that time .......so it seems hes really trying.......
HOPE SO.....

greeteachday

I don't think there is a bright line test...To my mind, you did a nice thing and helped him as he was getting established. You are helping him to help himself. That's a nice thing a nice person like you would do...not enabling. Hugs

ladyamalthea

I don't think that any of the things you got him were huge risk items for selling for drugs, so I'm sure it's fine. Congrats that he's decided to continue his treatment!

gasolinegirl

I think you did fine. Hoping the best for you and your AH. =)

tropikgal2

I think that was OK. It was stuff he needed--not going overboard.
Oh, and BTW...I don't know what State you live in, but according to most States' laws that business is half yours. So the money isn't just "his".

helpus

You did fine. I am glad to see he chose to stay. I am keeping him in my thoughts & prayers that this time he does it.